It is good to be in this place
in this time
the plants awakening to the light
the soft music
easing into my soul
the candle flickering
the air and me
cool and still
in this now.

I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.

so the dog the dog
bleeds in to my i am i am
a solid random

Oh what’s it like
To have your heart?
(I guess, my dear, I’ll really never know)
Diane for years
You “played the part”
Until you walked right out that door
And
I
Cannot quite convince myself
To talk to you just yet,
My wounded heart can’t take another blow


You were so cruel
Cut me right in half
And you had not a thing to say
You and your tool
Can have a little laugh
The way you laughed at me that day
And
I’m
Far too trusting
I will never trust someone again
You made sure I cannot know the way

You’re still in my heart
You tore it apart

Time to engage
The turn’s compete
Let’s separate this flesh we have sewn
All of my rage
Will dissipate
And the tears will dry up on their own
And
Di,
I can wish
You had not ever married me at all
Imagination
won’t prevent this fall


I fell in love
With someone once
Don’t think I can recall her name
Which only proves
That I’m the dunce
And I know that you feel the same
Cause
I
See the way
Your mind will keep you thinking you’ll smell sweet
You’re not to blame,
…we all fall at your feet

All hail to the queen
(So very obscene)
All hail to the queen
All hail to the queen

I grow more tired than you,
who's always running
And loves life's sudden dips

And you'll grow tired too
Of waiting
For me to jump this rift

Welcome it, everyone, with open hearts,
from feathery wings of angels;
Its clarity washes away each tear,
and blankets us from all angles.

The evergreens swathed in oyster white,
exquisitely aligned with holly berries;
Which light up the yard in rosy glow,
and comfort us from our worries.

No longer alone the cardinals fly,
and meet their mates high above;
Cheerfully sitting upon the branches,
nestling together with wintry love.

Gracefully floating through the air,
like delicate lace from times long ago;
While we watch this glorious solstice scene,
enchanted by the sight of first snow !