Sitting in a yellow room
I look at your face and your mouth.
Your lips move and I hear your story,
I'm interested, maybe,
only for a while.

I like to talk about myself,
I talk and I see you smile.
But maybe you get bored soon
and we're sharing nothing but time
together, sitting across each other.

Two hours pass and your duty calls
or maybe it is saturation.
It could be that you've had your fill
and need to leave me right now.
I wonder how I'm always left
empty, somehow.

I close the door after you,
the door with the white paint.
It stares at me with an expression frozen
blank,
articulating nothing.
How is it that the closed door
seems to understand me
more, than those I cherish conversations with.

Are you my friend or just some time
spent, in discovering myself?

There might be some truth
in the beauty of my images,
my imagination, my savior
from enjoying lovelessness
too much.

There might be a kind of
person who
would mirror my thoughts
in a different skin
and that could be bliss.

There might be a field,
wide and sunny, with
the armor of intellect
crashing with purpose,
both so strong,
the ground never shakes,
never moves.

An image.
Frightening, how perfect it is.

Your memory is young
but it walks on crutches towards me.

I remember
your raven hair
the most, amidst all your
drowning grandeur.

I see your hair,
bound in your eyes,
flowing in your thoughts.

It is like a dense, dark forest,
nobody ever goes there.

The birds in my heart
are chirping,
orchestrating
their last song.

Don’t let it end.

Many times, when daydreaming
feels like a task.
I think of you,
and everything that was,
before it couldn't be.

We had a mutual hate for society.
The government's rations were irrational.
The economy's money had no worth.
The people's morals were immoral.
The religious had lost their faith.

We were stuck
in this world,
with no way out.

Before we had met each other,
neither of us had believed in that four letter word.
The one that people made a big deal over.
It had no meaning to either of us,
considering we never really knew what it was.
It's absence in our lives lead us to believe it didn't exist.

Plus,
Love was a kryptonite.
Who would let their guard down to be with some other
corrupted human being?
Certainly not I.
And sure as hell not you.

But just as any other cliche stupid love story would go,
destiny brought us together.

At first we were unsure of each other.
I had this undeniable habit of observing you from across the room,
And I'm sure you thought of me as some weird girl in your business class.

We ended up talking, and becoming friends.
But being "friends" lead to skipping class to make out in some hidden part of the school,
sitting on your lap at football games,
and texting all the time using winky faces and hearts.

I didn't think it was possible
but I had fallen for you.
Hard.
The way a toddler falls the first time they ride a bike.
Or the way Humpty Dumpty fell from his wall.

There was no putting me back together.

Unfortunately, at the time I didn't know how you felt.
and neither did you.

An opportunity came to me in which I had to make a decision.
Put up a fight and stay or just go with the flow and leave.

I never thought I could change anything between our "friends with benefits" relationship
and this paradise had nothing left to offer me, so I left.

And I guess the saying
"you never know what you have until it's gone"
showed true for you because you noticed my absence.

Every time the teacher would call my name for attendance
you would respond
"she isnt here"

Six Months Later..

I went to visit for a few days.
I spent three of those days with you.
I had called you, told you I was in town.

When I saw you,
I was actually happy. Genuinely happy.
Which is saying a lot,
considering the rain cloud of depression that had been hanging over me for a while.

At first we were just like we used to be,
sarcastic ******* to each other.

In the middle of me ******* about something,
you grabbed my waist,
pulled me closer,
looked at me with those eyes of yours,
and kissed me.

I realized then how much I had missed you.
Your electrical touch,
the taste of your lips,
the intoxicating smell that radiated from your skin
of sweet vanilla and laundry detergent.

I couldn't stop the feelings I had for you
from coming back.
I loved and hated how weak you made me.

My knees would buckle,
threatening to give out from beneath me.
My chest would burn,
as though I had swallowed a million fireworks
and they were all going off at once.
And My heart.
I hated the way it ached to tell you that I loved you.

I had once believed the word was meaningless;
Just something people said to each other to shut the other person up.

But no.
It was much more than that.
And you pulled the true definition into my view.

Allowed it to take on different meanings,
gave me situations to connect it to,
and feelings to associate it with.

It's safe to say you taught me to love;
just as the world taught me to hate.

But your lesson had far more value than any other I'd had or would have.