A place where peace
and suffering coexist
My vessel is docked my soul floating the halls
Reaching aimlessly for someone
To take my hand
But they walk right through me

I ****** my body from its ledges
Pierce my heart with its spires
Hang my neck from its chains
Drive a pick through my nose
To my brain
All for them to walk right through me

A veil that many wear
Ominous, soaked with tears
Looking through you
Riding their horses of uncertainty

What will they gain
what is it worth
To keep gaze

But when the sea is still
The knight for a moment knows

In the absence of others
control loosens it’s grip.
Minds wander and ticks sound clearer.
But thoughts become muddled and endless
Seamlessly flowing in and out of each other
bouncing from room to room
Holding each memory tight but
warping it with the heat of its hands.
Leaving it on the floor to play later
But it’s never the same

She holds on tightly to
A dream no one sees
A world where the mind
Controls answers
And hearts are thieves
We will thank the sun
Every morning
As he kisses our heads
And nourishes our bodies
With energy and light
And we will live by
The moon, all tucked in to
her blanket of night
Invoking emotions
And spiritual connections

I feel like I’ve known you for an eternity
I could write a book about you and me
How could we find each other
In the midst of chaos
But be so ready for love

It’s so easy for me to write the ending of things. Why maybe I don’t know how to start this journal, why it took me so long to text you, but I knew what I wanted. I knew the middle was gonna be rainy days and cuddling with a movie, a cup of tea when we wake up from a nap, listening to music all day, playing music, even though you don’t know how, and I don’t really either. After a shower you smell like them on Shea butter can you hold each other. I’d have to put a sweater on because your wet hair makes me cold. We go to the bookstore every Saturday and get a snack after. Sunday mornings will be for swap shops and thrift stores, the evenings for sage and acid jazz. Will go to target and call out vacation, kiss each other every time we say goodbye. I knew the middle well. The middle play it over and over in my head. I dreamt of the middle, prayed for the middle. But once again, I started writing the end.

I want to sink into myself
Deep into my veins
Be held by this warm blood
Turn myself inside out
And never see light again

And while I walk
Skin reverted
I will cross paths with
Faces of horror
And I will be happy
Because finally
I will know why
They elude me