There's so many things I want to say to you
Things that bother me or that are on my mind
Yet it always seems like the wrong time
Or that I won't be able to convey my thoughts
They way they float around in my head.

I'm afraid you'll convince me that I was wrong to think them.
That I was stupid or selfish to want this or that.
It's not like you're a mean person, or controlling.
You just make a lot of sense when you talk.
So when I talk and don't seem to make a lot of sense,
You let me know. Usually nicely.
Occasionally you don't though.
And it  makes me not want to say anything at all.

So I end up thinking about them a lot more.
Convincing myself that if I think about them a lot
I won't mess up the words I rehearsed so many times.
But frankly, my communication muscle is just very weak.
And the times when I need it most
Are the times it's hardest to use.

I long to talk freely and eloquently,
To know what it's like to have logical thoughts
Which come out all in a row
Like soldiers marching to their own drums.

Until then, I stay quiet. Thinking.