And there I was laying, my head in his lap. And there he was looking like some sort of Buddha. That's how it went, with me looking up and him looking down. That moment summarized everything we were. I aspired to his level, respect, superiority; he tried to change my ways. There were times when I believed in his power, his creed, and was avid about it, about him. But there were times I struggled to make sense of it all. Was it really what I wanted and what I stood for? There's a time when you are losing your religion where you still go through the motions for a bit, either from fear of change or in a desperate attempt to regain your former fervor. But eventually going through the motions becomes a chore, and then there isn't a Buddha anymore.