In mere moments,
it seems, I will be
wrapped under stale
hospital sheets;
throat scratching from
a breathing tube,
a hollow body where
organs have been
sawed away.

I still love the womb
that only cultivates
funerals, would keep
it forever inside
if it had allowed.

I think of the cyclical
nature of hope—
how those who cradle
around pretend to
not notice the quiet
decay of one’s body,
promising me
there’s still semblance
of a woman residing
here.

-Kathryn Paige // The Hysterectomy

you reside in
benevolent prose,
tightly woven
to heaving ribs
not designed to
bear this weight
of losing you.

I am still learning
to not break
at the sound
of your name;
I am still learning
to persist without
your presence.

-Kathryn Paige

He watches as
I ache, listens to
the sound of bones
splintering at his
feet, and falls
into stillness
once more.

There is no
presence near
enough to hold me,
and I am clinging
to empty pages,
begging to
be heard.

k.p

Most days,
I still feel
the ache of
bruised bones
the way vets
still feel the sting
of lost limbs,
and I wonder
how long it takes
for something
no longer present
to heal.

And last night,
I heard gunshots
that sounded just
like your name
as I was reminded
some things exist
for no other reason
than to cause pain.

I am nothing more
than this small frame
and protruding ribs,
knots of hair lying
on the bathroom floor,
remembering what it
once felt like
to be whole.  

-k.p

It was the way
we fell silent
the second your
hand brushed mine—
We are both so
hesitant, and I am
still learning
how to love.

-k.p//let's pretend it's nothing

And I loved you because
you saw me—
through all that I was
and all that I was to be.

And for the first time ever,
I am to you as I
am to everyone else,
and how painful it is
to be a ghost to
the one you love.

-k.p//ghost

know that tomorrow
holds the promise
of a new beginning
and each morning,

you are reborn.

-k.p

2am comes and
I am haunted by
foreign words and
thoughts of skin,
and skin, and skin.

And when I wake,
the sun will kiss me
through cracked blinds
and muted sheets,
but my mind
will have wandered
far from here.

-k.p

and i can't help but wonder
if you still hope for me
at the sight of
every
          falling
                     star
because all my wishes
still drift towards thoughts
of you in hopes that
one day, maybe
light years won't seem
so       far       away.

-k.p//light years

Memories once wrapped in silk
are now collecting
on the windowsill.
And I've traced outlines in the dust,
placing heavy exhales where
words were meant to be.

And I look at her,
and she is so trusting
of love, and I'm trying
to find beauty in these endings.

-k.p//silk laced memories

blood that has washed away so
promptly in the past is
now circling the sink drain.
leaving everything in shades of red,
this red is all i see.

and i'm in love with
distant memories;
i'm in love with
last night's dream—
always right here with me,
just simply out of reach.

-k.p//out of reach

lately,
this hospital room
has felt more like home
than anywhere else,
with days spent fearing
gravestone silence and
latex stings.

and when our tears
meet the ground,
they sound a lot
like sirens, and
we are just ghosts
condemned to
brittle bones.

-k.p//sirens bring us home

thursday evenings
wrapped in stiff sheets
that leave me feeling
far from home,
bearing sacred memories
in scarred palms,
grasping for a moment
that passed long ago.

-k.p//unease

i spent hours
searching for the
reason behind all
my hurting.

i found you everywhere.

-k.p

i'm sorry this world
didn't love you better.
may you always be
remembered as a light.

-k.p//apology to logan

it's been one year,
and the bruises you
left on my skin have
sunk to my heart.

-k.p

My heart sighs with relief
knowing that even after
all it's been through,
it stills remains just as soft
as it continues to love.

-k.p

writing these words,
reliving this pain,
i can't tell if it's
stitching me
back together or
tearing me
apart.

-k.p

tonight, my sister found
that the boy she loves
is kissing another girl
goodnight, and i held her
at 1am as she got used to
the feeling of saltwater
staining her cheeks.

you can not tell me
love is always kind, for i have
never known love to be
anything other than this.

-k.p//we fear what others chase

i don't want to
turn my head and
shut my eyes at
the sight of sunsets
because it's only
a matter of time
before the night
closes in.
i fear i'll always
dismiss beautiful
things because
i know they won't
last forever, and
that causes me to
lose them before
they're even gone.

i'm the reason
you ran so far
from god but
i don't think he
was ever here to
start because
you wore a cross
around your neck
and it never meant
a thing when you
had me tangled
in your sheets

and i don't care where
i end up after this life
because you left me
in a state of hell the
second you said
hurting me meant
nothing when the
only forgiveness
you need is given
by someone
i can't see.

-k.w//i can't remember the last time i saw god

In a world that
has failed to keep
you safe,
I hope you find
peace among the stars.

-k.p//orlando

like the tattoo
you got at sixteen,
you wore me proudly
for a little while,
but as time passed,
I was covered up by
something better
and eventually forgotten
as a whole.

-k.w//your ****** tattoo

I am tangled hair
after long drives
on hot summer
afternoons with the
windows down, stuck
in that timeless moment
when you can't
help but smile
because you know
that you're free.

I am the freckles
scattered across the
backs of my
arms and hands that
make up hundreds
of tiny constellations—
all complex,
all imperfect,
all beautiful.

I am the song
that takes you back
to that simplistic moment
after your junior year
of high school—
the one that you
haven't listened to
in years, but
still remember
every word like it's
the back of
your hand.

I was never put here
on accident.
I am no mistake.

-k.p//i am

One day,
you will begin to realize
that you can't save
other people—
you can only love them
as they learn to
save themselves.

-k.w

there is no control in anything

i feel i have no choice
but to tear apart this body
as if it's some worn down structure
with framework too shaky to house
anything other than good intentions

and i see the look in my
mother's eyes as she wishes
she could do more for me
but i have found no way to
alleviate this battle—
staying up late for sins i know
i'll regret in the morning

and the only things that stay
are those i so desperately
wish would disappear

-k.w//framework

He stopped searching for love,
and I fear that he grew tired
of tasting the ghost of
her on the lips of
other women.  

-k.w//what if

Our inevitable end was discovered in such an ordinary moment— eating at a cheap diner while the rest of the city was asleep. We shared a booth, and your arms were wrapped around me as you reminded me that "each day, I am new." We drove home with the windows rolled down, and we sang on the top of our lungs. Laughter filled the space around us because you were off-key and I had forgotten the lyrics, but we never cared about impressing each other. We just wanted to be real. And in this moment, you were oblivious to the fact that I knew our time was ending.

The last time you saw me, I had tears in my eyes because I knew we wouldn't speak again. But if I could go back and replay it all, you wouldn't have found a trace of sadness in my voice because it is unfair to expect everyone to stay forever. I'll still indefinitely look back on these memories and smile.

I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted, but you had the choice to love me how I was, and it was you who decided to not love me at all.

-k.w//cheap diner

I wrote you a letter on the back of a napkin, but it will never grace your touch. My feelings are so indistinguishable, and nothing should be written in ink only to be crossed out soon after. This was a habit of yours, and everything has been written in red because of it.

Memories of us are collecting dust in a shoebox beneath my bed that I won't dare open until my heart is for another. Because although one day, these things won't cut me open or sting, I'm still skipping over the third step leading up to my front door now.

Your love for me was fleeting, and that is all right. I do well on my own, but you always wondered why I was scared of calling you mine. Darling, this is what I feared.

-k.w//written in red

I got drunk
in attempt
to drown out these
thoughts of you.

You came back
the next morning
in the form of a
headache.

-k.w//i escaped you, but only for a night

I am composed of all
the broken promises
and forbidden secrets
of others.
I am a shelter to many,
and even after they've left,
these pieces will
remain safe within me—
always.

-k.w//vault

I have spent too many nights
scratching at my skin,
begging it to forget
your touch.

-k.w//you remain

And if I were you,
I would never trust my words.
I have lied to so many by
telling them I love them,
and it is never followed by
aching guilt.

These lines are the only
form of honesty I have left,
and I'm not sure I want
this part of me to change.

So when I'm standing in
the doorway,
and I tell you
I love you,
I hope you won't make
too much of it.
I promise I won't when
you whisper,
"I love you, too."

-k.w//false affirmations

I am breaking my
own heart just to feel something—
anything at all.

i want our fingers
interlocked on
crowded sidewalks
and busy streets,
and i want us
to sip coffee
while we admire
strangers from
afar.
i want mid-afternoon
laughter, and
heartfelt conversations
late at night
when everything
seems a bit more
real.
i want to listen
to all your
favorite songs,
and share long
car rides with no
destination in mind.

i want all these things,
only you do not
want me.

-k.w//over

love is not a switch
you can turn on and off—
you either always feel it,
or it was never there at all.

The sky is painted with
shades of blue and grey,
and there are miles of open road
ahead of me.
I hear music that makes
my heart skip,
and I am surrounded by people
who love me so.

And in this moment,
my past isn't holding me down.
I am not restrained in any way
to live how I want.
Right now, happiness is everywhere,
and I am letting it take control.

-k.w//Tennessee

You've grown so comfortable with
one-way conversations and
vacant stares.
You have allowed silence
to fill the space around you,
and apathy to reside in the broken
pieces of your heart—
all because you've been
hurt too much before.

You are mysteries upon mysteries,
but you won't let anyone
past your surface.

You have made such a home in the shadows,
and I don't think you ever want to be found.

-k.w//living in the shadows

We never found
tragedy in one
another.

-k.w

We have made a habit of
hiding the darkest parts of ourselves
where no one else can find them.
Sometimes, I think I've hidden things so well, I won't even be able
to recover them from myself.

And one day, we will spill
our hearts out,
and reveal everything
to anyone who is willing to listen
purely because the act of concealing
does nothing but exhaust
the soul.

-k.w//always in hiding

I love days like today—
when flowers are
being pressed
between the crinkled
pages of my
notebook, and
blades of grass are
sticking to
my bare feet.
I'm humming a line
from a song
I can't remember
the name of,
and the sun is
peeking through the
space between my
blinds.

And I can't help
but to feel alive
when I'm marveling
over all that's
surrounding me.

-k.p

Although the pain was uninvited, and although it broke my heart, I'm coming out stronger because of it. I can only stay underwater for so long before I'm welcomed by fresh air.

And even though it feels like I'm drowning right now, I know it will all end in steady breaths.

It hurts now. God, it hurts now, but I know I grow in the pain.

-k.w//growing by the hour

there are days
when i'm grateful i didn't
share all my secrets
with you,

and there are days
when i wonder if the act of
pouring myself out
would've made you stay.

-k.w//secrets