What ***** is how much I love you
What ***** is waking up and thinking of you
What ***** is you living in my mind

I hate that you embedded yourself there
I hate that you don't even realize
I hate myself for loving you

The look I see in your eyes when you talk about her
I know that look
I know it because its how I look at you
and maybe if you weren't too busy looking through me
you'd see me

Standing
Waiting
Hoping

And as my insides twist
At the thought of you not loving me
My eyes blur and I can no longer see

The tears flow
Time slows
I pray some day you'll know

Why I've been here for so long.

To the would be
beauty princess
who was almost  
a would be Beauty Queen
But was not quite good enough
This is a would be poem
to all the
would be
pretties
if they weren't so unique
to the few
would be
rockers
if they could stand up and be talkers
to all the would be
intellectuals
if all they said was factual
This is a would be poem
to all the would be's
who couldn't be
who shouldn't be
So please tell me
Why
all of these would be's
are never
Will be's
Or even
Have beens
because even that is still better than
Never tried
Or even
Unknown's
Because sometimes the worst thing is
Not knowing
Having no idea of what would've been
instead wondering what
could've been
So this is a poem to the would be
lovely pageant girls
who could've had the world
but were sat down and told
by someone too old
that the world is too cold
and they would never
Make it
Fake it
Break it
break the idea of different
make the change
This is to all my would be brothers and sisters
Who don't have
Can't have
Who never had
The Chance
become
**I am's

Maybe if I close my eyes
Time won't move as fast
And maybe
If I stop waiting for tomorrow
I will enjoy today
I'm not saying that I don't wanna grow up
But if given the chance
I wouldn't change a thing

I watch as she squirms under his grip
one hand over her mouth
the other at her hip.
I feel for the girl so pretty but worn.
She looks of an angel
though her wings have been torn.

Switch

I wake up,
oh god.
it happened again.
****, I can’t take this
I wish it was made up, pretend.

What can I do?
I am only a young girl
and he a man of power.
No one would care.
A man that, if accused, from a girl run ragged and bare,
only my reputation would turn sour, it’s not fair.

I listen for his footsteps
coming for round two.
I listen carefully
while chained here
there is nothing else to do.

How long was I out for,
god ****** what day is it?
I can’t even tell
Not after that first hit.
How long has it been,
who knows I’ve lost count
I can only hope the end is near.

The door opens again
light floods the dark room
the shadow of a man coming to light
the crooked smirk and rough hands
Greet me once more
I close my eyes and hit the floor.

Switch

The girl hits the floor fast
her head cracks.
He doesn’t care
she doesn’t dare
make a sound.
I don’t even see tears.

She’s weak she doesn’t even fight it anymore
She lays there
God ****** get up,
it isn’t getting better and I can only feel pity for so long.
She looks like a lifeless doll.
God ****** get up,
She lays there in thrall
of him.

Oh look he’s done.
Throws her once pristine and lively body to the side.
Shocker
that ******
****** her
touched her
and
wrecked her
and he thinks he can walk away.
Wrong, I won’t let her stay.

Switch

My head
oh god my head.
The crimson mark of his abuse covers my hands.
My body aches
I don’t know how much more I can take.

Switch

None
she won’t take it anymore.
I won’t let her,
it’s her turn to show him
the kind of of pain he put her in.

Stand up ******
stand up and fight back.
He is going to get his scotch and sit down.
wrap something on your head to slow the bleeding.
Make him start pleading,
and show him how you plan on succeeding.

Switch

Okay I’m up
and I can see him hold his cup
only his hand and arm are visible.
How typical,
but this is no longer livable.
And it has blown past fixable
so now all that is left is to end it.

I admit
it went on too long
but he was in the wrong
I feel our power now
she is with me
and it is time to end he
he who defaced us,
he who disgraced us,
he who wasted us.
Now we waste him
knife in his heart,
finally four years after the start.
It was we
who made he
Depart.

Some were born onto the shoulders of monuments
Eternal configurations pristine and untouched by the years
Whose prow waits for a map of pathways to mark their porcelain facade

Some were born onto the shoulders of crumbling statues
Preeminent figures decaying from weight of problems suppressed
Whose cracks like pathways trace maps across their surface

We were born onto the shoulders of giants
Immortal beings whose arms welcome us in
Whose wrinkles like pathways trace maps across their skin

Look in the mirror
Look at the once strong
beautiful girl
where does she belong
now
Look at the once young face
skin ripped off then put back into place
Where did you go
This is not your face
You had a happier one once
Before him
Before you became nothing but a
shell of a once-been
shell of a has-been
A body of
who now
This is not you
The face staring back in the mirror
Don't stand there and tell me your the same
that you haven't changed
you're not a pupet
not someone to be controlled by
a boy who has not yet
known what it's like to stand up and be a man
I wish you could see what we do
but you can't with his hands over you
Controlling you
telling you what to do
and who to be
how to act
who to see
Who are you now
because I wouldn't be able to pick you out of a crowd
not like your allow
to even say who you are out loud
at risk of him not liking the answer
You need to face the facts
This isn't you
I don't know what I can do
because I'm through
done hoping this isn't true
everyone else is done too
Done watching you

I think it's interesting
Interesting how I can be good enough for
only certain things
for late nights
for
whispers that leave emotions raw
for
lies
most of all for
lust
a girl good enough for
desire
but not your love
the kind of girl who gets so wrapped up in
feeling wanted
I drown  in a pool of
'will he ever hold my hand'
or
'tell me I'm pretty because
Because I don't feel pretty
getting emotionally ****** monday through friday'
Between
Closed doors
and hushed moans
did I love you
and
Between
Closed doors
and hush moans
did you **** me over
Pun intended
when did
it become okay
to play with emotions
didn't you ever learn
a girls heart is never a toy?
well in this case my heart is the guitar you used
in your hand
before I became so wrapped up in making you my man
plucking my emotions with your fingers
my body are now the words once sung from your lips
and there is nothing I can do
Because I am so in tune
a guitar string is strung
like my lung
waits for your voice to fill the air
that I breathe
waiting for your heart to become a part of me
then I think to
when
You're holding her with one arm
while the other is wrapped up in my body
lying in your bed seven nights a week
and that air gets spit up
leaving my lungs empty
letting your words bend me
into the girl you want me to be
even though you refuse to see
how much I depend on your word
It's absurd
But I find it interesting how
I will only ever know your body
and not your heart
it ******* *****
because it's tearing me apart

Left uninspired
getting tired
So tired
Can't think
down I sink
Towards the depths
The depths of hate
Hate that is laced in to my fate
My fate I can't controle
Of that, you cannot console
We all have a role
mine just happens to be
Less than that of
the world
because it still twirls
without my words
tripping on the herds
of hate
wait
forget you
and I'll
**Dominate