i have lost all faculty
words do not say as much
as warmth could never be enough
in the cold weather
all i want is to see your face again
under the covers
all i want is to be surrounded
by your presence
and to feel as much
as i can hold

and we could be strangers again
so i could watch it all unfold

the taste of coffee liquor
mixed with the scent of you
caramel tainted lips
and musky cream-filled notes
left without a word
constantly on the edge
of wanting
the stark contrast
with bitter nicotine
and you
deciphering

the rain washes over
our bodies anew
we are clean

Far off and stretched out from my seat
You and I meet at the corner
Just to waste the time

Far away and longing
The warmth from the LED lights
Blends in with the glare from your eyes

Liquid dissolves into all this time
Lines never seem to meet
your eyes never stop to wander

Stray away from me
Standing across the line
Come away
Away from sight

wanting to hold you close
as i listen to your stereo
making ideas with your brilliant head

i made a pact with your hand
to never send a word
less than you deserve

feeling so close
yet so unaware
too eager to find you

I see the glimmer of your eyes
when the sky dissolves into dark
behind the dashboard and
playing games to pass the time
I see your thick-rimmed frames
square and unrelenting
a smile that invites mine
underneath the layers

I see the dark dissolve into light
as I unfold in my own room
I dream of dreams
without trying to sleep
my mind has mapped you
into this reality where
I want to stay awake

I see the night dissolve
I see the glimmer behind your eyes

In the morning, we meet again.

I tried crying for days without blinking
I had to sleep again
I tried screaming for help
but all I had left was this body
No voice, no soul, nor dream
Just alive in a nightmare.

I tried thinking of an escape without screaming
I tried to pretend I was alive
I moved away and told you to stop
You pretend you didn’t hear
And said “I only needed this now”

I tried moving my limbs
but I couldn’t pretend
I was alive
Inside we both knew
I was already dead.

Some days I like to pretend other things matter
most of the time my days go unnoticed
and I only exist as a pulled apart doll

I pretend you were never here
I slept as I had slept
before my arms knew what tugging felt like
before my head had met your pillow
there was a time before
your eyes had not glanced at me
for a while
there I was never knowing
what love had meant for me