I hate death.
I hate the eventuality of it
I stopped being scared the first time I hoped for it, the first time I chose to run alongside the car and try to leap into the door instead of wait for it to get to the bottom of the hill.
the eventuality of death is horrific.
I have to plan for when I'm alone.
that far-off time when the people I love cease to be
and that's terrible.
I hate death
I hate losing people, I hate that someday
someday I won't be able to go to your house
and watch those silly alien shows and make bad jokes with you.
I hate that someday I'll have to stop saying "my dad always says"
and start saying "my dad used to say".
I hate that you won't be able to help me anymore.
I hate how much I miss you even though I saw you today, even though you're still here.
I ******* hate that I have to plan for you to be gone when I can't even fathom a world
without you crying over pixar movies and dogs
without quiet heart to hearts on the porch, the boxer circling our legs like our words are morsels for her to grab
I can't even imagine never having your grilled steak again, silly as it is
I hate death
because it will eventually take you