Over the years I would take pictures
of myself on facebook but rarely with a smile,
not even to look for attention and any love from anyone
the reality was I have always hated how I looked,
obsessing over my weight
thinking if I looked skinnier
I would look great.
A  few times in my life I had to deal with
this inner battle head on
and it did win me a few times
I at certain points in my life
rejected eating and enjoying my food;
all the fat comments were  
so vile and rude;
shouting your a fat loser.  
I had a period a year go of self defeat;
the minor eating issue was hard to beat.  
I would get triggered by it  
if anyone mentioned anything relating to my weight;  
the echo's of the rude peoples voices
would stand out in my mind
keep repeating the rude comments
your a fat loser;  
Even when people in my family
were saying I looked fine
and were more concerned about me.  
I now say to family or friends
please do not keep mentioning
about my weight and just talk
about another topic there are
lots out there talking about my weight
only magnifies the obsession
and on the very issues I was constantly
trying to fight inside.
I have now accepted them and dealt
with the inner pain
and battle in my own head;
to accept and love my body image more,
learn to be happier and eat more again
love myself ignore the horrible
cruel comments that have always
stood out in my mind.  
The comments and thoughts
are always going to be there
but I shouldn't care so much about them
and not let them control my life anymore.
The rude people in the street
might have won the battle
with me for a short while
but they haven't won the war.  
I chose now to eat and be more healthy
and love myself again
and that is the final score.