every vertebrae vibrates
and cracks with every move i make
tried to put food in my mouth
but never really eat
close my eyes but never fall asleep

apathy is eating me whole
alive and unhealthy
words were uttered
promised as if a contract was signed
but a vow is just a set of words
its a myth
a myth you always believed in
like how you believed in tooth fairies
and wishing stars
like how i believed when you said
you will always be there
and like how i believed when you said
you were fine

the cuban missile crisis is waiting to be read
but nothing really comes into your head
every second is doubtful
i hated seconds, time and space
the culprit of desolations
even worst than famines and wars
because the worst scarcity
would be time itself

when time nudges you awake
a remnant of an hour earlier is left
in a snap the left part of his body was numb
and he uses his right to hold you hand
to squeeze it tightly and would never let go
like how tightly you held me when
i was about to drown during our
swimming lessons when i was but
a little girl believing
she was a real mermaid
uses his conscious eye to take a mili-second glimpse
and calls your name when he is in pain

everyone repeats their questions more than once
because he wouldn't hear
they always asked if he sees them
because his left eye couldn't see
it was never like that

you weren't that guy in a hospital gown
not even the one who couldn't walk by himself
you weren't him. that wasn't you
you were strong, you could walk and talk
you were the team captain and the coach
a father of four and a dreamer
you weren't that guy. *you will never be that guy