Do not look for him, Do not hope for him. When you remember that his name is concreted into every brick building, forget the language that you shared by any means necessary. Drink about it, smoke about it, write about it. Then heal about it. Every curve of every sidewalk Is an involuntary chance to see him so shove the feelings so far down your throat you can barely breathe, and then don't breathe. Let it choke you until you've killed this sick compulsion inside of you to be something someone will fall in love with. Don't breathe until he is dead to you, but don't let it **** you first. **** it. Along with your need to be heard and to be seen by people who don't give a **** about you. Hold your stomach down when you see him or hear his name in other people's mouths, don't let it do somersaults, crack open your ribs and reach inside with your bare hands to hold it calm, If you have to. Become better from this, take your bitterness and let it turn you compunctious of being bitter. Be stronger. Do not let your knees buckle under the weight of him. Do not pretend it doesn't sting, because it stings like salt on wounds,
But remember who you are
and what you want. Do not self destruct, do not collapse everything holding you together because a man could not cradle your mind in his hands, or feel your heart against his.