So much of me was lost in the fire. There are days when I can’t help but go looking for those pieces, but please don’t follow me. Just be there when I come home, because I will always come home. Please be patient with me, I am still so broken and sometimes I forget how to love. Don’t let me start fights just because I feel numb, I will hate myself so much more in the morning and you will get sick of my constant stream of apologies. You’re not him and you never will be; you are a million times better. Please don’t ever compare yourself to my past. Sometimes I cry for no reason, just hold my hands no matter how hard they are shaking and don’t let me drown. Forgive me if I ever flinch away from your touch, this skin of mine is not used to kindness. There is a black hole buried inside of me; be careful. I will write about you until my fingers bleed, I will follow you to the ends of the earth, I will make myself sick with loving you. I will turn myself inside out with worry. I will run, I will push. Oh my god, I will push. I will hurt myself and I won’t call you because I don’t want to need you. I will confess in tears on your bedroom floor the next day and I will feel too guilty to even look you in the eye. Please tell me it’s okay, even if it’s not. I promise I am trying, but I still fall sometimes. Let me be the little spoon, let me hog the blankets, let me steal your fries. I will always talk during movies, I will forget that it’s impolite to point or to stare, and I will never learn how to whisper quite right. I will try and tear myself apart and then beg you to help sew me back together. I will pretend I don’t need your help even when I do, don’t let me push you away. I will always feel like a burden, “confidence” is not in my vocabulary. I am light years past overly sensitive, and nearly everything hurts my feelings even if I don’t want it to. I am stubborn, and I will get mad when you tell me what I need to hear even though secretly I am so grateful. I will make stupid jokes that fall flat and laugh too loudly at all of the wrong times. I will trip and knock things over way more times than either of us can count. I will say “I love you” too much, I will say it in between every sentence. I just don’t want you to ever forget. I will tease you for how loud you snore, even though it really makes my heart swell. I’m going to get you sick, I’m going to steal your clothes, I’m going to make your life Hell. I have a lot of baggage and a lot of drama, and no matter how hard I try to keep you out of it I can’t. I will probably ask you to marry me at some point, and I know I will talk about the future even if I try not to. Always pretend you don’t notice that I’m embarrassing myself. Tell me what you dreamt about, tell me what you saw on your drive to school. Tell me what you and your friends did this weekend, tell me what movie you and your parents watched. Tell me everything, I want to know everything. Tell me what you think about the world, tell me what you think about God. Don’t let me forget who I am. I love you, okay? Even when I’m bad at showing it.