I’m too smart to fail
I’m too good to mess up
I’m too pretty to be insecure
I’m too talented to be doubtful
I’m too perfect to be anxious
I’m too loved to hate myself

I wish this was the truth.

Don’t let me doubt.
If you let your doubt out,
I’ll never see the light of sun.
Not above not below
Not ever, not anymore.  
There are sparks in my eyes,
A flame that’s dim
Don’t let it go out
Don’t let it out.
The color of your blue sky interlaced
With the brights of my eyes.
It keeps me alive.
Letting me down,
Letting my doubt run free
Planting seeds to never see them sprout,
It still leaves these weeds inside of me.
See these weeds,
Something you’ve never heard
Words you’ll say again
Green grows out of my mouth
Faster faster
Harboring the in the arbor of my mind
My truth, your lies.
Is it your truth or is it mine?
I’m quiet.
It hurts.
Every breath of life feels worse
The doubt the doubt the doubt
It sprouts and grows
But none of this you’ll ever know.
I’m captured and I can’t be found.
Again I ask,
Don’t let your doubt out.

when I told my therapist that I felt lonely,
she said in response that
she didn’t want to belittle my experience
and I only half-heartedly believed her
when she told me that we all feel lonely,

but darlin’ I know you’re so lonely.

I didn’t see it ever stopping
I wanted to be free
When will nothing hurt anymore?
I grew tired of guessing and failing
This is why I did it
I was tired and burnt out
Even my gut reminded me with a stabbing pain,
Reminded me of everything I would never and could never be
So with this note
I set myself free.

Don’t try to follow,
You’ll learn to live without me.

P.S. Your love was always enough. I had always spiraled so quickly, it was just too hard to catch myself this time.

I think there is beauty in the fine lines
Hands that bend and crack
I never saw it there before
But something old is something new
I’m waiting for my own crown of wisdom
Youth is a treacherous heart
So I pass the many years waiting
For those many gray hairs, waiting
But until then I’ll just watch and listen
And maybe learn along the way