Try, try, try my best to be positive.
Try try, try some more to please him.
Taking classes that I don't enjoy.
Just to please him.
Go home not knowing what to expect.
Did I do everything that he wanted?
Did I do it to his expectations?
Striving to be the daughter he wants me to be.
(He is trying to live out his childhood dreams through me).
Expectations that I always fail to meet.
Try, try, try not to be in his presence when I cry.
Can't show him, give him the satisfaction.
Try try, try to do everything.
(I just want to avoid his dreadful sting).
Straight A's, a few B's. 3.50 G.P.A.
Not good enough for him.
All A's, 4.00 G.P.A. , is nothing to him.
Try, try, try, I am numb, no more feelings,
my "happiness" is all a lie.
He placed me in NJROTC at my high school,
expecting great things.
Be the top marksman.
But how can I be, if he won't allow me to compete?
Become colorguard commander,
without participating in an y of the events.
Become the CO of the program next year.
Without interacting the way I need to.
He expects all these things from me , and so much more.
Expectations and standards.
But makes it so that they are all impossible to meet.
Try, try, try to be everything he wants me to be.
Try, try, try, and only meet failure.
Fail, fail, fail, makes no difference to him.
Cracking under the pressure,
can't be in the same room as him or my stepmother.
Fail, fail, fail, giving them both reasons to yell at me more.
Fail, fail, fail, why even try, when he really doesn't care?
Fail, fail, fail..........
What else is there to do?