I have this constant battle,
mainly in my mind.

The thought of being with someone,
having a relationship,
falling in love.

But I have turmoil if I should even try.
I am not scared mind you,
I just feel there is no one who sees me.

The select ones who do,
obviously find faults in me,
which I know.
I understand them.

But there is a lack of unconditional
I try so hard not to say something that will offend,
but it seems all too easy to do so,
without even trying.

The problem is me.
The things that I thought would
never affect me, has.

My past, my troubles have swooned,
growing and festering inside,
growing out of control.
My being has become evil.

My words harsh,
my heart darkened.
my thoughts deplorable.

How have I come to this?
For the sake of those I love,
why would I become close just
to destroy the bonds I have.

To destroy the relationships that are dear to me,
would be my undoing.
I must keep a distance for their sake,
so I can no longer hurt them,
or make them angry.

I must keep control of these
demons that are inside of me.

I need to change,
I know that,
the demons I have,
they need to be kept under wraps,
hidden from the rest of the world.

But who could ever love me as I am,
with the demons I try to hide?