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Mar 2021 · 231
Home
Zane2976 Mar 2021
You can pull up the carpet
And paint the walls
But the violence I saw
Still lingers

You can install new windows
And replace the furniture
But the screaming I heard
Still lingers

You can plant a garden
And replace the fence
But the prison I knew
Still lingers

I can spend years away
And do my best to heal
But the damage you’ve done
Still lingers
Oct 2020 · 149
Visiting Hours: Shut
Zane2976 Oct 2020
Rain Rain
Go Away
Come again
Another Day

Be it dark
Be it grey
Come again
Another day
Zane2976 Oct 2020
I remember
When I was young
I used to play in the garden
And there were my friends
The insects, the dogs and the cat
We’d be lost out there for who knows how long
Climbing the trees
Climbing the fences
Nothing was too high
Watching the skies
As they say,
Time flies by

I’d spend all day
Out there
If I could
Feeling my feet
Conform to the wood
The same way
The snail
Holds the ground
And the boatman beetle
Swims upside down

Do you remember
That one time
Not so long ago
When your mother said
She locked you out sometimes
And forced you to stay outside
Pretending not to hear youre screaming
To come in
She sent away the neighbour
Through the window
That I could only come in
When my father
Got home.

And do you remember
Sometimes
That the only acceptable excuse
Was in desperate need
All the fun things
Always come back
And I can’t avoid the connotations
The sly suggestions
That all I knew
Has been tainted
In the tentacles
Stuck in that slime
That never washes off
The yellow stain
Of so many millipedes
I wanted to show
Everything I know
Has been
Enshrined
In neglect
Or abuse.
Sep 2020 · 112
Untitled
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Start fresh
A new beginning
Clean slate
Fractured
Fragile
Broken

Build up
Back to speed
Fractured hope
Stained glass windows
And rose tinted lenses

Wash away
Clean yet not
Stable in quicksand

Lost again
Again
Again
Clawing at skin from within

Torn and shattered
Vocals strained and screaming
Words come and go
Can I hold myself to set
Rotting and diseased

Shhhhh
It's raining
The storm passed
Time for healing.
Sep 2020 · 104
Untitled
Zane2976 Sep 2020
What words can I say that haven't already said?

I'm sorry?
Forgive me?
Love me?
Trust me?

Back and forth

Lost both in and between

Torn
Again
Again
Again

Picking scabs
Skin
Flesh

Ripping and tearing away

I can't find this wound that poisons me

Failing
Flailing
Falling

What's the difference when it feels the same?
What words can I say
Sep 2020 · 134
Untitled
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Softly                                                           ­                         


                                   Gently                                          


Patterns on her skin                                                             ­                         



Lost myself in giving once more



Death sentence                                                         ­                       



With delayed time                



                                                 Smoke another                                                          ­                        




Before                                                                                    
Its gone
Sep 2020 · 132
A Friend’s Gift
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Sound is waves
Light is waves
Movement is dancing in time
Keep it organised in a single line
But don’t forget the river of time
Nor the mountain of momentum
You carry within

We come up next to

A Silly Sting Theory

And things get lost
Because no one knows
Just exactly how far this one goes

A pompom was made by an important friend
After I showed her how

Loop around a cardboard circle
Make it thick and make it tight
Squeeze the scissors in
Cut just the outside circle
Before you take the cardboard out
Take a string and go around
Tie it tight and make it trim
So it fits the rest and can blend in
What was one, now is many

She went away
And then came back
And showed me an amazing thing
Then she told me
“I made it for you, give it a shake, I put a bell inside”

It lives in a box
Just for now
I’ll find it a good home
Somewhere
Somehow

“When the planets and the stars and the moons align ‘just so’”

But a string can take on many forms.
A pompom
A torus
A lattice
A rope
And so much more

Mix up intent
Driven by need
A desire to be well received
Here is creation
And maybe
Just maybe
This time
A
Seed.

Walk the fine line of sanity
It’s ok though
I’ve been here before
This path is still well known
My footing is still sure
I always wanted to be an acrobat

I remember
Sep 2020 · 95
Conflicting Advice
Zane2976 Sep 2020
To solve sleeping problems
They suggest
To keep a routine
And avoid stress
Try to destress
Keep a journal
Write about your day
But it doesn’t help
It never stops
So you shove it away
In a box
Lock it out
For another day
And focus on keeping yourself safe
When you find the courage
To say what you could not
Wait for the time
When there’s space
Only to find
The world forgot
So
So do I
I’ll turn my back
I’ll remember some day
During an anxiety attack
Or was it a flashback?
Or something imposed?
Or something else?
Most of my story
Already seems composed?
How do I know
What’s my own?
I’d love to know
I’m a living hell
To everyone around
Including myself.
Sep 2020 · 63
Untitled
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I live in Australia
The land of extremes
I grew up in a world
Where everyone screams
I have a body
That holds no peace
My only refuge
The land and the beasts
The sky and the stars
Above my head
I want to see
It’s not time yet
I want to know
Is someone out there
Just like me?
I don’t know

Is your ceiling bored
Like mine?
Too?
That last bit references Cavetown’s Is Your Bedroom Ceiling Bored?
Zane2976 Sep 2020
My therapist said to me, that one time
“How do you eat an elephant”
She asked, and I danced around
The answer she wanted was “one bite at a time”

But the thing about time is, when you forgot
The weather and the preexisting conditions
Cells break down, and bacteria sets in
I can’t stop time, I can’t change the set

So you build a fridge, to control the weather
Maybe a freezer, to preserve even longer
But even when frozen, nothing tastes quite the same
Forget about the ****, you don’t have the energy to even reheat

It’s all well and good, if you know what you need
So you take out your lists, and you plant your seeds
But what happens, when winter lasts too long
Summer was fine and the calendar‘a long, I’m losing my mind so what’s gone wrong?

I’m not an elephant, nor a plant
A plain old human, or that’s what they say
But all has a reason, all has a purpose
There’s so many things to do, and there’s not enough time

The summer is coming, the time of fire and drought
Keep an eye on your crops, I think there’s an arsonist about
Tolkien I think said it best, talking about strider - the man who just wanted to rest
While somebody else whispers “you know nothing, John snow”

Ned stark said “winter is coming”
And in the end, he was always right
Sep 2020 · 78
Just Me - Part 2
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I’m bored
I don’t know what to do
I’m tried
But I can’t sleep yet
There’s too many things I want to do
But I’m not allowed

So I think
And I think lots
And I think some more
I think I think in my sleep
It rarely feels very deep
Unless I’m utterly exhausted, of course

But how do you slow a frightened horse
Before it begins to hurt itself
When you can’t catch it
Without being hurt yourself?

I can walk away
Try to let it go
But have you ever had to sleep
Through a screaming **** show?

I can write it all down like some kind of journalist
With
“Sensational views!”
“Here’s the news”
But the taste is bitter within
Trying to sort out what’s really so
But really, for real, you know?

If I could just let go

And endless life of pain and torment
Not always by my own choice
But touching that
Touches everything else
A house of cards
And a pyramid of glass
A world of clashing continents
Trains collide at the stations
With tsunamis and volcanos eurrupting
Was there ever a space
For Just Me too?
And not be corrupted?
Sep 2020 · 103
An Old Dog And His Tricks
Zane2976 Sep 2020
How do you teach a brain that’s built for survival
And feels it’s done extremely well
That all the things it’s been running from
Are gone now, a figment of my imagination

It’s ok to stop, I know you’re exhausted
Can put down the stone, the stick, the rock
Can put down the blade, the knife, the axe
Can put down the tweezers, the flame, the point

But still it all sleeps
Just under my pillow
Just in case it’s needed
Tonight, or maybe tomorrow.
Sep 2020 · 84
An Amalgam - Part 1
Zane2976 Sep 2020
No one likes the poet
Who sits and asks why
So much so
He unwittingly stirs inside

But if you don’t speak with intent
And if people don’t like what they see
They never could grasp
The all that is Me

When grammar doesn’t make sense
Somehow I don’t know why
There’s quite a lot
That people unwittingly let slide

With a similar face is the comedian
Who likes to test the waters
But will happily shout ******* ALL
If he thinks you’re giving him orders

Another time, once a daughter
Loved the thrill and the chase
Go karts hurtling down the hill
Sometimes even competitively winning

I think out of all I miss her the most, she had no fear of going up high
She yelled ‘careful’ as she fell, and prepared to die
Faster and faster, the wind in her face
She flew everywhere, I miss that space

I guess another has other fears
Heights and speeds, shifting through the gears
Stop driving! Let me off, please!
I’ll sink and drown! In the river there..

I can’t see the bottom, the car would sink
You tied me in tight, you really made sure
“wasn’t tight enough” I know you think
All I knew, was wanting to escape

Absconding they called it, then it was escapism
No one really bothered, to stop and ask the reasons
It’s not fair, I didn’t want to die
All I wanted, was just to survive.
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Lost in the caverns, too busy exploring
Stayed so long, he missed the morning.
He couldn’t come home. even if he wanted.
He knows too much, but won’t say a word.
Going back, the horrors he saw,
Reflected a world he knew once before.
Familiar, but each with their own little twist
Going back, he seems so lost
This is all so different, and yet still feels the same
Eventually the fog clears, and he can look for a way out
Safety outside, if only he can remember the route
Trapped in this madness he feels so insane
It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to go back again.
Tormented over and over, trapped in his own brain.
You can always go and see him, back in his house
He apologises for the monster so close next door, he wishes he could move out.
-end-
-zane
Sep 2020 · 81
Untitled
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I wanted to tell you
How sad I am
And how much my body hurts.

I wanted to tell you
Tonight I’m crying myself to sleep
And I wish I could have a hug.

I wanted to tell you
But you’ve had such a good day
And I know you can’t help.

I wanted to tell you
But I couldn’t say the words
So I sent you a meme.
Sep 2020 · 68
It's All My Fault
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm blaming myself for something I didn't do
I'm destroying myself over what happened to you
Soon I'll be back where I was
Soon I'll be back in my suicidal way of life
Crying myself to sleep each night
Regretting every word I've ever written

This cycle's beginning again
The nightmares are coming back
Not eating right anymore
Thoughts are invading my head
I hate being alone

It is my fault
I let it happen
I could've stopped it
I should've stopped it
I let this happen
It's all my fault
one from the books
Sep 2020 · 66
If
Zane2976 Sep 2020
If
If I were to die tonight, would you be there to hold my hand?
If I were to cry tonight ,would you be there to wipe the tears away?

If you were brave enough, would you tear my life from me?
If I asked, would you forgive me?
If I cared, would you abandon me?
If I was cold, would you let me freeze?
If I said I liked you, would you hate me?
If you said you loved me, would you regret it forever?

If I were to cry tonight, would you be there to wipe the tears away?
If I were to die tonight, would you be there to hold my hand?
one from the books
Sep 2020 · 63
Passing Through
Zane2976 Sep 2020
.    Dark red and broken
     Fleeing from life

Panic strikes fear into your heart
Has she done the thing you swore you wouldn't let her

     Watching the rose leaves fall
     As my life is ebbing away

You dial her number wishing she will pick up
Hardly do you know how far shes gone

     I dropped enough hints begging for him to help
     But I'm here now and he never even saw it coming

You knew you didn't want to leave because you knew she would
And now you're so far away unable to help

     I have done what I said I would
     And I have left my time to pass through

You're finally with her but the only thing is
You came too late to save her.
one from the books
Sep 2020 · 88
Don't Want You To Go
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I can't wait to see the stars with you again
Just to spend another day with you is all I could wish for
Dreaming of you and I wake in tears
Cause all I want is you
I feel so empty when you're gone

I watch the stars for you each night
Wishing that you're alright
Wanting to have you here with me
Hoping that you won't remain a memory
old one from the books
Sep 2020 · 65
Once Again
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm laying on this bed again
And the walls look only all too familiar
The machines keep bleeping
Saying I'm alive and breathing
It's not the first time I've been here
It's not the first time I've tried to disappear

At first it was all just a joke
At first it was just for attention
I have gotten myself addicted to this
I don't wanna stop till the day I die

White walls and people in coats
Telling me they are gonna put me somewhere safe
Where I don't have to worry
Cause I won't hurt myself anymore
Only hell is comparative to that place
I don't wanna go there again
They sent me nuts the first time

An addiction I don't want to destroy
It's not a coping method
It's the way of life
This is my life.
One from the books
Sep 2020 · 68
Just Learn To Forget
Zane2976 Sep 2020
You say I'm on the high road
I'm up here on the edge
And I'm going jump

I can't take this
Sleep deprived and dead on the floor
Some say it was accidental
But they all know I'd tried this before

Take a walk in my world
And tell me where I went wrong
Talk a walk in my shoes
And sing my last song

Take a walk with me
And take all the time in sight
Take a walk in my room
And take my music, my life

All the bears can gather dust
All the metal can turn to rust
Don't wipe me from existence
Just learn to forget me
one from the books
Sep 2020 · 82
Just Another
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm just another person
That you'll never meet
I'm just another disappointment
That you'll never see
I'm just another mistake
That you don't want to live with
I'm just me
And you don't want to know me

I'm just another mouth
That you'll have to feed
I'm just another piece of dirt
That you'll walk all over again
I'm just another noise
That you want to mute
I'm just me
I thought you would care

I'm just another one of your kids
That you don't look after
I'm just another disobedient girl
That you beat to a pulp
I'm just a wasted space
That you would rather be without
I'm just me
You're the only one I've got

Can't you look at me
Can't you even say a word
Must you lie to me every time we meet
Must you always put me last
What if I died would you care
What if i never spoke to you again
If you're not gonna care about me
I never want to see you again
One from the books
Sep 2020 · 71
Distant Memory
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm just a distant memory
Far away
Beyond the sea

I'm just a distant memory
In your sleep
Dream of me
A short one from the books.
Sep 2020 · 55
The Way Of Rejection
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Once friend
Now enemy
Once trusted
Now rejected

This is the way of rejection
The way I have lived all my life
It's not gonna change

Tears falling
Broken hope
Once light
Now darkness

This is the way of rejection
The way I have lived all my life
It's not gonna change

Bursted happiness
Demanding thoughts
Once whole
Now broken

This is the way of rejection
The way I have lived all my life
I CAN'T CHANGE IT
one from the books.
Sep 2020 · 74
Let It Fly
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Pull the trigger and let it fly
This isn't the end
It's the start of life
Miles away and you can't stop me
This is my life
And this is my choice

So much to hold onto
So little with grip
My fingers are slipping
There it flies

Regrets are left behind
And so are my friends
This is the way of my life
It is time for it to end

Pull the trigger and let it fly
This isn't the end
It's the start of life
Miles away and you can't stop me
This is my life
And this is my choice
one from the books
Sep 2020 · 66
This Is My Own
Zane2976 Sep 2020
How long can you last
In this snowstorm of accusations
How many lies have you used
In answers to my questions

How many times have I picked you up on my back
When you wouldn't even consider holding my hand to help me up
How long have you depended on me
When I've had to fend for myself

These days are cold
I have no clothes that keep me warm
And no house to come home to
You stand there watching me freeze to death

How many fires have burnt out under your watch
Do you even feel the cold anymore
This cold snow, this cold stone
It's as cold as your heart

I'm slipping away from you
In this cold world
I'm going far away from you
Where you can't watch me die

I will show you I'm stronger
I will prove I deserve to live
This life is mine and I'm not gonna let you break me
I'm taking back my life and making it my own
another forgotten one from the books.
Sep 2020 · 68
I Don't Wanna Hang
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Take these words of mine
Tell me what they mean
Take these words of mine
And unchain them from me

Let them fly free
Set them loose
I don't want them to tie me up here
And let me hang from this noose.

Take these thoughts of mine
Tell me why they are here
Take these thoughts of mine
And banish them from beneath my hair

Let them fly free
Set them loose
I don't want them to tie me up here
And let me hang from this noose.

Why do these words come to mind
Why do these thoughts follow me
When can I be set free
From these chains they put me in

Let them fly free
Set them loose
I don't want them to tie me up here
And hang me from from this noose.
One from the books. No idea when it was written.
Think maybe once upon a time it was a song *shrugs*
Sep 2020 · 64
Unfinished
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm sick of this life
I want to let go
Every day hurts
Everything's wrong
And I just wanna go back in time
I'm sick of feeling lost and confused
I hate not knowing the things that effect me
Found in another book, no idea when this was written though.
Aug 2020 · 479
Windstorm
Zane2976 Aug 2020
In the middle of the windstorm
You didn't hear the roar
That thundered out across the sky

In the middle of the windstorm
You didn't see the fire
That spewed forth upon the ground

In the middle of the windstorm
You didn't feel yourself burn
Caught in the eye of the inferno

As the world incinerates to ash
Know the seeds you planted
May finally have the warmth to grow
Aug 2020 · 93
Scream
Zane2976 Aug 2020
How can I scream
Loud enough to be heard
When all you have
Are letters and words?
Aug 2020 · 61
Untitled
Zane2976 Aug 2020
Sometimes
To massage the heart
You must first
Break a few ribs
Zane2976 Aug 2020
theres old music
and theres new music
theres music to evoke feelings
and theres music to lull memories out
theres music for moods
and theres music for thoughts
theres music for whispers
and theres music for loud
theres music for words
and theres music without
theres music for softness
and theres music for hard times

theres music you play
and theres music that comes out of you
theres music that sends chills down your spine
and theres music that warms you deep down
theres music for getting things done
and theres music for sitting alone
theres music that comes and goes
and theres music that remains steady

Everything falls away
And then there was music.
Jul 2020 · 88
Untitled
Zane2976 Jul 2020
Turn the knife away from them
They aren't the problem
If everyone has a problem with you
Then clearly you are the problem
Turn that knife inwards
Cut out the sickness
Drain away the disease
But still
No one treats you better
So you try again and again
The scars covering you whole
Nothing but one great big ****** up scar
A waste of space and oxygen
No one will care
Fly off the radar and they won't even notice
Go down to the river
That part where no one ever goes
Nothing with you but your thoughts and a rope
Trying to work out what you did wrong
Must have been something
Tired of hurting others
Tired of being hurt
You wont be coming home
Another old one
Jul 2020 · 99
The Journey Has Begun
Zane2976 Jul 2020
Everything changes
My whole world turns upside down
That one discovery
Wishes really can come true

It's nothing but daunting
But I must go on
Oppress the internal conflictions
This is who I should be
I've just gotta make it there first

Baby step by baby step
Sometimes I fall down
Sometimes everything goes wrong
Pick up the pieces
I can do it
I will do it eventually

Rewrite my story
Turn a new leaf
I'm no different to who I was before
Still just plain ol' me

Climbing the walls one at a time
I know it looks impossible
Each new stage is a challenge
Won't back down
This is my dream

Many others have made it through
It only stands that someday,
I shall too
Another one from ages ago
Jul 2020 · 92
Music Box
Zane2976 Jul 2020
Let me play my music box
The soft ****** carry you away
In the sweet security of a better time
Back before the days grew dark
And before the tears streamed down your face.

Take you to your hopes and dreams
Remembering how life crushed you
Now nothing but flesh and bone
What do you have left
But these few fragments clinging on

Why continue straining against the flow of time
Reaching for the past
Like it could save you from your future
The one that looks so bleak and alone
Throw it all away
And let me play my music box
Another one I'd found.
Jul 2020 · 91
Deep Storage
Zane2976 Jul 2020
Have you ever had to break down every aspect of your life?
Questioning everything you have learnt and known to be true?
Asking yourself if all you've known is really so,
And if you dare to change it?
I have.
I dare to change.
I dare to embark on this journey
To pull myself apart and fashion myself anew
Breaking down every part of my being
My mind
My body
And whatever soul there is left
To rebuild something I will be pleased with
Down to a new name
Gone forever will be the girl of my childhood
Full of hopes, dreams and fantasies
Forget to grow up again
Because I don't have to
This new person will already know
Pain, suffering, entrapment
The force of social expectations and judgement
For he will know this from the moment of birth
For they do not forget the past
They cling onto what was
Like their life depends on it
He on the other hand depends on the change
His life ebbs away with every passing second
Drowned out by the fear of what may come
I must let go of her
Because it is her that hurts
Knowing she is not what she is
Knowing that she is he and he is her
His life depends on her death
Have the strength to let her go
She was gone a long time ago.

Ah, how confusing it is
To long to let go of everything I was
Everything I once almost grasped

Internal conflicts fight wars inside
Sometimes he is subdued and locked away for his own safety
At times he can reign
Powerless and defeated by his own body
The sickness longing for eradication

She cuts her skin
Wondering how deep she can go before she is freed
Knowing once gone
He must bare her scars
Oh, how many scars there are.

Like a restless tiger
He lashes out at the bars
Cursing at those looking inwards
Hiding from the lights shined into his eyes
Are you ok?
No we are not
Dreaming nothing but freedom from a cage of flesh and bone
Waiting for that day that never comes

What god would make them suffer so?
What god would ever incorporate such inner turmoil?
Abandoned by humanity
Abandoned by your spiritual leader
Who could ever stand by me
When I am not me in all but my mind?
My mind is no safe haven either
It is there that the terrors grow and multiply
Haunting every sleeping hour
Brooding over every waking moment
If there is so much visible destruction
What could have possibly survived within?

I know I am not who I am
But I know who I am
And I am not what I should be

At least the sting of the blade takes it away
It quells the conflicts for a time
And silences the horrors inside for a brief moment
One day I can throw it away
One day it will all be settled
Until then I must cope however I can
Destroying myself slowly
I will be left in pieces
Or I will be left as nothing

In fragments or as nothing
Anything is worth safety in my own mind
This is an old handwritten piece I found from years ago. Thought it was time to bring it into the world.
Mar 2020 · 89
The Reoccurring Journey
Zane2976 Mar 2020
To approach with love and understanding
To greet with open arms and open heart
To share time and space together
To welcome that which has been repressed
As you would a dear old friend
May 2017 · 269
Untitled
Zane2976 May 2017
Twisted and churning
Torn yet whole
A thousand knives turning as one
Nov 2016 · 319
Irritation
Zane2976 Nov 2016
Legs and feet under my skin
Crawling just below the surface
Pincers and teeth tearing at my flesh
Somewhere within
Dig them out
Scratch them out

From my toes to inside my ears
Digging, crawling, biting
Scratch and scratch but they're under my nails
Just below the surface

In my tongue and in my throat
Inside my eyes
Like a thousand barbs of wire
Rotating inside my veins

Dig and scratch
Scratch and dig

Get out of me
Jul 2016 · 344
Judge and Jury
Zane2976 Jul 2016
Cause I'm a monster
And I'm a traitor
And I sold my soul away for you

Whipped and beat myself
Bruised and flayed myself
My pain was never enough to atone for you

Now I find myself in the dark
Carrying these chains I placed on myself
The reasons I justified my punishment
Have all escaped my mind
Where have I gone?

Sentenced away for so many years
I've forgotten the crimes I committed against me
Pain without purpose
Where is my retribution?

Judge and jury please hear me out
I don't know why I carry this on my shoulders
Shining a light on the faults is hardy sin
I promise it's not just me giving in
Release me from this penitentiary
Allow myself to absolve me of these crimes
May 2016 · 267
Untitled
Zane2976 May 2016
Wrestling with the self
Back and forth
Over and over again
Senseless words etching themselves into my mind
Shouting "I don't want this"
While inscribing "suffer" into my core
Apr 2016 · 378
Phoenix
Zane2976 Apr 2016
Handed freedom
On a silver platter no less
To understand that you never understood
Taking breath as you submerse further into the sea

Entwining vines of fate
Breathing life into charred soul
Rising from the destruction
Never felt quite this whole

Lessons learnt bring little to this passage
Beginning again with new perspective
A steady medium of living chaos
Dressed finely in robes of change

Suddenly
Familiar scenes
That were grey
Vibrantly echoing in colour
Mar 2016 · 3.4k
I needed safe schools.
Zane2976 Mar 2016
I needed safe schools because my parents did not have the education to teach me what my feelings about myself were.
I needed safe schools because I did not have the education to know about myself.
I needed safe schools because I was educated that liking people of the same *** was a sin.
I needed safe schools because I was taught that I was wrong to feel the way I felt about myself.
I needed safe schools because my peers do not know how to talk respectfully to a trans person.
I needed safe schools because I had no refuge from the judgement of others.
I needed safe schools because I didn't know that transitioning was a possibility.
I needed safe schools because I felt I had to suffer in silence, believing I was the only person who felt like I did.
I needed safe schools because education is key to a functioning society.
I needed safe schools because it is a chance to better the future.
Feb 2016 · 428
Dysphoria Pt.3
Zane2976 Feb 2016
Clutching tightly inside my chest
Suddenly swallowing fire inside my throat
And an emptiness echoing throughout my torso
Pleasure evolutionised into crushing despair

Aching to fill some endless void
The dissonance between body and soul
Renders further with each self-inflicted wound
Grasping at the seduction of Ideal
Tearing myself apart with misaligned determination
Feb 2016 · 270
Distance
Zane2976 Feb 2016
It feels so very heavy
Yet  it feels achingly hollow inside

Sitting deep within
A mere passenger along for the ride

Caged at the back
I can't find the reasons why
Feb 2016 · 312
Words
Zane2976 Feb 2016
"Does it help?" He asked softly

The old man looked up from the paper he was scrawling on with a pen "Hmm?"

"Does it help? I mean, does it help you get the demons out of your head?" There was a glint in his eye, as though the question had sparked some sort of hope within him, overriding the despair that people commonly saw etched on his face.

The old man turned back to his paper, staring at the words as though he had lost his thoughts within them. Time passed between the men, the silence echoing off the walls of the small study. Eventually the younger man drew a breath to repeat himself when the older one suddenly spoke.

"No. So what do I write for then? I give life to the words when I write them. A small imprint of my soul lingers long after my pen has stopped. With this, the demons can feed and sleep quietly for a while. If I don't, they will **** away at my soul, until I am nothing more than an empty shell walking around. With these words, I can survive until I have learnt how to cast the demons from my mind. Perhaps then, I will find peace."

The younger man turned away, wishing to prevent the other man from seeing the tears well in his eyes. The older man didn't need to look at him though, for he had asked his mentor the very same question to receive a similar answer. He knew that he had just shattered the new hope his young charge had found. It pained him to know, but he could not bare to lie. False hope only ever leads to more unbearable pain.
Jan 2016 · 253
Mother
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Hey.

I have decided to write you a letter of sorts
In the hope that maybe, I can get enough words in before you tell me I'm wrong.
I don't know why I had this expectation of you playing this motherly role
Clearly, my hopes were misplaced.
I'd like to apologise for holding you higher than your actions showed
I'd like to thank you, for doing what you could.
I cannot say that you didn't do what you thought was best
But its funny how the one who has known me the longest
Knows me the least
You know nothing of my hopes and dreams
Yet you feel capable of making judgements on my behalf
That is not your call to make
Its kind of funny really
You told me it is a parents job to reach out
A child shouldn't have to fight for their parents support
And here we are again
Only this time its you who have distanced away
I'm tired of seeking you out
To find you've nothing to say
I've tried to ease your discomfort
Its a little difficult to do right by you
When everything is smothered in pretence

I don't want to fight any longer
For someone who can toss me away
You can call me
When you've got something to say

- Zane
Jan 2016 · 340
Contemplation pt.2
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Isn't it funny
The blackness of the night
Gives way to the blue of the dawn
But do not blink
For you will miss it submitting to the golden glow of the morn'
Only for it to fade away once again
Into the birth of the night
Where the air brings around a calm
The stars ever steadily watching all beyond and below
The moon gifting silver given by the sun
All around and around all for one
Cycles in the star and the orb
Watching for the entirety of our existence
Only to fade away
Touching none but the same
Hah, aren't we all so insane?
Over and over and over and over and over
Like some broken record
Skipping the beat in time with the soul
Once again and once more searching to be whole
All homesick for a place yet to be
I am the words inside your head
The thoughts still unfinished
I am here but nowhere at all
How small we all must certainly be
You are the thoughts lost to the soul
The words yet to come to mind
Such minded mindlessness we are all
Jan 2016 · 348
Synchronicity
Zane2976 Jan 2016
I step into the smothering darkness
Surrounding all around
Wrapping me in its warm embrace
What do I have left but to encase myself in the familiar comfort of nothingness?

Suddenly a blue ray of light cuts through the thick blanket
Piercing the window with its striking brilliance
Echoing throughout the hallway
Slanting upon the walls

What trickery is this I wonder?
To dawn during such a disconcerting time
I question what is in store for me next
Maybe, just maybe, a ray of hope has been born
Jan 2016 · 393
Little Blue
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Little blue
Hiding away
Little blue
Do you not see the day?

Isolation comes at a cost
Self esteem and feeling so lost
What price is worth the time in your head?
Before you know it, already half dead

Little blue, little blue
What do you say?
Little blue, little blue
Can you come out to play?
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