if someone slaps you
turn the other cheek
they say
but there are mountains
inside me
that will move
without shaking
everything in its path
i am but a quiet thunder
soft enough to demand space
but strong enough to
let it pass

i'll keep buying books
instead of reading the one
on my bedside
because maybe
if i keep reading
i'll find the answers
to why
you left

as i scroll through sentimental facebook posts, i couldn't help but write this note. for the father days i didn't call, to your birthday's sung without me. you might've not shown me how to change a tire, but you taught me how to ride a bicycle. i wish you could've been there when i got into my first car accident; the brakes didn't really work the same way as that pink bike. milestones missed by 1,000 miles but each one had you in mind. i waited every time knowing nothing had changed. my 7 year old self is tired of leaving you to blame. thank you for helping me find the love of my Heavenly Father; in him i know i am a beloved daughter.

happy father's day,
i forgive you.

i wore black today
not because i was in the mood
or because it was laundry day
but because
it was the day that i lost you
and somehow that comforts me
that when you blink
for the last time
i'd already know
what loss feels like
so maybe it won't
hurt as much
because distance is an excuse
but grief is all the same