Boston    1995 -   
With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay
You said, “Hey man, I love you but no fucking way”
With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay
You said, “Hey man, I love you but no fucking way”
P Julianna
P Julianna
7 days ago

Scraped knees and burnt lungs
Hair pulling and touching tongues
Study hard, fail a class
Makeup on, the perfect mask
Scales and sex, you have no power
One night stand, take a shower
Class at eight, get up at nine
Lie to your parents, "I'm doing fine"
Black lace bra, sexy dress
Frat house party, look your best
Pills and smokes, just one more
Boy comes over, shut the door
Greedy hands and spoken words
Words he says he never heard
Sink running, your eyes are too
Look in the mirror, someone new
Black circles, white washed skin
"How the hell did I get so thin"
Another pill, another chapter
The college life everyone's after

He says he loves me, so genuine and real
My thoughts he has captured, my heart he may steal

Innocent hands and strong arms hold me tight
And I can feel his breathing, his heartbeat, all night
The stories he tells make his eyes run wet
He looks at me with panic, his face full of fret
Afraid I will leave, a pathetic man with bad pasts
But everyone wears these self construed masks
He doesn't understand he is the full perfect package
If only he knew my past full of baggage
I hold him in my arms, kiss away his tears
So salty and sweet but no one can kiss away someone's fears
So we lay there and talk of where we have been
Our ups and our downs, hearts trying to mend

He says he loves me, so genuine and real
My thoughts he has captured, my heart he will steal

P Julianna
P Julianna
Sep 9      Sep 10

We talk as if
Your hands have more wrinkles
And your eyes have seen
The world

As if
I don't deserve your
Time or effort because
You don't want to be seen with
An embarrassment like me, because
I haven't "lived"

But please don't forget
You once looked at me with
Eyes that didn't need
To see the world,
And once, your inexperienced
Hands were used for learning the curves
Of my body rather than illustrating
The journeys that have made you so
Cultured and wise

Darling, I'm so sorry, but
You've got it all wrong
As if you know what
It really means to

  Reposted by P Julianna  ·  Sep 9
Krusty Aranda
Krusty Aranda
Sep 7      Sep 7

Lay awake
Think of you
Close my eyes
See me too?
Hold your hand
Smile at me
Open heart
Do you see?
Silent kiss
Never comes
Still I wait
Hope not gone
Freezing wind
Warmth of home
In your arms
Not alone
Sit with me
Hear my song
Read my tale
Draw our love
One more time
Try again
On my lips
Yours remain

  Reposted by P Julianna  ·  Sep 9

Shall love be limited
To the bearer of true soul
Are you so afraid
To just let go

Embrace your heart
Control the beat
Fear not the reaper
Resolve your beast

The realm of all possibilities
Holds a constant flow
Through new days of uncertainty
In the benevolence of our role...

P Julianna
P Julianna
Dec 29, 2014

Sitting on the beach staring up at my
"High School" friends,
Isn't that weird, having to put the word
High School before so you know I'm not talking about
All the other people I've met since college

It may not seem like it matters but it does
Because these are the people I grew up with and now
Everything feels so different

They're lighting another joint, I watch their eyes
Go from open and alert to smiling and red
I blame this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach on the
Random drug tests that prevent me from joining in,
But it's not just that which makes me feel
So out of place

A white lie of feeling sick puts me back in my car
To send me back to the "comfort" of my home
But the only sickness I'm feeling is the
Depression deep in my stomach

I pull up to a red light and stare
Absent minded at the car in front of me

Happy Birthday to me. Green light.
I turn left and seriously contemplate
Driving my car head first into the stone wall ahead of me

Another red light
I tell myself I can't think like that
But am so surprised that college didn't make me
More normal. I expected it to change me
In so many more ways than it has

There are these paper dolls I used to play with
When I was younger and I can't get them out of my head
Another thing that may not seem important, but
I tore through my whole house looking
For these small pieces of cardboard with their
Cardboard dresses and suits
I don't know what that means but I couldn't find them
And cried

Pull into the drive way and
Carry myself up the same stairs I've been
Climbing since I was born
I don't think anyone should live in the same house
For nineteen years
There are memories hiding in the walls and
Secrets behind every closed door that can't escape me

Present Time
I'm in bed writing this meaningless poem
Thinking about him, and it's giving me this
Weird feeling in my fingertips

My computer has had this virus for the past two months
That I keep ignoring, too lazy to fix, too busy to find out
What exactly is wrong
I think my computer and I have a lot in common

So Happy Birthday to me
Nineteen seems like such a hollow age to be

  Reposted by P Julianna  ·  Nov 14, 2014
Jack Piatt
Jack Piatt
Nov 14, 2014      Nov 14, 2014

She complained about the sun thinning
Maybe it was on some sort of cosmic diet
She complained about me, to me
She loved me, but she didn’t love her
Self that is

She didn’t see what was easy for me to see
The little lies that fell from her mouth
Quickly morphing into truth out of respect
For the heart they used to sing with on mornings
When sleep wouldn’t stick around

She … She was something
Something to revel at
When she used the window for a TV screen
Buses and bikes gliding by quiet trees

She would blow me kisses but quickly suck them back in
Laughing at how quickly my smile fell into a frown

She loved me

(c) Nov 2014
#love   #thoughts   #she  
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