My mind has been troubled,
heart vexed.

On a point,
on a topic
that is relentless.

A continuation,
recurring theme,
that never stops.

I try to block it,
try to rid myself of
these thoughts.

But here it goes.

How do you define a person?
Either a man or woman.
Is it their job,
their upkeep?

Maybe it's their physique,
their physical attributes.
What they possess,
or in some cases,
what they don't have.

Is it the smile,
the eyes,
their build?
Short, tall,
curvy, or toned?

What makes them special?
What makes them different
than the rest
who look the same way?

What is it about these qualities
that it is really necessary?
Does one become less of a man or woman
without these acceptable qualities.

What's wrong with "average?"
What's wrong with not having these
things we think we have to have?

I assure you there are many we
look over,
pass by,
because they lack certain qualities.

Qualities that are not necessarily needed,
only wanted.
The same qualities found not just in a few people,
but in many.

So what separates one from the many?
What makes one greater or lesser than any other?

Why do you only care what people look like,
instead of who they are.

You get this idea that everything will be perfect,
not looking past the outside beauty.
Not seeing the problems or faults,
instead you ignore them.

Instead of looking reality in the face,
and seeing beyond the surface.
You tell yourself a lie and believe
everything will be ok.

Since what a person looks like seems to
be more important.

I assure you if that person
was not as easy on the eyes,
if they ******* up just once, '
you would call it quits.
  
It would be a different story if it were
fantasy guy or girl you wanted,
you would stay for mere fact
that they were beautiful.

Tell me I'm wrong.
Tell me that what I see
isn't the truth.

Tell me that your ideal
"man" or "woman"
is what you say it is.

And I'll tell you,
you have nothing but
unrealistic fantasies.

Sometimes I wonder if I am too critical.
Taking away the limelight,
casting a shadow over an idea,
or am I right about my opinion?

I read into things
I notice when things are off,
not by much,
but still know when its wrong.

I caught a certain movie this way.
Where things were wrong,
plain to see, for anyone who
knows their Bible.

Scriptural based problems, that are
either left out or completely changed.
Too much freedom in creativity when there are
four distinct accounts in the Bible.

Yet this one starts with the premise it is from John,
where numerous distortions are found.

But the biggest issue is never mentioned in the movie,
why does Jesus have to die?
The only viewpoint that is really shown is that Jesus "blasphemes God"
according to the Jews.

The issue arises when there is no
explanation why Jesus has to die.
What is the significant reason of Him dieing for us?
This is not mentioned,
neither is the Holy Spirit.

There are a lot of minor issues in the movie,
but to skip the purpose of why
Jesus came to earth is not shown.

Yes, He dies on the cross,
but it doesn't reflect His  
reason for doing so.

I hope this movie stirs talk
in finding the truth.
The meaning for why Jesus died for us.
That the minor details
that are either left out or added,
are noticed.

Making people open up the Bibles
to see it for themselves,
as it is written.

It allows people to learn more
about a story that they have heard
time and time again,
but learning something new.

Picking up on verses
they never interpreted before.

To learn and gain knowledge of the one Book
which should matter the most,
to truly understand and know the Son of God.

~The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1: 7

I have this constant battle,
mainly in my mind.

The thought of being with someone,
having a relationship,
falling in love.

But I have turmoil if I should even try.
I am not scared mind you,
I just feel there is no one who sees me.

The select ones who do,
obviously find faults in me,
which I know.
I understand them.

But there is a lack of unconditional
I try so hard not to say something that will offend,
but it seems all too easy to do so,
without even trying.

The problem is me.
The things that I thought would
never affect me, has.

My past, my troubles have swooned,
growing and festering inside,
growing out of control.
My being has become evil.

My words harsh,
my heart darkened.
my thoughts deplorable.

How have I come to this?
For the sake of those I love,
why would I become close just
to destroy the bonds I have.

To destroy the relationships that are dear to me,
would be my undoing.
I must keep a distance for their sake,
so I can no longer hurt them,
or make them angry.

I must keep control of these
demons that are inside of me.

I need to change,
I know that,
the demons I have,
they need to be kept under wraps,
hidden from the rest of the world.

But who could ever love me as I am,
with the demons I try to hide?

My heart is troubled,
more often now than ever before.

Complications of what I see,
as a one way street.
It is a continuous road that never stops.

It's not a give and take,
requiring me to sacrifice more
and more each time.

I don;t even benefit from it.
I don't expect to.
But a little appreciation or
thought would be nice.

I feel like I do this out
of the goodness of myself,
but there is little returned,
if anything at all.

Again, I wouldn't do it
for the sake of something in return.
It just ***** when there is no
reply or reciprocation of what
I have done for them, ever.

No thought or inclination,
not a moment of time,
no mention or even notion
of my existence.

I grow tired of these complications of
no reciprocation.

I tired of the awkwardness,
feeling hurt,
scarred,
alone.

Because that's how I feel,
no matter who I am with.

A room full of friends,
or strangers.

It doesn't matter.

I am not treated any differently.
Sometimes I am treated better by
those I don't know.

Maybe it's because
they don't know me yet.

The bridges I have,
I try to keep.
But they eventually burn.

I guess the issue is me,
since bridges seem to burn
all the time.

If they aren't burnt yet,
they are on the cusp of starting.

Maybe I do read
into things.

Sometimes I do,
but most of the time,
I base my decision
on what I see.

I have the ability to remember,
too much at times,
remembering things I would
rather forget.

But what I do see
and what I learn,
I calculate
and discern.

When I bring revelation,
it is merely mocked at,
ignored,
or rejected.

Yet I tend to be right
on the money.

Sometimes I would rather be wrong,
seeing what I knew,
but kept it on the back burner.

People don't understand what I see,
what others do not.

They don't want to face the music,
or see the truth when it's right
in front of them.

But that's just me,
maybe I am wrong,
and reading into it again.

It seems like,
people think they really
know me.

The problem is,
they don't.

Not unless they really
care.

Where my life is only shown
in the words I write.

No one really cares about
what I write,
so how does one know me?

I try to share my work,
not for my work's sake,
but because it's me.

It's clear and conscious
side of me,
raw but polished.

Where people don't get lost
with what I say
or how I speak.

My words are known,
meaning you could know me
only if you cared.