my body misses you more than i do

no, no,
hold up,
before you accuse me
of being a "*** addict"
or only "wanting you for your body"
hear me out

when i say my body misses you more than i do
i mean
when we
started being more like a you and a me
i didn't like it
but neither did my body

TMI but
my stomach hasn't been so well
going to the bathroom after every meal
and nausea kinda follows me around
it's hard to lift my feet off the ground
i feel heavy
like i don't know to explain
what that means
but basically
my knees are buckling
and there is a bolus of food
stuck in my windpipe
it's getting kinda hard to fight

last night i started craving
fried food and sugar
and okay- maybe that's just ***
but like
my period is a good ten days away
that's not to say
that it shouldn't be this way
but
it shouldn't be this way

i got onion rings
but then threw them all up
because i could smell the oil
there is downright turmoil
in this body of mine
its definitely not fine

i wonder if i have bulimia
but that seems too simple an explanation
there's more to this situation
yesterday we talked
and i felt like i could eat
a three course meal and keep it
but now,
****,
a bite and i run to the bathroom
is it food poisoning?
i doubt it
because if you were here right now
i would be fine

all that aside
my heart is crumbling
my chest is collapsing
i can feel my ribs
break and buckle
because they have no use
left anyway
with all that heart break
and ****

so
i miss you
i do
but my body does too