Ever since that evening,
I've come to realize that nothing I do will matter.

That evening, when you coaxed me into leaving everyone.
You told me that a better opportunity would never come, and I believed you.

So, that evening,
I followed your plans, I gave into your whispers.

You dropped capsules into a paper bathroom cup.
My hands were shaking.

You gave me the poisonous cup, turned the handle on the sink.
I filled it with cold water.

And there was the moment,
where I doubted the necessity of it.

Your hand grabbed my cheeks, sharp nails digging into my skin.
Screaming, shouting in my face.
"Stupid kid, worthless child! Do as you're told!"

I broke away from your grip,
downing the bitter liquid.

Only stopping to refill the cup,
chugging down the rest of the dissolved pills.

You walked me back to my room,
tucked me into bed.

Bade me farewell.
Told me there'd be consequences if I woke.

For an hour, I couldn't stop shivering.
My vision was blurry and splotchy.
My lungs burned with every breath until I finally fell asleep.

But, your plan had failed.
The next morning, I woke.

I spent the day laying around, barely eating.
Trying to get over sickening nausea and stomach pains.

Somehow, my body had gotten rid of the toxins
You're still here, I can't rid myself of you.

Ever since that evening,
I can't drink out of a paper cup without gagging.

Ever since that evening,
I've come to realize that nothing I do matters.