It came to some point
where I no longer wait
even for a simple hi or hello

i don't want to break my own heart
from all the disappointments
so I stopped all the expectations
thinking maybe you'll eventually notice
i'm starting not to care

But I don't know why I'm stuck
don't know why I don't want to move on
I want to tell myself it's okay
every **** time you choose to ignore
and every time you (unknowingly) made me feel
that in your world, I never exist.

Your absence
I can taste
whenever I wake
up;
my lips chapped
and bleeding.

You are so afraid of getting old
having wrinkles, having flaws,
weakening muscles, fading eyesight,
clouding memory, so like the
lady witches on fairy tales
you wish to be forever young.

But never did you realised
the beauty of old age.

You were far too busy for simply
being present and savouring the moment.
You were young and life rushed by you.
Your mind was so busy, constantly racing
and striving for success, where
every moment seemed filled with goals,
of places to go and people to see.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now you’re old, having all the things
you’re so afraid of, but is more present
and ever mindful, finding pleasure
in the smallest things:

Such a rewarding experience
is putting on your pajamas at night
and the ease and relaxation that accompanied
this simple act of changing clothes.

You wake up with complete awareness
of the aches and pains, yet happy
that you are alive and have lived
a full life that your physical body now
reminds you of.

You start your day by the simple task
of brushing your teeth, and you realize,
how lucky you are to have those teeth and
you’re excited to take care of them,
they have value to you that you neglected
when you were young.

You see now how your work is
of so much benefit to so many.
To support the ones you love, and
to help others who are in need, is a
tremendous blessing.
You realise how wonderful
that you’re able to work.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, do your feet hurt? Yes,
but you’re grateful you can walk.
Do your neck and shoulders ache?
Sure, but you’re thankful
you can sit upright and feed yourself.
Do you often feel back pain?
Certainly, but it’s still very strong
and can carry a great deal.

And for all of these things,
all of these aches and pains,
all the wrinkles, all the imperfections
you see all the joy and happiness.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tomorrow,
you will be older still,
and this body will further decay.
But rather than struggle against this,
welcome your own impermanence.
It’s a wonderful life we all share,
and it’s a blessing to grow old!


© Diana (2:43 am, May 7, 2014)

We are all kids at heart,
always waiting
for the truck of sweetness
and loving it even when it's cold.

When I see your smile,
and I know it’s not for me,
that’s when I’ll miss you.

I saw old friend Bogart awhile ago
in pieces and fragments
of old, preserved bones
I’ve tried to put him back together
by assembling him, and I did
but there’s so many pieces missing.
His skull is gone, his hyoid and clavicle
his humerus and ulna on the right side of his arms
and even his phalanges.
He has no coccyx on his pelvis and
on his right leg, no tibia and fibula,
on his knee, there’s no patella
yet there’s some pieces of tarsals on his feet.
Incomplete and useless,eh?
Though old, he’s still beautiful,
a perfect masterpiece of the Heavens,
the strength of his bones measure eons
and will you believe me if I say
that because of him, my mom graduated?
He’s been responsible for the success
of students who became doctors and biologists
as old as his bones are,
were the knowledge imparted to the children
of many generations.
Bogart is amazing, a (non)living teacher
that tells me, that there’s beauty
and essence  in fragments of something that
once was complete and that one who
will always remain alive in the lives of many
and now, in mine too.