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Jenner Mekito Dec 2013
Why can't I express my rage?
My feelings?

This disbelief of betrayal
to a degree?

I know you don't care,
whenever I talk,
you ignore me.

If you do listen it is
for a short time.

And when I am finished,
there is no answer.

A sarcastic remark,
no answer,
no patience,
and not one ounce
of respect.

Why do I try so hard,
to just get a response,
when even that is near
impossible?

If an answer comes,
it's not helpful,
it's a general solution,
with no real fixes.

But I guess you do this
to everyone else?
Because I know that's not true.

There is no genuine kindness
towards me,
I guess you just tolerate me.
Jenner Mekito Dec 2013
I guess I am an island,
where I am secluded with
my thoughts.

Thoughts that seem to
enrage others,
go against the grains,
spoken even when it's not
appropriate.

My thoughts seem to unique,
since everyone seems to not agree
on my take on my opinions.

Maybe I am the only one.

When I share my thoughts,
I am easily dismissed,
ignore, or
told that I am wrong.

That what I see isn't real.

Yet time after time
I watch and see,
trying to notice if I
do go too far,
if I take things
the wrong way.

Trying to discern
if I blow things out of
proportion,
or is it real.

As I watch
the more saddened I become,
knowing what I thought
was true.

And those I have spoken to,
try to silence me,
because what I say
offends them,
or makes them think before
they talk to me,
how they treat me.

Because I am not treated the same,
I know this,
I watch it.

I am not treated the same
like everyone else.
People around me act
differently,
even my friends.

I am played the fool.
Jenner Mekito Dec 2013
Love,
it's a word we think
we understand and yet
we really don't.

We think it's
an emotion we have,
and we think we fall
in love with someone.

But is it real?
Is it more than skin deep?
Is it more than just lust?
More than just an idea of
falling for that person?

Love is more than that,
It is a verb and
not a noun.

Love should speak volumes when
we portray i,.
without having to say so.

Love is a choice too.
We either choose to look at faults
or look past them.
To forgive or not.
To remember those failures
or forget them.

Did we fall in love with
the idea of love?
Or the idea of the ideal person?
What is the scale we use to
measure whether someone is
good for us or not?
What characteristics are wanted
and not necessarily needed.

We tend to ignore the actual needs,
and more heavily favor what is wanted.

When we tend to stray from what is
good for us,
we look at everything else
that shouldn't matter.

Because when it's the lust of
the flesh,
the good and more appealing
the less likely we see the issues
that are underneath.

Wanted what looks good,
but not knowing how dangerous
and how corrupted that person is.

Mistakes are easily forgiven
when those people are more appealing to
the eyes.

The flags are ignored,
the warnings erased,
or justified in our stupidity,
just for the sake of outer beauty.

I guess it's easier to put up with those fights and
arguments when it looks good.
But in the long run,
it can be overwhelming.

It's not worth the aggravation
in the end.
We are only lying to ourselves.

Yet we are told what society deems worthy,
what seems to be good,
when it's only an outside appearance.

When certain attributes are weighed more
heavily than what really matters.

What Hollywood and every degradation
of both men and women tell us
what we should be looking for
what really counts.

But that is just a lie.

When we stop caring
about the inside,
the actual person,

who they are,
only concerning ourselves
on what looks good
and is what is attractive,

that's when love
has nothing to do with
want we need.

We use fantasies to fill our head,
but our thoughts do not play out
what happens in reality.

The issues that come with those
fantasies.
That image of that person is still
only an outside image,

not knowing who he or she is,
falling in love with an idea,
not that person.

Get off the cloud while you can
come back to a sense of reality.
Stop fantasizing about an idea that
will never be your ever after.

Your ideas of love
is just a fantasy.
Wake up and come back
to reality.
Jenner Mekito Dec 2013
I used to love weddings,
not for party and spectacle,
but for the reason why
a wedding takes place.

The vows,
the purpose,
the words coming
from within.

Those statements
of promise,
of trust,
of love.

The seemed to be so
powerful,
yet easily
forgotten.

Weddings have
lost their meaning,
being lackluster
becoming numbing..

The more weddings
I've gone too,
the less hope I have
for myself.

For marriage
would mean
someone would have
to see me as me.

To love me for who I am
with every flaw
and fault I have.
and find me appealing.

To look beyond
the outside appearance,
which seems to be
the most difficult part.

But even if I did
gain the appearance
wouldn't it disappear
with time?

If I lost weight,
and had a physique,
would she leave me
when I gained it back?

If I became rich
and could offer anything
would she walk out
when I lost it all?

If at the end
of it all,
it was just me,
would she stay?

What is the purpose
of love if what they love
is not who you are?
It is what you are.

What is the point
of wedding vows,
when they aren't
taken seriously.

When an argument
or disagreement can
dismantle a marriage
before it begins.

When marriage gets
rough and suddenly
both sides call it quits
without fighting for it.

Compromise,
sacrifice,
unconditional,
mean nothing.

How can I hope for this,
for myself,
when I can't find
unconditional love.

A love that is needed,
a love I long for,
because there is no way
I can marry without it.
Jenner Mekito Dec 2013
I used to love weddings,
not for party and spectacle,
but for the reason why
a wedding takes place.

The vows,
the purpose,
the words coming
from within.

Those statements
of promise,
of trust,
of love.

The seemed to be so
powerful,
yet easily
forgotten.

Weddings have
lost their meaning,
being lackluster
becoming numb.

The more weddings
I've gone too,
the less hope I have
for myself.

For marriage
would mean
someone would have
to see me as me.

To love me for who I am
with every flaw
and fault I have.
I find me appealing.

To look beyond
the outside appearance,
which seems to be
the most difficult part.

But even if I did
gain the appearance
wouldn't it disappear
with time?

If I lost weight,
and had a physique,
would she leave me
when I gained it back?

If I became rich
and could offer anything
would she walk out
when I lost it all?

What is the purpose
of love if what they love
is not who you are?
It is what you are.

What is the point
of wedding vows,
when they aren't
taken seriously.

When an argument
or disagreement can
dismantle it
before it begins.

Where marriage gets
rough and suddenly
both sides call it quits
without fighting for it.

Compromise,
sacrifice,
unconditional,
mean nothing.

How can I hope for this,
for myself,
when I can't find
unconditional love.

A love that is needed,
a love I long for,
because there is no way
I can marry without it.

— The End —