I just bear through and endure because after the dark storm that tempts me with false promises of sweet release, I realize that after the dark storm, the clouds part to reveal the sun or moon and shine light and hint on a beauty that says that it gets better.

My life is just an extended poem. I'm a philosopher, artist, poet and a being with secrets hidden. When I decide to open up, the richest words come out, the deepest lines are said.

It's how I feel all the time. As if I stand alone even when I have friends who care and will defend me, I feel as if I can't trust them. That even though they'll expose their soul, heart and darkest secrets, I can't because they simply won't understand, care, or see how I feel. I'm in a prison and my cell is my mind. My warden is the solitude that seals the pain hidden behind the silver scars I have. Each tear shed is just a sign of weakness I must hide from all because if I show that I'm human, feel, care, love, hurt, and cry, everyone will be disappointed and look down at me. That I can't shred their image of me. That I am strong enough to be their Savior, when in fact, I'm slowly crumbling in the dark. And the only proof of it would be hidden within my art, poetry, and silver mistakes.

I have a shriveled and bitter soul of an aged being, but the heart of child

Life isn't always fair but we must make the most of what we can, enjoy what we have, love those who we have and not mourn the dead, the living are the ones with trials up ahead whereas the dead are finally at peace and won't hurt ever again.

The silent ones are targeted
Not because they are weak
But because they're the strongest ones
The ones who see all
Know all
Keep ***** secrets guarded
And suffer in the light of the moon

The silent ones are the ones to be wary off
Their eyes see into your soul
Their pain builds and builds
And when their soul is finally broken
They will destroy all

The silent ones are the ones forgotten
Not because they are unimportant
But because they're the ones with powerful words that are never spoken
They hold the most wisdom
Analyze the most
Think the most

How well you fool others
Depends on how well you fool yourself;
If you manage to forget you're lying and see it as the truth
Others will too
If you forget what is reality,
Your lie will be your life
This is how to lie to others
It's by lying to yourself

Open wounds that open the gates of hell
That is our story
Our forbidden chapters lie withing our bruises
Withing these silver lines

You see the smiling faces
But do you see that there's no light in our eyes?
Do you see the boiling darkness in them instead?
Or do you choose to ignore it

We lie to the world
And society brands us
Labeling us as the outcasts
Truth be told, we're more human
Because we know true pain

Words that paint a lovely scenery
It's our art
We seek to be in control
All we can control is how much blood to spill
All we know is the gleaming double edge sword

You preach at us
To Hell we'll burn
But we're already there
We write our stories in crimson words
The Blood Diaries, who will find them?
When?

You call us weak
Call us attention ******
But you think of frauds when you speak
The ones truly suffering are the ones smiling
The ones who try to heal others
The ones who smile brightest
The ones who laugh  hardest

Don't judge us
First read our Blood Diaries
See our pain
Know the secrets we hold
The burden we carry
Walk in our shoes
And then you'll see just how strong we are

What lies beneath the mask?
Secrets untold
What truth is buried deep in the ?shadows?
The pain that's hidden from all
Which heart cries all alone?
The one that dies slowly inside
Why do we hide?
To protect our damaged souls

The storm may be fierce and the darkness might be terrifying, but eventually the clouds will part to show sunshine and a beautiful rainbow of hope.

I'm your knight
I will ride through hell and fire to protect you
I will charge into battle for you

I am your shield
I will take all these blows
Take all this pain
Just so you won't hurt

I am your prisoner
I will do the impossible to see you smile
Do anything to make what you want happen
Embrace these shackles and always be here for you

I am your guardian angel
I hide in the shadows
Protecting you in silence
Suffering from love I can't have

I am your best friend
Always here to hug you through the dark storms
With a joke to bring the smiles back
I'll hold you up high on a pedestal
The sacrifices I make you'll never know

I do this all because
I am the one who's in love with you

She was once a ruthless Amazon
She fought for pride and honor
War was the norm
The battle was always raging

Then a liar came along
Disguised as a lost prince with a dark past
He won her over
Made her believe she was a Queen

The once Amazon warrior fell for the fake prince
He dazzled her with kisses and touching words
And the heart she thought to be dead
Beated with a burning passion
Her love burned for the "prince"

With a wicked smile he told her the truth
Told her he never loved her
Told her all he said was lies
He ripped her heart out
Laughed when she began to weep

The poor Amazon Queen fell to the ground
She clutched her old battle ax
Saw the warrior she once was
With an agonizing cry she slammed her ax onto the ground
Through the broken ground ****** tears spewed out
She drowned in her crimson tears
As the fake prince woed another innocent heart

Politeness has no place in creativity. It's a barrier that limits your horizon. When you write, write for you, and only you. Don't think of others, just let your emotions overtake you and take control. Let them become art.

On the lake of failure I lay
Looking down at the depths of resentment that's beneath
This lake is called the lake of Selfishness
The name that you gave it
It's polluted with insults and cursed blood
Toxins all around
What once was a beautiful scene
Is now a horrifying tomb

Afloat of this lake of darkness
I hear the norm
"Everything with you is failure"
"You care about no one, you're selfish"
"You're a horrible person"
"You will die alone"

So I look down at the chain that I hold
And I let go
Down you go
To the bottom of the trap you've set
What you've created, begins to choke you

This dying lake is your mark
The death that swims underneath is all yours
Now feel the norm
See the pollution
You begin to drown
You ask for my help
But I'm selfish, a failure, will die alone, and I'm a horrible person
So I let you sink
Down down you go
To the grave you've dug so long ago
Sleep at last
In your lake of hate

My life is sometimes difficult and at times hell. There are people in my life that want me to give up. That make my life miserable. But my pride is bigger than my desire to give up. I refuse to give up. To be weak and let the world win. I will continue to fight, continue to struggle. So that one day I can smile with ease; have a smile that's real. Lose the pain inside, and shine as bright as my passion.

I'm not a broken puzzle
Not a miserable mystery
I'm a rattlesnake
Hear my rattle, know your place
Get too close, and you'll feel the burn of my venom

I'm no shattered soul
Not a weeping a heart
I'm the Indian Red Scorpion
I have a strong armor and deadly pincers
But try to see passed my armor
And you'll feel my sting from hell

I'm not a bleeding scar
Not a dying flame
I am Javier Garza
See these cold eyes of mine
There's nothing in there for you to find
Try to penetrate my mind and heart
And you'll feel my destructive wrath
Feel the last horror before you lose your light

Life is cruel my friend, and love is a Labyrinth. Just kick back and relax, love wasn't meant to be found, but it's meant to find you.

I've fallen into the bottom of my heart
It's so cold and lonely here
Yet the salty tears fall, drowning me in sorrow

The shards of agony fall from above
They rain and lacerate my fragile body
So I curl, trying to evade the sharp pains

Waves crash within this broken cell
And I float,
I give in
Give up

I let this sadness carry me
The salty ocean conquers me
Devouring and leaving nothing behind

Down into the depths of my heart
Where the peaceful sadness lies
That is where I am
In my crying heart

Don't need excuses so stop
I'm used to disappointment
Frowning is the norm

Stop trying to justify yourself
It won't change the fact of the matter
My fire was meant to dim

Quit playing games
I know I've already lost
My eyes were never meant to shine

I hold this tiny flame closer to my heart
This gleam of hope that has survived
Through the dark clouds of depression
And the vast oceans of tears
This flame has kept me going
My strength, though small, shines
The gleam in my eye, a sign that I'm not giving up
And all thanks to this flame that will thrive and set my heart aflame
To shine bright even through the darkest of nightmares

Hate filled flakes fall from the grey heavens
The winds howl in rage
Insignificant flakes fall together
They blanket the world
Creating a world of snow
This cold, cold world of snow
The land of white and freezing hate
First comes the awe and beauty
Amazing magic that's lovely
Then comes the storm
The bitter storm
The rage slaps you in the face
The flakes freezes your pulse
Stuck in the winter hell
The blizzard hides the dark deed with snow
At last, the storm's passed and gentle flakes fall
Hiding all traces of warmth
Hiding it under a beautiful mysterious blanket that will never thaw

Taste the crimson wine
Savor the agony that swirls within the glass
These ****** tears that fall
Hold the story of failure
Enjoy the bitter taste of pain that burns
These tears, oh how they turn into wine

A walking paradox
That is who I am
With a fiery passion that blazes within me
That shines through the darkness
A fire that burns me inside

But alas, that fire meets it's counterpart
The cold, dark ice that freezes from inside my soul
The icy storm that roars in my eyes
So cold and dead
This ice freezes my blood

My life is but a paradox
With two at war
The flaming passion that drives me forward
And the cold ice that freezes me in the past

When passion and hate clash within a soul
What is to be expected?
A burning inferno of passion?
That sets the world ablaze
Or a cold storm that wrecks havoc and chaos?
That freezes all in its path?

My life is but a paradox
I try to move forward
But I'm too lost in the past to make any progress

As fire and ice clash,
These cold eyes see all
This burning heart feels all
Which is stronger?
The burning will to live?
Or the cold, analytical desire for destruction?
This is my living Paradox

I've lost that innocent spark
Lost that light I once had
I've grown cold to the touch
Grown dead inside

Faces forever imprinted on my heart
Friends forever holding a spot in my life
They witnessed tears and smiles
Gave birth to friendship and love
Their words forever touching my soul
Their names never forgotten
Their love never lost
Always will love them
The bestest of my friends

I'm an aged bitter heart
Inside the youthful prison that's my life
Living a life that's not truly there
Wishing for cure to end my poisonous pain

Needle pierced hide
A necessary pain to stand whole
As the Thread passes through my skin,
holding together the bruised, ******, falling pieces
A single drop of blood drops to stain the ground

These dark tendrils claw at my feet
They demand retribution
They split the skin so that the Red Sea may flow
But the stitches close the abyss, saving the crimson elixir of life

A clear tear drop stains my mask, cracking it
As each glass shard of lies falls, the face beneath is revealed
A barren wasteland eroded from the waterworks
And dull dull black orbs lay there staring straight ahead
With a sliver of light in the sea of black

The silver scars glow with anger,
demanding to be let free and opened for the Red Sea
But the stitches keep them closed and keep me alive

Battle scars and Thread dominate my body
The silver lines, the signs of a great battle
The zig zags of the  thread, a sign of the will to live

I'm broken, bleeding, and marred
Held together with a thin silver Thread
A silver Thread of hope

I may be hideous and deformed from the damage done
But my silver stitching keeps me together and going
For the day when I'll be strong enough to not rely on my silver Thread
When I too, will be beautiful
Like my silver Threads of hope
The silver Threads of hope that have kept me alive

My eyes are witness to many things,
Good and bad, I've seen it all
The darkness and evil of humanity,
I've witnessed it
But also the raw love and sweet touch of loved ones

I've experienced many things
I've felt the cold balde, the burning split it brings
The sweet release that soon follows
As well as the comfort of a good friend
The hug of someone who cares,
The warmth of someone who loves

I've hid many things
I'm a vault locked with the secrets people have entrusted me with
But their pain and dark deeds are not all I hold inside
I also hide my own agony and darkness from the public's view
I fear eyes like mine that'll see my crippled self
So I lock away all my Flaws

I've worn this mask for far too long
Who I am, too hard too much to describe
I'm a walking paradox
Strong, protective, caring, perfect from the outside
Inside I crack and fall into the abyss of the past that won't let me go

Behind the mask I've held back my true self
So now the mask falls
And I reveal the vulnerability of who I truly am;

I cry at night, hidden from all
I wipe the tears and mask the trail with smiles and a fake confidence
The darkness cripples me
It scares me,
The darkness shows me side of who I am that I fear
But I revel in it in front of others to not be attacked
I show others that I'm a warrior
When in fact there's an agony so raw that it burns me to the core
I'm in so much pain that it blinds me
Paralyzed with the realization that I'm drowning
And each day the battle just gets worse
But no one knows,
Because the mask was on to hide all the ugly
But now, my mask falls
It plummets down to hell
And reveals someone new to your eyes
Someone locked away for far too long
What is it now, that you think of me?

Fatal Flaws
We all have them
One, two, three, we all have something that makes us imperfect

Fatal Flaws,
It's what makes us humans
It's the cause of our joy, pain,
It's the reason of our  cries in vain

Fatal Flaws
Everyone has at least one
Vanity, Greed, Soft-Heart, Weak Willed, Too Loyal
It's all within us,
These Fatal Flaws

Fatal Flaws
They're what makes us different
What gives everyone a different pain
They're why we all have a different burden

I think too much,
I love too much,
I bleed and cry behind locked doors
Never revealing the pain that blinds me
This darkness that cripples me, I never share the burden of it
I fight it all alone
Trying to be good even when I'm dying inside all alone
I do it all by myself
And force smiles to please everyone
I try to help others with their battles while I lose my own
To do it all
That's my Fatal Flaw

What is Yours?

These silver lines that marr my skin aren't a sign of weakness
They are the marks left from my battles
They show my struggle
These scars that cover my body show that I never gave up
My scars are just reminders of my struggle to live
And to never lose hope

Thoughts from the past written on these faded pages
The pain sealed behind each written word
Etched onto the old pages like the faded lines on damaged skin
Haunted memories that call out
The demons from nightmares
All locked and imprisoned in this old notebook
A notebook that burns with the pain within it
These cursed pages
This cursed notebook
This cursed past
All mine
All that I've endured
All that I've defeated

Love is for fools
It consumes you
Eats you
Wrecks you
Love fills you up

Love is dangerous
Love can hurt you
It can destroy your mind
Burn all rational thoughts
Love can break you down

Love is for fools
It's a gamble that not all win
You can find your other half
Or lose yourself in the sea of broken glass
Love is for fools
But only fools don't feel love

Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power. Knowledge is a curse, ignorance is a disability.

To be honest, I don't know what I'm doing anymore
I had hoped to be strong
To stand tall and never cower again
Instead I broke apart and fell
I cried myself into oblivion
I lost my mask

Thinking back, perhaps I was lying
And I fooled myself
Maybe I was meant to be weak
To succumb to the wrath of others,
And lose all that I tried to gain

Sincerely, it hurts to keep on fighting
I tried to be someone better
To be a being who doesn't contain pitch black bruises on their heart
But my glass broke, and I fell down in my crimson coffin

Maybe this is my purpose,
To be a weakling
To bleed so that others may feel better
Never be selfish, but wonder why no one loved me
But I just can't accept this
I can't
I just can't accept this life
I won't bow down
I won't be used

Honestly, I don't know if I can make it
This struggle drains me
But my pride won't have it
I'll keep on fighting till my last breath
This may not be the purpose of my life
But I refuse to live undead

I won't lie anymore
I'm terrified and hurt
I cry and bleed
But just because I have my weak moments doesn't mean I'm not strong
Perhaps my life was meant to be miserable,
But I won't allow it
I'm in command of my life
I will change this cursed story
I will fight to live

I roamed and lived on with hope that I would be saved
Then pitch black ink stained my heart
And the light that kept me smiling was lost for good

I grew faster than my body
My soul has wrinkles and chains that tie it down
I escaped one prison just to be incarcerated in another
My dim dull eyes became darker

I used to cry myself to sleep once I could no longer smile
And drowned in my own blood just so that I could sleep without pain
Time passed and the oceans all dried
With sliver mistakes staining my body
I continue on this journey

My demons ruled my life
Fear was a constant treat
With a bruised and ****** cry I'd burned in the rage that soon followed
I crumbled into ashes of grief
From the ashes I was resurrected with a second chance at life

I was weak, I was glass
I could take a few hard hits before I cracked and shattered into insignificant shards
With my second life though, I was reborn with a body of ice
I became cold and strong
With this strength I conquered my demons and paved a new road

I was scared and broken, small and fragile
Now I'm dark and powerful
With a soul that's lived a thousand years
I marched prepared for battle

I used to dream of my savior
My knight that would save me from the dark
The one who would end all the hurt
But I had no savior, no one came
I became my own salvation
I'm all that I have, all that I can trust

Once, I had a heart
But then my mind was opened and my heart broken
The angelic boy of the past is now the warrior of today

I used to be weak and trust in my non-existing savior
Now I'm strong and a lone warrior
I once loved and hoped
Now I'm dead inside and my only salivation

Lost myself, fell from once mighty throne
Became a fragile glass boy
Yet I never gave up
Kept on fighting
Even if in the end I made mistakes

Always hidden, mysteries that held power
Lost it all as my castle crumbled
I became human
Yet I still fought this war
Belligerent as ever, I strove to win
Although I only ended losing almost all that I love

Always smirking, confidence on display
All faded away
As the truth arose
It was all fake, lies I made to stay strong,
Still cried when I accepted the truth
Still stood as tall as possible,
Awaiting the next challenge,
Even though I failed

Once feared and hated,
Others began to sympathize when they learn of my silver scars,
The weakness was on displayed
And I began to seek help
Let those in who loved me
Put each broken glass back together
Still cracked, but strong enough to stay together

This empty page has potential like me,
To write the lines that tell a horrible tale
Or to depict the dark scene of the graphite terror

This empty page has no emotion
Which will I give it?
Which will show?

I'm no artist nor poet,
But a simple being who brings life onto this lonely page

This empty page is transparent as can be
The secrets I'll hide within the words and ink
The words I'll never speak, but cloak beneath the veil of lines and charcoal

This empty page is a fresh start,
Not yet stained with the mistakes of life,
No smudges nor failed words scar the white

I'm no wiseman, just a simple boy
Yet the dark on the page shock those around;
Makes them question what could've brought the black

This empty page is nothing but a story
With each one completed, another chapter is written
It's a story of the past frozen in the present

This empty page will be my legacy,
The greatness that it can be, awaits its creator to pour his soul
To fill the void with his damaged heart
And to show the scars he tries to hide

Call me queer, call me *******
But is my ****** life really that important to you?
I don't call you ****-cuffin, ***** eater, nor hetero freak
So why must I be insulted for my *** life while you remain unscathed?

Call me ****** all you want,
But let's be honest, my life isn't easy
But I'm still here
My heart still beats
I'm still strong

Call me fairy to your little heart's content
But answer me this, could your heart bare the abuse of every kind  for almost a decade?
Could your "holy" self withstand standing alone in the dark without so much as a friend?
I'm a "sinner" and I've withstood all those horrors and still came out strong

Call me a disgrace, an abomination, a freak
But answer this you pretentious *******,
Who's the one cursing people, condemning, hating, discriminating them for being nothing more than who they are?
That's right, you, not me
So think again, who's your god going to punish?
People who have done nothing wrong but be themselves?
Or the ignorant fools who think they are God and condemn others?

Call me ******, call me queer
I know who I am, and it's someone strong

Call me *******, call me fairy
I'm the one who will survive
Call me all you want,
It won't change who I am

What she asks for is something that she denied herself
With her slurred words, she sealed the doors
With every insult she got ****** into the darkness

My mind is a labyrinth, one that she desperately tries to decipher
With every bruise she makes a wrong turn
With every drop of crimson wine she falls into the black

Who she wants to know is someone who she pushed away
She doesn't know him, doesn't know that her flames become extinguished in his ocean of resentment

My heart is locked away and sealed, the key, something that must be earned
A key she frantically searches for
She tries to knockdown the walls, to make the door crumble
But her fists just make them all the stronger

When will she understand who she searches for is dead?
The undead left behind is unknown to her and she'll never know him because she can't **** him like she did with her son,
He's just a shell, a piece of battle armor brought to life

My life is not hers to command,
The boy who she seeks to dictate died,
I'm all that's left
And I will be in control of my life
Finally, ending her tyranny