please walk upon my gravestone
please **** me in your dreams
as i still stand here breathing
it means less than dirt to me

when it's a pin *****
on my soft skin a zit pops
i play my mind trick
and i stop
to think of the pain i choose
how i want to bruise
and bedazzle my back
in thumbtacks
running razor blades
making crimson masks

Often in my daydreams, old friends come to mind
I pray under my breath, that life might treat you kind

I can't, I won't, I don't, write, speak, or call
Whatever that reason may be, my love is with you all

What a pleasure it will be, to see you again one day
And should you ever cross my path, I have a couch where you can stay.

I'm a passenger here..
When was it last
Morning dew soaked my shoes
When we'd watch red skies rise
On a rocking ocean float
After nights watching stars
In our time without cars.

Now I'm a passenger here,
So I've long since feared
Something new has a hold of me
What am I supposed to be?
What replaces those nights
Of laying upon lawns
Where the only thing wrong
Was sharing headphones
And she picked a bad song.

I remember when my pillow had a shirt.

Laying in bed every night it was gripped tight
And there were wrinkles not creases
And the silence was so ceaseless
Laying in deadest night made memories my light

The shirt, sized small and plaid.

Now the cold morn feels so warm.
And I know no more old guilt
And it's a lilting life I've built
Distorted social norms
Former perceptions deformed.

**A box in a closet, now folds, unworn.

Do I make you wince?
Was I a lost fawns salt lick?
Was I a never was, your life's whiskey limp?
I guess I never took your hint
I guess you thought I could take the hit
Since that's been that conversations been zip
I can't say I was always innocent
But let's hope its a two way lapse of conscience

As my blood coursed throughout
I was fortified in your love
Rapped your knuckles on my chest
Asking to become a memory

With a three inch incision
I welcome you home
I play with your hair
You hold my viscera

Blood coursed throughout
Staring, entwined, hazel eyes
Evaluating every valve and ventricle
As you're what keeps them beating

You quote me verbatim
Just words you've never heard
What I wrote for myself
Did you read? Did you learn?
Why is what I muse your concern?

I really do hurt myself

nights were long sighs and lonely dreams
sleeping while your shirts on my pillow
and my pillow is in my arms
now its in a cardboard box
detox

now my nights are a real person
and sweat ingrains the sheets
I can feel warmth up against me
I feel her breath
a heartbeat

but I can still feel a pull from a pixelated vision
I dont have to type a word
Just the first letter and I know I'm closer
I get my life back, I feel in control
Gasping at wisps, so plainly absurd

Its gone. I'm not with whom you're really meant to be
Its gone. It's 5 months in a week
Its gone. Whats yours for me that's really left to see?
Its gone. But its really just beginning, so to speak.

I just want to know, I just want to know

why is it that you're the one whos got more hate and resentment for me than I do for you? does that make any sense?

feeling her ego
   bruising
around my neck
maybe there's a face
among our still young
Jackson Pollack loving

"Leo, just because it hurts
does not mean it is poetry."

We Linger.

As...
Part of a person
Long thought lost
Carried by vein's current
From it's long laden frost

I'm a man again.
I've realized.*
An awakening moment of prehension.
Into a moment years since materialized.

49 days
Surely I should be feeling a whole lot better
Ways and ways and ways
You keep on coming back
I keep letting you in

All I really expect is a cup of coffee in a couple of years.
I can't give myself the hope for anything more than that
and I can't ask for anything less.

If a page view was a straight view
Into the eye of the mind
Its not.

I say I'm not gonna spend a dime
and waste my minds precious time
waste bated breath on some unread rhymes
act like its fine
like it's always been a victim-less crime
like I didn't feel like I was on the clothesline
hung out to dry
buts its fine
its fine
its fine
It's Fine.

But...
I am fine..
I would never say that I wasted my time.
We're in different vineyards,
We're maturing
And you make a very fine wine.
I just have the tendency to martyr myself sometimes.

Love flew you in
Like a whirlwind
While I'm waiting by the sea
On some gentle summer breeze

2 years ago
I was far from the man I am now
I can only really put who I am
Onto the shoulders of two

But those I felt so dearly to
To whom I'd loved
In another shade of light
Have grown even closer
To who I am
I pray
I ask this give me solace

I hope there is some guilt
I hope this not from a bad place
I hope you can understand and appreciate what it is you had and what it is you've lost and what it is you've gained
I hope you understand there's a person hurt
I hope you understand that it wasn't the wrong choice

I hope for your happiness
I hope for a life for you
I hope for some reason
He's the life
I made promise to

But my stomach will pit
At knowing your bliss
A now long awakened passion
On some long pronounced kiss

I question as a man
If this is who I should be
To want your desires, made true
Sometimes feeling at the expense of me.

To make lofty your pedestal
In spite of this choice
To ache heavily in envy
And not stifle, but hear your voice.

It's a long dormant kind of love
When despite its hurt
They're always the one you want to put above.

Sometimes I wonder if I still get thought about, I mean, I know I must.

I wonder, when you can't sleep, to whom and when your thoughts do creep.

I don't want to be that place in the back of your mind.
That numbs you to your new love, because what you had loved
Is left behind.

I often fill my head with bile
but when I tell myself a lie
its an unnoted half truth

there was always the hashtag
that sounded to me
how you speak out my name
and to be now, not alone
cries to me, plays, like a wicked game

there's a moment of silence
for the fact there's another
but I, no sorrowing man
know chains meant be broken
life cannot be our pixilated dreams
when reality, like a child's toy
begins to tear at its seams

two years
and its gone
it hasnt even been
two weeks

thats..
that...

I already know what you want to tell me
whats the sense in dancing around the obvious

dont leave me haaaangin on the teeeeelephone
*dont leave me haaaangin on the teeeeelephone

Harold Chasen:*  *I love you, I love you
Maude:  *That's Wonderful! Go love some more.

I forgot what it all feels like

Somewhere the pillow in your shirt
just became a pillow and shirt
they became separated
I left them that way
I couldn't smell
My mind forgot
what warmth
was like

I don't feel lips, I don't remember lips
Hands on your hips, my mind's eye eclipsed
I have nothing to grip, but a thin veiled cloud
the memories, they slip, as my mind disavowed

I'm vulnerable, I'm human, I'm just a man,
All I can do is the best that I can,

You'll be happy, whatever you do

I just hope I can do right by you

I'll be there, whatever you choose

I just hope I can do right by you

having woken up
to finally see
there had fallen
my worlds last tree.
I didn't get up to look
what was there to see?
just this barren prairie
its getting harder to breathe...

the coal
left unheld
without it's eon
having passed
never crystalized

at my foothill of persona
and of our pixelated dynasty
begins an Everest journey
of a stalemate
of hopes
and expectations
of intimacy
and socialization

4 years in expectation
4 years in perilled ranges
through cold and lonely
through barren unseen valley
through 1251 miles

close enough to see the Northern lights
never tall enough to hold them

Self pity and questions of when and how
were to the ashen ground
under my suspended heel
in just the thought of reaching down
praying at a vigil of questions
I can't yet even hope to broach

To think what had been done
what could have been done
is only my own exercise
in futility
to make revision what we had penned
in thick, black, ink

"All I needed was the love you gave,
All I needed was another day,
You're all I ever knew
Only
You"

Wheres life gonna roll
Hows it gonna hold
The dam just wants to break
But nothing was ever put at stake

Just this autumn leaf
Run down stream
By these rusted train tracks
And long coroded self esteem

Who tells us how to play these pieces
Are we making the right moves
How can I protect my queen
What is life's counter going to choose

Its been two years without true feeling
of the earnest gesture of friendship

Misguidedly tucked away
Far from my one true solice

While life will endeavor to push us forward
While the most savory piece of life still hangs
To my waited breath

could hardly go without an hour
glower, in light of the love she would shower
whats to be done when we're all i could do
where's meant life's light if it cannot pass through

In this dream-scrape
In my minds eye
It's a heartbreak
Without your sigh

We're at the blue house
With the black door
But when you're not here
Sleep is just a chore

Visit tonight, Visit tonight,
Visit tonight, Visit tonight,

Visit tonight, Visit tonight,
Visit tonight, Visit tonight,

Whats the point of lucidity
When it's not you here that's with me

In this dream-scrape
In my minds eye
Here's just pointless
Without your sigh

I ache for our simple pleasures
For our tired, languid, gestures
For our vested, fruitful, leisure
Though our time and distance often measured
While both our suppressor
Let us never accept lesser
Than our treasured
Than our together

3 a.m. and change
stumbled there again
extended beach and pier
a stuttered kiss and cheap beer

night's highest winds and shaken wharf
clouds swirl, trees shuffle, the night shrouds darker
for Earth, their giant, were left it's dwarf
counting constellations from its harbor
just drunk, humble
as berries of it's bramble.

I crave so much
it curdles my blood
I need some release
I need to be loved

Love cakes my arteries
sweetness encroaches me
It's giving me cavities
bound as its devotee

Our life can't start soon enough
Getting off on hate just feels too rough
When due south we both will flee
When bodies close our parted sea

I want to see her blink
I want to feel the touch
The seaming of her skin
Hand in hand, its clutch.

The texture of her hair
Between my finger tips
Your words in my ear
The magnetism, your lips

Molten lead fist
Self justification
Slap the face, the maker
Your bleeding heart
For your own penny thoughts
Slap the mirror, the maker
Society isn't the threat
Just your sunken shadow
and your molten, righteous, fist

his emotion, the matter of which
had long been permeated too deep below
under a bedrock blanketing of masculinity
he had carried deep below himself
from youth

he didn't shed a single tear
when they buried his father
early this same year

it was in this emotion
he had held at arms length
where he didn't see himself in how
he felt
but in the product of a reserved character

his generation had worn no cross
rest laurels on the working man
he saw his peers as no great loss

in seldom shedding a tear
he saved face, in some amount
of personal self restoration
and

*it was only in his love had seen
some inkling of inner working
in his longing perchance to dream

Born a shade of a red
In the house of a blue
When guidance of purple
Was it's proper hue

It took dashes of orange
It had droplets of pink
With no one colour
Could it find it's sync

It dabbled in browns
It dared in the greens
It knows the spectrum
But not what the colour means

the fog finally frothed
boiled over and bent
its way, in lapsing waves
covering it's covet
seizing the single morsel
it foremost famished for

Only felt a moment,
a moment in a dream.
Suckling neuro pollen
The solstace of this minute
The magnus mental stream.

I found the new oasis
I saw the new serine
I found the new oasis
I saw her in a dream

Faded paint on the wall
Dust in my keyboard
Watch energy drip through my fingers
Into the keys
To drainpipe emotion
Through electric superhighway

When white-caps broke the Winter shore
The dirt had loved this tree no more
Birds who lost their taste for fish
Peck the wood bugs as succulent dish

"I hold myself above the sand
once overseer
baron of this untouched land"

Wind ran through his friends stood frame
Whom host less life, who's bark more tame
Lost count of rings decades ago, busy
Holding small ones from the snow


"Only once did man touch this land
In this, in us, they came to understand
We're small ones, we're trees
We're all the sand."

Nothing is always as life, not always in it's time
Nothing is always as death, as I gave the forest mine

With the base of your thumb
On the nape of my neck
You place a whisper in my ear
You register as a hum

... ... ...

The lean in to succumb
Ambitious nerve endings
Peakless addiction
Such ecstacy, so numb