Remember this moment

remember this, because I tend to forget her upturned
lips,
upturned wrists

and the way she rendered lists of reasons why it's splendid to exist,
reasons why living and loving and giving a ****
are only ten per cent struggle,
ninety per cent bliss

see, she made all the small things seem so massive.

Still,
I forget this
others haven't been there like I have
haven't seen her like I have.
Still, I forget this
how easy it is to push someone away because
I never thought I could,
but somehow did.

So then,
I can't forget again

not while we're still here

because it's never clear,
but through the moments between now and then
when I was drowning in my pretense
when I felt like I was losing the battle between myself and my health again,
drowning in premonitions of tense
fists,
blood spit
I shouldn't have quit
on her

But I had a bad habit of treating her like a forget-me-not
it's never something you can feel yourself regretting
until it's lost.

So, note to self,
remember this moment
and don't try to own it or clone it
possess it or test it
just let it rest
and quietly remember,

The reason you're not spinning out of control in the black hole that comes about when you're spaced out is that she

she remembered you.

Duct taped you back together with words
and you'll never really be brand new
but no longer on red alert
you can sit for a minute
and breathe a little bit.

Remember that she taught you to breathe again when you'd forgotten.

My beautiful oxygen mask,
I don't think for a second I could ever forget you,
but I won't pretend anymore
that I never did before
a forget-me-not that I swore to protect
and then stopped

when I poured out of myself,
helpless,
like a demon possessed,
like a woman on the edge.

I shattered glass and broke floors
like a decade-long hurricane,
now weak with relief, I piece together window panes
glue chests and drawers,
and lightly, lightly close the door
on dewy mornings, grey skies and marshy moors

I blow the bad energy out of the room
and swirl incense smoke around me and you

lifting your delicate face
with my well-meaning hands
I'll never, ever hurt you again.