i can’t do this
i’m not good enough
i can’t control my own actions recently
obsessively checking and checking
to see if someone is talking about me behind my back

i ate close to 4 meals today
i just ate and ate and even when i was full
i couldn’t stop
even now my stomach yells at me
so full yet so hungry
and the whispers say just throw up
but i’m still too cowardly to try

i can’t stop shaking
if not my hands, my legs
if not my legs, my teeth
at one point i could feel my brain inside my skull
everything is uncomfortable and hurts
so, so much

i am a failure
i am a failure
and i need to drill it though my
rotting brain
before self confidence comes again
i can’t do anything
i can’t practice for a state competition
i can’t study for the ACT
i can’t even keep myself from tearing
the inside of my cheek apart
in an attempt to stay calm
i’m rotting

i am falling apart