I always miss you the most in the spring time
I remember your flower shirts and linen pants
The way you would insist on brushing my hair 100 times a night on the front porch
How you always pretended you didn’t like your birthday
As your eyes glowed behind the candle light
You always seemed the lightest
The closest to your faith
The most comfortable
When the birds began singing
And the wind blew through the cherry blossoms

As I struggle for oxygen
And swallow the lump in my throat
I remember the way you saved me

As I skip breakfast
And walk for more and more miles each day
I remember how you praised me

I am as broken as I always was
And I remember what a beautiful thing to be

I learned to laugh the loudest
To drown out my cries
Sometimes the voice in my head screaming for help
Is magnanimous
I swear they can hear her in Mars

But no one cares about your suffering little one
They have their own packs to carry.

Cuz mama when it boils down to it we’re all fools
And I’ve become the monster that lets him believe he can fool me more than once

The crank of the pump is audible maybe for the first time
Drops joining a full line endlessly pouring into the vein
Skin so thin I can almost perceive the flow of morphine.. or is it blood?
I can count her bones as I clean
A pressure so light like when I was an infant and my father tickled my toes
No muscle or fat remaining they’ve already rejoined nature
But then the chest balloons, one shallow breath falling into step with mine
Sending a shudder down my spine like I’ve been electrocuted
Both of us hold our breath as i roll her bones
Black pools of blood on her back
Like ink spilling out on the page
vying to get out
And tell her story