Lesedii

Lesedii Dec 2018

Untitled

I'm not my poems.
I'm not sad and miserable.
I mean, I was but not anymore..

I'm not better or happy,
I've found new things to be sad about.

Nov 2018

Alexander

Five second poems

I ripped my heart out
then put it on your silver platter
and all you can say is
“ I’ll text you later .”

I guess this is how heartbreak goes for some people.

#sadness #love

Lesedii Nov 2018

Sad sad little girl

I always feel like death would be better.
It has to better.
Whenever I can't handle my emotions, it looks better than everything.
Better than having ice cream on hot day.
Better than getting an A on that test I studied hard for.
Yeah, it has to better.
People always say, "Life will get better"
But it actually never does so death must be better.
It's twisted but think about it...

Lesedii Oct 2017

Untitled

I write.
Pride erases.
I want.
Pride denies.
I feel.
Pride ignores.

Lesedii Sep 2017

The one I cannot have

Why do I always fall for the ones I cant get?
I don't fall often.
Honestly I haven't fell in a while.
I don't like falling.
It ***** and the fall is never worth it.
I've been fighting with myself for the past weeks,
trying to figure out what's wrong with me,
trying so hard to hold on and not fall but it happened.
Again there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I mean, I acted on it in the past and it didn't work out,
So maybe Ignoring it will be a good thing.
I don't know.
I just don't know how to deal with all of these emotions.
All I know is how to bury them and hide them in the darkest deepest cellar of my heart.
I have a lot of things I wanna talk about.
The problem is, I always wanna talk to the ones I cant get.

Lesedii Feb 2017

What was I thinking?

I thought it wasn’t fair.
Wasn’t fair to hate on every guy that I meet because it didn’t work out the first time,
Wasn’t fair that I closed my heart to people who really care about me
So I thought I should give it one last try
So I opened up
I haven’t opened up in a long time and it was weird
I told him about my fears and showed him my scars
He said things I wanted to hear and I loved every second of it
For the first time in a long time I was genuinely happy
For a few hours I was a different person
A happy person
I wasn’t in pain and I was hurting
I know it may seem as if I’m exaggerating but the feeling was amazing
It was a feeling that I wanted to feel often
He has issues himself but I thought at that moment nothing mattered
Now he is nowhere to be found
He gave me a taste of heaven and he left
Just like that
I don’t know where he is
He’s silent and the feeling of love is leaving me
I’m starting to think that there was no love
No connection
I called and texted and nothing
Now I don’t feel how I wanna feel
I don’t wanna admit that I’m hurt
I don’t wanna admit that love has once again failed me
Now I’m starting to think that maybe I’m the problem
Maybe love isn’t for me
The sad part is that I’m deep in it
The sad part of it all is that he told me to fall
He said he will catch me
I believed him and I fell
Now I hit my head on the ground
Now I’m dead again
Now tears are rushing down my face
I’m hurt again
I don’t understand though
WHERE IS HE?
Maybe I’m just too quick to judge the situation
Maybe he is just as scared as me'
Maybe he doesn’t have data
Maybe he’s busy
Maybe he went home
Maybe there’s something wrong
Maybe he’s just waiting for the perfect moment
I don’t know
I don’t wanna text him because he 'blue ticked' my last message
But that’s not how love works
I just gonna get rid of my pride and ask
So I’m gonna ask
I can’t believe I’m going through this AGAIN
This time I’m crying
This time I don’t know why I can’t just say '**** IT'
This time my heart is heavy
Listening to Ed Sheeran doesn’t help either
Maybe that’s why I’m really letting it out
I’m scared because I think this time I can’t pretend to be happy when I’m really not

Lesedii Feb 2017

Untitled

When first times turn into last times. Its a sad story that nobody should know