It doesn’t exist, built up from time, battling through all the bad in your life. And one time everything starts working fine, like all the stars have just aligned. You finely get to feel that warm soft light. It’s tricks your mind. Feeling like you can exhale and everything will be alright. That’s when you chase after this wonderful time. But when it breaks and the sky comes falling down, it makes you want to do more than just cry, you’ll chase that star that used to shine so bright. That used to brighten up every single night. Sending you insane. Questioning some of the thoughts that go through your brain. A gradual descent into insanity, your lucky star is still shining bright it’s just far out of sight. Then you sit lonely on a cold dark night, confused maybe scared because all you done was cared. Don’t believe in a fairytale...Please for your own sake

I don’t understand why you are so mad, I don’t understand how everything got so out of hand, how can’t you see that all I wanted was you to be was happy, I give you my all and I tried my best and when I lost you I lost apart of myself, I don’t understand how to live anymore, the colours aren’t bright, there is absolutely no difference from day and night. It’s a continuous fight. I don’t understand why, I want to talk but I have nothing to say, day by day something is eating me away. I hope one day this all just goes away, and I will finally see some brighter days.

Depression and anxiety they are side affects of living in an evil society. You get so far and they pull the rug. back on the bottom looking up. hardly having the fight to pull ourselves up. With no crack in the clouds seeing a light. it’s a cycle of nightmares and they don’t fight fair. Death in my eyes, happiness ran away with my soul. Who. In this world. Would want to live to be grey and old. These are the side affects from our evil evil society

Many wars we’ve fought, many times we’ve cried, many times we stayed up into the night talking about life, and the battles we fight inside, I will be by your side till The day that I die. And i will protect you even in the afterlife.

I can see your sadness from miles away, day by day night by night. I see your world falling apart in your eyes.  A strong girl with a broken mind. Smart and clever and always right. but some reason, things just. Never go right. Your past haunting you in the night. But you ain’t losing this fight. I think if you look closely, me and you are very alike.

Have you ever talked to a person and thought, you are insane? Then one day something happens and you understand their pain? The feeling of flashing in and out of existence, feeling everything and nothing in hundreds of different ways, is that me just being messed up in the brain. I can tell you this iv definitely seen brighter days.

It’s raining so hard it hurts my face the wind so powerful it makes me shake, walking in the streets feeling like apart of me passed away. I don’t want to see the end of the day. My money has no value I give it away. The tool for experiences but it’s too late. One thing in common. It’s forever me, we’ll both continue to hate.

I love myself too much to hate you, to carry that energy to carry that attitude. Makes my soul cold. Revenge with happiness. That won’t be happiness that would be revenge and in the end. What’s even the point in revenge. My heart is warm, my heart is true just because you pull your strings and let the monsters break through. Will not change that my heart and soul is the strongest you will ever know. With time you’ll soon learn to know.

If it’s broke I’ll break it more and make sure I’m left with no hope, hope is what drives me insane plays with all the chemicals in my brain, it can drive a strong man insane. Nothing personal on you, just I’m sick of hoping for the brighter days.

For Emilia
You have a heart of gold, ignore anything you ever get told. My love for you will never grow old. You need your time and that is fine. I hope our paths meet somewhere down the line. But until that time.I hope you are well and doing just fine, I’m really glad I got to hold apart of your heart and I’m glad you held onto mine... sleep well darling goodnight x

It’s not just the conversation I miss, for me there’s something deeper that, I can’t explain. It’s just rattling around in my brain. Used to drive me insane and played with my brain. There was just something about seeing your name, even when we were causing each other pain. Nobody was to blame I guess that’s why it’s a shame. I always wonder if we started again would things just turn out the same. Or would be what it felt like it was supposed to be.

Seeing the man that was holding my hand when I was young and helpless. With the blank face. an expression that I can see from miles away. Unable to speak and weak. I have to watch you go alone. Be strong.

My family going crazy my head squeezing so so tight, wanting to blow my brains out. I want to end it, tonight. Sick of the world and sick of all it’s *****. Then a glisten in the seat. Your paintbrush watching me. Did you plant it there or was it a mistake. Made me break to pieces seeing it shine in the light. If only you could see how bad life is beating me.

I don’t get that urge to pick up my phone when I hear it buzz, I don’t get that smile on my face when I see a name. mostly it’s just something stupid or lame. I don’t believe that I’ll ever see your name again, it doesn’t cause pain, only shame. because I made deal with my leaky brain. There’s only that part of me to blame. It’s is a shame but who knows maybe you’ll message again.

A promise to stay safe a promise to stay sane, but in reality I could easily blow it all away and make my day. Why did I wait for you turn and wave it drives me insane, the walls in my room stained with the memory of you. It causes so much pain. I feel it night and day. I hate it because you have gone away. I’m just waiting for the day. were you talk to me again.

I love her but I don’t know if she loves me, my heads in the clouds and things aren’t clear to see. I miss her smile and her laugh, it’s the smallest things that meant the most to me. She’s a special girl and that’s the only thing clear to see. But what about me ?

I will wait for you in the storm and rain, I will wait for you through all of the pain. I will wait for you till you have your brighter days.

Watching you walk the lonely road, I know you are strong and I know you will do nothing wrong. I worry still and I always will. It’s hard not to send a text not to say hello but deep down I know that you need to walk the lonely road :(

She said give sobriety a chance and
I recoiled at the mere idea
So tell me, are they your teeth marks in your tail?
Cause you look a touch dizzy

no beat of the heart no warmth in my body, cold and lost. Is this the cost to be happy. A broken soul is what I hold. My heads got a lock and key and I’m wandering off with the monsters that follow me.

The book, has it been written or is it on hold, with each page a memory that we both hold. The glisten in your eye is enough to ignite the spark that you left in my heart. It makes me strong but makes me fall apart. I miss seeing the time and affection in your art, With every line is time and every stroke a goal an inspiration, to anyone that would ever know. My biggest question is, is this a story that we can hold and that can be told when, we grow old.

Absence makes the heart fonder, it burns it hurts makes me want to scream, but is it actually what it seems. Am I the only one that gets hit this hard in the feels.

When I look into them big blue eyes what will I see, that will be a mystery. Will she feel my warmth will she feel the heat that’s no up to me. My gut says yes and I guess the rest will soon be history and that’s what unsettles me.

Crying to my cigarette in the night, wish for the bright light. You in my mind you in my dreams I wish life was as easy as it seemed. Moonlight brightening up the night showing me to the world making my toes curl. Pathetic little boy crying in plane sight. That’s me on this on this wonderful night.

I want to feel pain. The confusion in my brain is intense. I sit on the wall with my cigarette. Looking into the cheery. Feeling the pain it would cause. The urge to put it out on my hand. The soothing feeling my brain is telling me it would give me. It’s still with me hours after it. wanting to feel that relaxing feeling.