i loved you
          i maybe even still do
some piece of me waiting
hoping it was all a bad dream
hoping that you’ll still text me goodnight
but why?
why am i still holding onto something
          that was so bad for my soul?
you were cruel (but hugged me gently)
you were abusive (but kissed me softly)
you were manipulative (but whispered “i love you”)
why were you so intoxicating?
how did i become so addicted
          to the kindness of your touch?
where did the kindness go?
i loved you
i love you
i still love you
i just want to know why?