It's been a year since I was really bad
I was on the edge of falling
I cleaned up my act
I started taking meds
I ate more
I cried less
I slept
I became numb to everything
It felt like I was living in a dream
My brain was empty
I hated it
I got fat
I lost control
I started making excuses
So then I stopped taking the meds
It does crazy stuff to your head when you stop cold turkey
Suicide was all that was on my mind
But I decided that I would rather be honest with myself
and feel what I'm feeling
Instead of masking my mind everyday
My aunt avoided her mind
Stacked her body full of pills
She stopped eating
Now she weighs 85 lbs and her kids have to watch her
I don't want to be like that
I would rather be dead
This isn't really a poem
More of a rant
I just want to die
And I decided that
It's actually okay to feel like that.
I'm getting bad again.