I'm so much better than this
I'm much better than the girl who let's her weight define her
I've read all the quotes that tells me what really matters
That tell me it's my personality , my mind, my humor and my soul that matter
But I feel so betrayed
I have all of that
But  I can't see past my circumference
I'm talented,  I'm smart and beautiful but everyday
Like clockwork
I cringe at the glimpse of my reflection
I exert myself on the treadmill hoping it'll make a difference
Count calories to see how many are left for the day
I'm so much better than being the girl whose crane in the sky is something so superficial.

I really need you to get here...
Soon
I'm starting to doubt you exist
Everyday I come to terms with you not coming
With each thought I lay a brick
Making my walls unbreakable and my soul unreachable
So please, hurry up and get here.

We just ended.
You didn't talk to me one night
I wasn't brave enough to text you first
I gradually stopped going online
I'm convinced I'm over you
I think about you a little less

You send me a message!!!!!
I'm extatic!
You tell me I'm beautiful
Tell me you would've loved to be my date
We have  beautiful moments
You stop replying, I start to think maybe he doesn't like me.

Sigh...Repeat.

The real reason I can't get over you is, you're comfortable , you're funny, you're **** and you never told  me could never be.
So I still hope, hope it's not in my head. Hope that you didn't call me beautiful as just a platonic compliment.
Hope that every time you texted me , you spent forever trying to find the perfect blend of cool kid and nice guy.
Hope that something I said will always cross your mind and make you smile.
Hope that every now and then you think of how great we could've been
Hope that I wasn't just another girl
Hope that, maybe I'm the one that got away.
But it's too late now, you've probably moved on.

As you slide your arms gentle across my waist
Pull me close and gaze into my soul
You know exactly what I'm thinking...
My God I love you!
I love you,
I love this moment
So much that if you ever hurt me like they warn you will,
We'll be the titanic,  I'll be the band.

Never stop moving
Keep busy
Keep laughing
Keep looking
Keep dancing
Keep moving
Because if the dust settles, it all settles.
You remember the smile isn't real
You remember the job isn't for you
Your path isn't what you wanted
The guy you're with is purely for convenience not love
You're further from your dreams than you thought possible
That "some day" is never coming
So... keep me company
Keep moving
Keep busy
Keep laughing
Keep looking
Keep dancing.

Boys were never flustered by her presence
Girls never turned emerald because of her
Her template in a magazine was only ever a mirage
Thinking she's beautiful defies logic
That's why she'll never believe you.
And loving herself has become a mountain instead of a molehill

People underestimate belonging
You can fit in everywhere but belong to no one
People only love fragments
Some which no longer exist,  or never did
A love filled room  gives the illusion of belonging, reciprocation
But so does a fountain in a desert.

I envy those who have people, or if they're lucky, one  person that loves the fragments enough to put them together and relish in the results.