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Helen Jul 2014
I wrote a poem for you, it cried
I painted a picture but it lied
I made a movie of still images
complete with the music I bled
Still, it left so many things unsaid
It wasn't enough for you
It wasn't enough for me
The path unspoken, forever broken
is so easy, in blindness, to see
Another day, someone's heartbeat
washes up silently upon the shore
beached upon an unforgiving earth
they think of Life no more
Each battle scar carved upon flesh
in a moment of Self Flagellation
is an answer to a deeper question
beyond our own imagination
I see you curled upon the floor
I bleed for you, I've been there before
You feel like its not worth it
This Life you have been given
But before you cut it down
Why don't you try living?
Death comes for everyone eventually but Death by thy own hand, before Life gets to share its own Wonder is truly not Death, it's a new start to a whole new Nightmare
Helen Jul 2014
This will not be a flowery prose
Wrapped in an imaginary love heart
This will be my new beginning
Writing this will be a start

This is not a love story
That people love to hate
There is just the start and then the end
In between does not even rate

This is not where I will beg
With flowery words of love forgotten
This is where I’ll say to you
To me, all we had now smells rotten

This will never be a love sonnet
Whispered through the sands of time
But to me, as I remember all to be
It will remind me of you, you slime!

This is not a love poem
No longer even a love song
The bitterness of my tears
Have dragged on far too long

This is not the happy ending
I dreamed of to be true, so
This is where you kiss my ***
While assuming I’ll pine for you
19/08/2010 - going through some of my older writes. I call this my 'angry phase' :)
  Jul 2014 Helen
JM
Supine, wrapped in scarlet,
only eye open, third.

I create her skin, flawless and golden;
her hair becomes the color of midnight
on the ocean,
blood at night.

Suspended, bound in purple,
capitulation, freedom.

These lonely visions, they are cobblestones in my twisted path of memories both past and future, overgrown with weeds of time and worn around the edges; an uneven course winding in and around and back again, with branches, heavy and black,
so black,
on all sides.

Where are you, dearest?

I smell acrylics and oils and linseed
and the windows are open; traffic hums on the hill and your brow is furrowed as your brush caresses the canvas, each stroke, love manifest.

Later, you will sing for me

Fluid, mercurial, she sings and paints
and broods
and pouts
and wipes her cheek with her thumb, smearing alizarin crimson on her pixie face.


Time stops at her beauty

The moment falls into my guts, burrowing into
my insides forever;
the plants by the window,
the deep red smear on my angel,
the sound of camelhair hitting canvas, forever mine now
to cherish and carry
with me as I trudge this
desolate and dreary landscape.

*When I come home,
you will sing for me
Helen Jul 2014
(just cross out the non applicable)

Helen was
a great chick/a stupid *****/my best friend

Her last words were
**** this ****/is that Saturn?/is this the end?

She always made me
toast for dinner/creeped out/laugh until I peed

She reminded me of
rain showers in sunshine/Chuckys bride/a most persistent ****

She always thought of
others first/her own miserable hide/ Wine

She devoted herself to
Family/Debauchery/Wine

She will know I'm here today because I
had the day off/wanted to make sure she's dead/want to go with her

She will probably be ******* if I
cry/stabbed her again/kissed her

She will know who
laughed at the sad bits/ drank the holy water/climbed into her casket

She will be thrilled if
tissues are unused/no one gropes her Husband/she fits in a Handbasket
at the printers... as we speak :)
Helen Jun 2014
Where are all the carnival rides
The Ferris wheel with bright lights
The fairy floss and cherry cokes
and the warm sultry nights
The call of the racketeer
encouraging all to take a chance
Where's the monkey you carried
just so we could hold hands

Where are all the park benches
that used to ring the pond
Where are the acres of green grass
where we sat as you sang me our song

and where have all the ducks gone?

Where has gone the soda shop,
the big band dance halls
and the local Ihop?

There stands the apartment block
where our little house once stood
Where have all the children gone
that we once watched from the stoop

Where are the endless games
of hide and seek and peek a boo
Where's the night gone, the fires out
Where is the heartbeat of our intimacy we shared in our bedroom?

Its all there in the asbestos ceiling
and in the plaster that is cracked
it crinkles beneath fingers
of cold cotton bed sheets
sterile of comfort and it lacks
the vibrancy of emotions
from another lifetime
Laying still, awaiting the ground
It drifts like fog in an ageing mind
Helen Jun 2014
When we are born
there's no Wrong
or Right
there's no Black or White
there's no indecision
We sleep when we're tired
we eat when hungry
We cry if something's not right
we laugh at anything funny
We see with perfect vision...
At Kindergarten we make our first
Best Friend
The one person that held our hand
when milk time was a disaster
and we napped together
and home time came faster
because Friend times Fun
equals Time goes By
and One plus One
equals Forever Mine
In Little School we first meet
Prejudice
It's the pretty girl
wearing the pretty dress
while your hand me downs
scream your secret shame
It's her you blame
when your lifetime friend
who wore the same milk mustache
as you at Five
takes her side
the waves of I don't get it
washes over you on a tide
of unreasonable insanity
but your Vanity is total
to One minus One
equals Alone on a Beach
totals I Am No One
By High School you're confused
by the elevated status
of the praying mantis
the chickadee that seems to be
an all boy zone that is open 24/7
and the gentleman
that snakes out his hand
to land on your rear end
euphemistically called
the Octopus  
by then...
You've never really got it...
It made no sense
as the informative years
just saw you sitting
upon a bench
crying tears
that you eventually sniffed
upon you Third winter sweater
gazing upon a frozen pond
in the middle of an empty park
you saw the cracks the ice skaters
didn't
but it didn't make you feel better
So you call out... Crack in the Ice!
They look blankly at you twice
and continue to skate
with their own voice in their head
With a shrug your mantra sighs
I did what I could, I can't beat
someone else's vice...

Here come the working years
here comes the awkward fears
Of What if I'm not good enough
Where do I go when I've had enough
Where are my friends that I never made
What if I can't make new friends
Who can I talk to at the end of the day?

So heartbreaking...
to know that your best friend
that wore the same milk mustache
got married 2 years ago
and you weren't invited to the wedding
Even though you lived 2 doors down
for nearly 15 years, shared boy stories
and plenty of chocolate talking
and now she's having her second baby
while her husband is Manager
of the local Tyre King
and stupidly I thought
She got everything!
Except that I couldn't go to her wedding
because I was in South America
and I remember my Mother called
and said You remember Yvette?
She's getting married to Steve
he's going places, they'll have a family
next July, the joy on their faces!
So dear, how's things in Africa?

and I laughed with sorrowful Joy
at my mothers voice and said
Well Mom, the sky is Red
bleeding with sorrow
for all the animals slaughtered
but here's one truth about your daughter
She's actually in Brazil
about to board a boat
to travel further south
to places remote
to take vital medicines
and vaccines to those with no hope
She's taking her fully qualified Doctor
self, alone

Unmarried is not unfulfilled
Solitary is not a life sentence
our lives could be filled with
a million people, but in silence
eventually we'll get it
Helen Jun 2014
there so many, too few
I would spill the truth to
but so many more
would smell the lies

but I tried

I tried to be truthful
To you, to Me
to me, especially

but Truth is under rated
given the score

One ~ Nil

to you

only...
I wanted less

you won
with more
It's all in the numbers, it's a numbers game, you win with greater numbers, but the loss is your shame
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