Even as a child
my happyness
has been wired with fear.
When I laughed too hard at day
I had nightmares at night.

Is that the way we are taught to be?
When the day is bright
one should keep an eye opened for
the dark night yet to come.
And only speak of whishes
in murmur and undertone.

-A tradition passed on from father to son-
and even more subtly from a mother
to the woman that little girls is yet to become.
Are we afraid to be too happy?

Am I scared to breathe in full lungs?
I am quite sure fear is my predominant gene
and happyness is so illusive and intangible
that sometimes I doubit its even real
- but I want to scream out loud for once:
I am scared but I am thrilled to be here.

K.E