Seriously ****** up in the mental
Dreaming to see my grave
These scars on my skin weren't accidental
Sadness comes in waves

Drowning in my own thoughts
Submerged in voices that aren't my own
My mind is tangled in knots
Deeper under the waves I'm thrown

Extremely messed up in the brain
Wishing to lay 6ft underground
All the life in me has been drained
I'm not going to wait and hang around

I'll take a boat, plane, even a car
As long as it takes me far away
A gun, rope or pills in a jar
In my mind I'm not about to stay

Immensely ******* up in my head  
Where did I go so wrong
All I want is to just be dead
You were right all along

I'm beyond the point of relief
For me the world has gone dull
So don't you dare give me grief
I'm caught up in my skull

I don't want smart.
I want spontaneous.

I don't want roses and a candle-lit dinner.
I want drunken nights by the campfire.

I don't want a boy that says 'I love you'
Because I don't believe in love
And, even if I did,
I'm not emotionally capable of feeling it.
I want a boy that's okay with that.

I don't want a boy that showers me with compliments
or a knight in shining armor.
I don't want mushy love letters or romantic get aways.
I don't want a boy who's looking for a wife
because I don't believe in marriage.
And I don't want a lover.
I want a partner in crime.

I want a boy with chaos flickering in his eyes.
I want a boy who smiles a lot.
I want contagious laughter.
I want loud.
I want steamy kisses where he presses my body into his and my skin tingles.

I don't want late night phone calls or 'Good morning' texts.
I want a boy that calls me out on my *******.
I want a boy that pushes my buttons.
I want a challenge.

I don't want a boy that makes me feel pretty.
I want a boy that makes me feel alive.

I want a boy that taps on my window in the middle of the night
And brings me on a starlit adventure.

I don't want a boy that makes love.
I want a boy that will **** me raw.
And I want a boy that will let me pass out on him afterwards.
And I want a boy that won't get offended if I move away in the middle of the night
Because cuddling hurts my neck and his heartbeat is keeping me awake.

I don't want a boy that holds hands.
I want a boy that drives too fast.
I don't want a boy that babies me.
And I don't want a shoulder to cry on
Because I'm not fragile
And I can take care of myself.
I want a boy that pushes me into oncoming sprinklers
And doesn't hold anything back.

I don't want a boy that's looking for forever
because forever seems like a really long time.
I want a boy that goes day by day.

I don't want safe.
I want to go fast.
I want to live on the edge.
I want exhilaration.

I don't want to be wanted.
I want to want.

If you want to be heard
      *Listen

Laying all alone in this dark, empty room
No one home, no one there
Listening to sad songs
Just a child, having to grow up

The tissues pile up around me
The tears pour out my eyes
I try to put on a smile
But my eyes give me away

My eyes weary, and tired
Tears cascade like a waterfall
The sheets cold around my body
Longing for warmth and love

All alone in a sad, cold room
Lonely nights with no one there
The blankets provide no comfort
Your smell still lingers

I can taste you, feel you, hear you
I want you, I need you
You're gone
All alone in a dark, depressed room

These sad words haunt me
These sad tears hurt me
You're voice, our memories **** me
No one is there to hold me

and after a while, all smiles are to me is just a movement of muscles around the cheek and mouth area.

How do I tell you I failed again
Ill never recover or make amends
Sadness overcomes me  
To think of something ill never be
My mind sails
As my heart fails
Whover thought  
That happiness could be bought
Im in a battle
But all you do is tattle
Youre just not seeing
So Im fleeing