You hold my heart in your large hands
You hug it tight
And kiss it lightly
Your touch is so gentle
And I know for sure
It is finally safe with you

as we finally lock hands
your warmth surprises me
your soft words comfort me
and i smile
my insides flutter
and a wonderful feeling overcomes me
as we slowly drive
i know it is time to say goodbye
our hands unlock
i grab again for one last touch
and then you're gone
i am left with nothing but a large smile
and the warmth left on my fingers

His words almost hurt
But I think of your words
And your smile
Your laugh
Your eyes
I brush his harsh words off
And yours patch up all the mess

as i read your words
your voice rings through my head
i read the 27 words
again and again
smiling each time i reach the end
27 words that fill my heart
fill my mind
fill me with you

A sense of hopelessness comes over me
Frowns and smiles from all ends
Changing at my every action
I can't make all smiles
I get frustrated and cling on to one
The one who will never frown upon me
The one who never seems disappointed or mad
I cling to them tightly
And I don't let go

It is not your words that leave me feeling so empty,
It is you absence of words
That makes me feel completely and utterly futile

It still remains a mystery in my head
But I know it's not in yours
Although that doesn't bother me
I'm still afraid that I'll mess it all up

It still remains a mystery in my head
But I know it's not in yours
I create moments in my brain
Making them perfect and sweet

It still remains a mystery in my head
But I know it's not in yours
That's ok though
Because I wouldn't want to mess it up
With anyone else but you

your soft words entrance me
pulling me into your presence
making me wish things of you

your sweet smile captures me
bursting the lock to my heart
capturing it for yourself to keep

your sparkling eyes control me
forcing me to look deeply into them
leading me to your heart

and there i steal your heart
capturing it for myself to keep
i promise you some things though...

i will keep it safe and happy
i won't break or tear it
i will hold and love it
i won't hurt or lose it
i will keep it forever and ever darling

Bent and broken
They stand
Slumped over
There tops almost touching the cold earth
The weight on there shoulders,
They can barely hold
Sad, they look
Tired, they feel
But they can't brush off the wait
So there they try to stand tall
Bent and broken

How can your lovely face
Seem to find it's way into my head
At every moment of the day
No matter what I'm supposed to be thinking about
It always just ends up with you
Not that that I'm complaining though...

Your words touch my heart
Sending shivers down my spine
A smile pulls at the corner of my cheeks
And then I grin wide
And my face heats up and probably turns a light shade of red
I shiver and pull my knees tight to my chest
Wishing you were here

As I read through these poems
I wonder and ask myself
How these beautiful words
Have gone so long with no recognition
Of ever existing together
As one

Your small words like bullets
Into my brain
Making me believe
Making me believe what they say
Making me believe it's all true

My heart lays in a box
With a lock securely guarding it
I being the only one to know the combination
I may never trust anyone with it
But maybe...
Just maybe...
You will show me
I can trust you
Trust you with my heart

Their words like icicles
Freeze me
Making me speechless
My words back are hot
Like fire
Melting the ice
But burning them all to a crisp
I can't even muster sorry as I step back
And look upon the mess
The mess that I've made

I try to listen at the words being said
The rumors and phrases
The quiet whispers
Giggles
And stares
Spread like wild fire across the room
Until my actions and words
Are jokes to everyone
Including myself

My heart is lost at sea
It jumped overboard into the cold, dark ocean
The ocean of broken dreams
And lost hope
It drowns but resurfaces
Dead and lifeless
It is dead
Broken
Well, that's what it feels like anyways
Because my heart is lost at sea

My thoughts flow through my brain
And all of a sudden I'm mad
Your words are careless
And I know they're fake
I clench my fists
And I almost scream
My knuckles turn white
And then without thinking
I type
And type
And type some more
I finally press
enter

Those words pain me
And I hope they aren't true
You can't do that
I promise you there is a better way
Just talk to me
Just cry
Anything but that

A wave of comfort washes over me
I feel safe as I step outside
As I breathe in,
The harsh winter air fills my lungs
I whisper to myself quietly
It's my choice...  I don't have to
Smiling faces appear in my head
I smile too
I can't leave it all behind
Not right now

As I say it
500 pounds lifts off my shoulders into the sky
I gulp for a breath as you say good bye
Finally able to breathe
Oxygen fills my lungs
And I sigh
I am okay
Finally okay

if you were the only being i could speak to,
all days would be funny
all days would be interesting
all days would be full

if you were the only being i could be with,
all days would be exciting
all days would be perfect
all days would be mirthful

if you were the only being i could look upon,
all days would be beautiful
all days would be bright
all days would be happy

if you were the only other being in this world...
life would be simple
life would be fun
life would be full

our life a timer,
and once the time is up,
if you haven't finished what you started,
if you haven't told who you love that you love them,
if you haven't if you haven't laughed enough,
if you haven't done enough
and if you haven't lived enough
you feel empty and incomplete

finish what you start,
if you love somebody tell them,
if it's funny don't hold back your laugh,
if you haven't done it, do it today
and don't think too much
just live...
because one day your timer will go off...

Headache and heartache come hand in hand
My head pounding
My heart skipping beats
My head confused
My heart tearing apart
My head aches
And so does my heart

Words crawl in my head
My brain puzzled
By the meanings of these words
My heart breaks
But I realize it's only my own words breaking it
Words in my head start to spill from my mouth
I try to stop them
Covering my mouth with my shaking hands
They continue to spill
Hurting the people around me
Tears spill from my eyes
I wipe them away but more fall
I am a mess
I can't control my brain
I can't control my heart
I grasp for an explanation
My heart laughs
Telling me I'll never figure him out
My own controlled thoughts slip from my mind
Foreign ones fill my mind
And I don't even know how they got there
They scratch and scrape
My heart close to exploding
My steady breathing is all that is keeping me sane
I wish I could escape
Escape my own screaming head

My only escape
Beautiful words
Beautiful poetry
Put to music
I don't have to respond
Don't have to think
I don't even have to listen

I'm angry so I write
I'm sad so I write
I'm happy so I write
I'm scared so I write
I'm confused so I write
Although nobody knows how I feel
I've let it all go
Through my fingertips

The slightest brush of your arm
Sends goosebumps up my spine
The hairs on my neck stand up
As you speak, I try to forget
Everything from previous time
But it all comes rushing back
Drowning your words
With my thoughts
I try to listen to your voice
But my own screaming in my head
I want to pull out my hair
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I am silent
Until I release my thoughts
Onto this very page

Too many people
Too many words
Too many enemies
Too many fights
Too many tears
And I can't escape
Although no tears flow from my eyes
And no words from my mouth
I am somehow stuck in this world
And I can't escape
I suffocate in others feelings and thoughts
My head is always full
Thinking away
And I can't escape
I can't escape my very own thoughts
My very own head
I'm stuck and I can't escape

Words swimming in my head
As you ask to talk
I feel the tears about to spill
But bite my cheek
It's silent between us
Awkward
Foreign
My brain reaches for words
All you can say is sorry
But I've heard it before
And I you're not
But yet I always believe you are
Which leads me here
Once again
Speechless

I used to hold my tongue
Stop my fists
Prohibit negative thoughts

Speak to comfort
Unravel my fists
Think happy thoughts

I used to hide my screams
Bite my cheek
Think before I spoke

Speak softly
Release my teeth
Think and don't say at all

I can't do it anymore
I scream out loud
Bang my fists
Blurt all of my thoughts
I can't do it anymore

Blue eye
Brown eye
Two eye
Clown eye

Pick and choose
Dump and lose

Cry to me
Cry to him
Cry to Lee
Cry to Jim

I don't care anymore.

I feel like an event
Waiting to be squeezed
Into your calendar

I feel like an afterthought
Waving my arms in front of your face
Vigorously until you remember I'm there

I feel like a cushion
That you fall back on
When someone pushes you down

I feel like a flamingo
In your flock of seagulls
Different  and laughed at

I don't want to feel like an
Event or an afterthought
I don't want to feel like a
Cushion or a flamingo

And I'm not going to be
Those things for you anymore

In my dreams
All grass is green
And all of the
Waters are crystal clear
The sky always filled
White clouds
I swear I could reach
Out and touch

In my life
The grass turns
Brown and green
Through the seasons
The water may be murky
But I can always see
The bottom
Rain may fall from the sky
Sometimes for a while
But after the blue sky returns
And if we're lucky enough
There appears a beautiful
Rainbow

My pillow used as a shield
Blocking out light and sound
My shield scares me too though
Blocking the light from my eyes
As I hear the wind
I throw my shield to the ground
Gulp for air and open my eyes
To the light
Which reveals nothing but
Stained carpet and a snoring
Golden retriever
My blanket like cage
Locking me in for nothing
To get through
I lock it, throwing it over me
But it keeps in the heat
Making my legs shake
I unlock it, throwing to the ground
Along with my sheild
The chilled air sweeps over my legs
I breath slowly
My bed like a boat
So I can't reach the ground
I sink into it
Until it creaks
I jump overboard
My heart racing
The relief is chilly in my bones
I startle the cat lying on the chair
My furniture like a set
I star in a play
My carpet my stage
I step back into a curtain
Which shadow reflects on the wall  as
A wave swallowing my body
I get on my boat
Listening to my heart pound
I finally close  my eyes
With the hope  of sweet dreams

I'm confident
I'm proud
I'm determined
I'm happy
I'm passionate

But I just can't bring myself to do it...

I'm starting to feel like it's one sided.
Like it's all just a game.
I'm starting to feel like we're acting.
In a show called disappointment.

We are free
We love those around us
We don't have a care in the world
We dream and smile
We are free

Some love is like a flower
delicate and beautiful

Some love is like rocks
strong and durable

Some love is like waves
rough, back and forth

But all love is like a promise
And when a heart is broken
So is the promise

Soon I hope to be
Where I wish to be

Maybe that is
In a mountain house
With wool socks
And hot cocoa

Maybe that is
In the busiest street
In New York City
Desperately waving for
A taxi

Maybe that is
In an old farm house
With a barn next to it
Waking up to feed the pigs
At 5 o'clock sharp

Maybe that is
On a plane going
Somewhere with a
Cell phone glued to my ear

Maybe that is hiking
In on a trail
Leading to a special
Place in a small
Village

Maybe that is
Eating the
World's Best Cheese
Somewhere in France

Maybe that is
In a place I do not
Know of
With a person I do not
Know of

But maybe
I will be there
Soon