In my dreams, my soul wanders
and sometimes it bumps to yours
and I guess you can call it crazy,
but I think you are having the
same dream as I do and
when the sun rises and wakes us up,
your mind forgets,
but you feel this something inside
and maybe it's your soul longing
for mine.

Because to tell you the truth,
I always get this kinds of feeling
in the morning, when I look
beside me, and see you're not here,

and I know it's my soul
craving for yours.

How am I supposed
to have wings,
how am I supoosed
to learn how to fly,
when I always need
at least one feet
to be in touch with
the ground, when
I always need
sturdy branches
to hold on to?

Tell me how am I
supposed to be free
when I can't let
the wind carry me?

I wanted to ask you
what are we really,
what am I to you
but you might not
say anything and I'm
afraid that that's
what we really are.

I now pride myself
for having a soft heart and
knowing that I can
fix it by myself.

My poems are mine and
I don't think it's time for you
to get to know them.

They are not ready,
I know you are not ready,
I am not ready.

When the time is ripe
and these words finally made
sense to you and me,

maybe, just maybe
I'll let you sneak a peak and
give them one by one.

i liked you not only because
you were amazing at
playing the drums,
guitar and piano.

i liked you because
i saw that spark in your eyes.

i liked you not only because
of your chiseled features.

i liked you because
you can be soft.

i liked you not only because
you promised to keep
me safe in world.

i liked you because
you promise you'll
walk beside me while
we travel.

i liked you not only because
you keep bringing
roses to my doorstep.

i love that,
but i liked you because
they were white
and you knew.

i liked you not only because
you make me feel safe,
safer than my own home.

i liked you because
you never gave up on me.

i liked you not only because
I can tell you my secrets.

i like you because
you tell me yours back
and maybe you do
trust me.

but i think
i don't like you
anymore...

i think
i love you.

I don't know why I'm
missing you tonight, maybe
because you left me
hanging in my dreams.

It's funny,
how she
can easily
see
the beauty.

In others,
but never
within her.

I don't like playing
hide and seek
because I'm so good
at hiding,

people get tired of looking.

So I remain lost.

I still am.

Yes, she's very materialistic
but before you lecture her
about the impermanence
of things, about the importance
of human connection,
know this.

She is aware.
She knows the bond
between souls is incomparable,
that it is beyond words,
the way people open up.

She knows.

The only reason
she values things
as much as people
is that she longs
for something tangible,
something she sees,
something that is
always there.

Because for her,
people are birds.

They come.
They go.
Some come back.
Some don't.

They say that there is
always something
unspoken between
two people,

and sometimes I think
our was the three words
we're too afraid to say,
like everyone else.

I think we'll never gonna say it,

but we know,
deep inside.

Right?

I feel like I'm never
gonna open up,
not because I don't want to,
but becase there's no one
to open up to.

I have sent a lot
of people free- everyone,
except for myself.

and sometimes,
i tell strangers
about you.

i would tell them
about your eyes
and your smile
and the way you
hold my hand
and how safe you
make me feel.

sometimes,
i tell strangers
about you

but when they ask
about us,

i have nothing.

And I know you already love someone. That's why I'm staying out of your life even before I come in halfway.

And if you promise to stay,
I'll let you strum my heartstrings,
I'll let you make my head pound.
I'll let you set free the butterflies,
and I'll you grow flowers in my palm.

Oh god, just promise me you'll stay,
and I'm gonna stop running away.

I envy birds.

They have this
special part of
their brain that
is only for singing.

They come in
multiple colors
and everyone
is exceptionally
beautiful.

But most of all,
they have wings.
They can fly to
south for the winter.
They can go to places
most of us can't.

They are free.

I stood down here,
arms wide open,
waiting for you.

They got tired,
I got tired,
but I never moved an inch,
because I'll never know when
you'll come,
when you'll finally decide
to cut the strings,
when you'll learn to trust.

I am here.
I am here.
I am here.

Waiting for you to take the fall.

I am ready to catch you,
more than ready.

I will wait.

I am here.
I am here.
I am here.

I have this ache in my back, you see
and before I thought it was just bad posture
so I stood and sit up straight and held my head high.

But then the pain never receded,
I thought it mimics the curve of your smile,
the arches of your hands,
the ridges of your palms.

That's when I realized

I was falling for you
and it was not you
or my posture that's
affecting my back,

it was wings growing
to stop the fall.

And I took the flight.

I know you will wait for me.
I am thankful for that,
but that's what I'm afraid of.

What if I'm not anymore
the person you fell in love with?

I told you I'm the sea,
dependent on the moon
for my highs and lows.

I told you I'm the sea,
only a drop can ever be
understood.

I told you I'm the sea,
I make storms.

I told you I'm the sea.
You told me you are the shore,
waiting for that kiss.

I know you will wait for me
and that's what I'm afraid of.

What if I never come back?

You put your arms around me.
You smiled your real smile.
You held my hand.
You ran after me.
You looked deep into my eyes
and said how serious you were.
Oh god you made me feel loved.

But it was just a dream.

It hurt.
It hurt waking up.

I wanna go back

to my dream,

*to you.

Sometimes I ask questions
not for their answers but as
an excuse to talk to you again
and sometimes, I think to myself,
you answer because you want to talk too.

Poems are making me sad.

Every word pierces me,
and every sentence
rearranges itself
and spells your name.

Poems are making me sad,
but you are making me sadder.

And I could tell you
that you mean a lot to me
but I could see
in your eyes
that you don't want to.

I rarely see her,
  but when I do,
    oh when I do,
       it's like the oceans
         found my heart
            and won't stop
               drowning me.

I rarely see her,
   but my love,
     oh my love,
        it grows more
           and more,
              I can feel flowers
                 in my lungs.

And I know how much she loved flowers

Stop looking at things that hurt.
Stop thinking about what you did wrong.
Stop thinking about those people
and stop giving them every little bit
of your energy that you should be
giving to yourself.
Stop asking for forgiveness when
you know you did nothing wrong.
Stop asking them to come back.
Stop running after them.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.

You don't need them.
They don't deserve you.

You asked me who I love.
My heart screamed you, you
but I said another name
and now I'm so ****** at myself
and I can't forget the look in your eyes.

I can't bear to say your name,
it's like fire in mouth,
people stepping on my chest,
water in my lungs,
shards of glass in my bones.

I say your name
and I ache all over,

but then I when I looked in your eyes,
you were aching all over

and
   that
     hurt
        more
           than
              all
                of
                  our
 ­                    unsaid
                        goodbyes.

She plays with words
like marbles and jackstones
and she plays with hearts
like jumping ropes and cards.

She holds you inside of her palm
and you can feel the little earthquakes
happening inside her everyday.

She holds you inside of her palm
and when she picks up the pen and writes,
all you can read is

*you, you, you.

i. I will see you again in the weekend.

ii. It's been months since we last talked,
months since I've felt something again.
Today's different.

iii. You see my dear,
nothing really ever lasts,
especially with me.

iv. Emotions fade,
feelings disappear,
moments pass,
people go,
dreams are forgotten.

v. I would like to think
you're the exception,
that because of you,
I'll finally have something
to hold on to,
something to remember,
something to look forward with.

vi. But that's not the case.
I forget to remember,
you forget to cherish,
we forget to nurture,

we forget us.
(If there was even an us.)

vii. I will see you again this weekend.
And it's like starting with page one,

I'm confused with what to feel about that.

I admit, I don't like exerting effort.
I am sorry but I am not gonna hold on
when I feel that all you want is to let go.
I am sorry but I am not gonna run after you
the moment you decide it's not worth it anymore.
I am sorry but I am not that kind of girl.

But that doesn't mean that I am not
gonna cry when you slip away,
that my heart won't be crushed to pieces
when I see you with someone happy.

It's just that I want to be free.
I don't want to weigh you down.
I want you to be with someone
that deserves you.

My door is open but I am sorry,
I am not going to keep you inside.

There's nothing she desires more than to fly, to be free, and she says she's sorry if she never stays.

There's nothing he desires more than to come home, to feel safe and he says he's sorry if he never comes out.

There's nothing she wants more than to find someone to fly with.

There's nothing he wants more than to share his home with.

One day she landed.

One day he came out.

Fate build a bridge and you know what happens next.

He grew wings.

She learned to walk.

She's at home.

He's free.

If you think this is the end, it's not.

We're just starting.

I don't know what
To feel about you.

It's like I want to hope
I still own your heart

But there's this voice
Saying you've found
Someone new.

But darling,
This is the first time
I don't mind being uncertain.

Only you can make me feel that.

Why did I ever let you go?

The rain is so serene,
it reminds me of how
light your hands are
when it brushes my cheeks,
how soft you palm are
when I pretend to
fortune tell-
that's the only way
I can hold your hands,
how sincere your looks are
when I open up to you.

The rain is so light,
it reminds me of how it felt
when I let you go,
of how I cried without tears,
of how you left without goodbyes.

The sun is hiding.
You are gone.

My sun is gone and
I don't know how long
I can last without your warmth.

When the waves carried my tears to ocean,
I hope you remember my name everytime it rains.

After the mountains echoed my sobs,
I hope you remember my name everytime my song plays.

Before the stars start forming constellations,
I hope you remember my name everytime you look up.

And when the full moon shows her face,
I hope you remember my name everytime you whisper to it.

Because I have my hands covered of dirt
and I feel my feet slowly sinking,
I just hope you remember my name everytime you see
Plumeria albas on the way home.

*I just hope you remember me

There is a term in chemistry,
particularly in the nucleophillic
addition of alkyl halides called
pentavalent transition state
that says there could be partially
formed bond and a partially broken
bond existing at the same in a carbon atom.

Sounds nice because there is still a chance.

But my professor said that that cannot last forever.

One bond must be fully broken
in order for one to stay.

I know I have to leave...

but can I stay at least a little more?

I don't know if I'm
gonna believe those songs.

I don't even know if
they were for me.

I don't know if I'm
willing to take that risk again.

Because I don't know if I can handle
another heartbreak, especially from you.

I don't know.
But I want to.

Your works,
they speak with emotions,
they scream and
they puncture every heart
who ever got the chance to read them.

But my dear
your eyes,

I've never seen something so empty.

Aren't we all?

Aren't we all in the process of changing,
in the process of growing up and
becoming a new individual all the while
staying the same?

Aren't we all walking along same roads,
just different directions?

And aren't we all discovering ourselves,
in the process of knowing others?

Aren't we all?

I don't remember
everything from my dreams but


**I remember you.

I now don't mind that
you look at me as if
I were glass.

Because when I started
looking at you the same,

my vision has never been so clear.