Preforations percolated
by heavy waves in the salty sea
Hard exterior coral wins,
protects the lives inside of me
Friends with dorsal fins
and my polyp soul

Glazed eyes
Tired sighs
Lost interest
Leave the room
Question that guy
smells like ****, you high?
No officer with a sigh
Detained and searched
Reasonably
Booked and Printed
All I was doing was
eating popcorn
and playing videogames

Awoken from a 4 1/2 month dream
Find myself hanging by my feet
30,000 above and swinging wildly
Nose bleeding like waterfalls
Eyes suffering drought in Arizona
                           The dream was about you
                           Unsure if it was reality
                           It sure wasn't fake though
A "steal" heart shall sit in my chest
because you stole the one that beats
Swing, Bleed, Suffer some more
Fake airplane air makes me wonder
Where I am whenever I awoke
Captain, "To the right lies Kansas City"
I knew those lights in the distance
They twinkled like your ***** eyes.

The guitar strings think of you when they play this tune
The C chord is the curvature of your body when you lay gracefully
The G chord is the grandeur of your personality in public
The A chord is your accent when you say good morning
The D chord is your demeanor all the time
The F chord is how your hair falls on your shoulders
The E chord is how I will love you eternally

Im a sailor on a concrete path
and I miss the smell of the sea
        I miss the humidity
Im a sailor and I miss the crackling laugh of the shifty tide against me
Im a sailor on the corporate path
and I miss the simplicity of living a life carefree
        Out on the ocean, Out on the sea
        Our wherever I want to be

Soul like a Gunshot Wound
Take out the bullet soon
Or leave it hurting
Let it become part of you
A pain that's burning
Eating your soul for years
While you are learning
To deal with the pain that grew
To become all of your fears
It'll hurt so bad later
You will bust out in tears
To take out the bullet
That became your savior
As you worship the scars
On your skin that cater
To the pain that stayed here
With the bullet
In your Soul like a Gunshot Wound

Creeping in my veins
Settled in my skull
I Hate Myself
Racing thoughts,
The dark takes a hold
I Hate Myself
Emptied out my organs of love,
An empty hull
I Hate Myself
Night swells up
The dark thoughts are culled
I Hate Myself
Pouring out my lymph nodes
Taking control, the only voices I hear
"I Hate Myself, You Have A Trigger to Pull"

Nothing will ever love me
The way that I do it
Except for ******(e)
She'll comfort me
with a disappointing face
She'll make me realize
so much but nothing
She'll make me dull
but feel completely alive
Oh how I wish I could find my ******(e)

unbelievably

I dont know what to say

fear

in this world, Im scared

unreluctantly

warfare striving today

here

imperialism re-declared

Masks hide true burns
With no futures
Take off your mask
Wounds need sutures
Try to stitch with drips
From a whiskey flask
Taste numbs cherry red lips
Whose all for another
If they pucker again
See me quiver and stutter

Waves shake
A painters boat
Stumble and fall
in the lake
A painter's contacts
will sink
Humble and tall
A painter stands
without clarity
to his sight
Grumble and call
with his lisp
A painter pounds
fists with rage
Crumble and fall
A painter lives
without a clue
how to paint
Struggle till solved
A painter fights
to paint thy self

Laid on a starbound white vessel of profound sspirit.
Dont pay attention to the horrors in the shadow, they can eat you alive if you let them.
They aren't folk heroes, They're faux heroes

Alien tremors like indigo ephemerals
The vibrations are not elastic but
Real creatures in the night
The sun isn't shining light, its sharing a shadow
Believe what you want, spiritual by passing at best
The skull eclipses have gone and went
The moon lets the blood, the dark
Has sent its blessings
Time to move on, shedding skin
Like cocooned butterflys or snakes at age
A new age of reality has begun on the 4th page
4 dimensions
Burn some sage, prepare for the transcendence

I'm in love with feeling down
The feeling stays through towns
I pass along the way
Each more beautiful than the last
All of the emotional nights have found
To be just as therapeutic as the sounds
That abound in my thoughts
As they race towards the past
Back to the future where they all merge
A keyboard circuit surge
An electric strum
A soul being purged
With the words I'll hum, tell, yell
But first let me ask
Do you have a cig I can ***?

I keep having these emotional outbreaks
and when I feel like this, I need to tell you
But my words get jumbled up and I cant keep my emotions under control
Whenever I go to
I think it has to do with my worst fear
The thing that eats away at me everyday
Claws at my tendons causing my muscles to die
Stagnates my blood causing my arteries to clog and brittle my  bones
It's crimson needled fingers are powered by one hand underneath my gums and rips my teeth out one by one while the other hand slides my fingernails out of my skin
Stalking Seeking Slithering through my skin it crawls inside
and stalks my spinal cord all the way to my skull, plucking spinal cords along the way
Seeking for my brain and
Slithering into every neuron and cell
It rots every single one
And decays the rest of me
I am numb cause I'm afraid no one cares.
No-one has cared at all
I knew from the first christmas
that I was a mistake
In middle school
it was made clear again
when everyone bullied me
Then again in High School
where teenage apathy reigned
But now, I really don't know if anyone cares
and your answer means so much to me
"Do you care?"
Cause if I can't have you as a lover
I want to love you as a friend
Cause I can see you doing great in the end

Im doing pretty good. Want to create more.

Also it ends up being positive feedback loop. The mental distress caused by creating too much creates more mental distress. Guess Ill just play videogames and relax and take a couple drugs.

Sometimes the drugs do make me constipated though which *****. Feel like I havent pooped in days.

When you begin to peel
the orange of strife
you are revealed
a bitter truth
about rebirth of a
sweet, colorly loof
concealed by an orangey shell
trying to show us
sweetness in life

Smoke rolls off your lips
As raindrops drip
Off the roof, above where you sit
Barely missing the lit end
Of your cigarrette
And ill make you a bet
By the end of this night
None of this will mean ****
Youll be to drunk to remember it

Youll run down back alleys
With girls you jusy met from cali
Away from cops tryna tally
You up as an arrest
Rally the rest
Into a **** sesh like youre towlie
Find all your friends have left
Have to hitch-hike back to campus
A drunken high mess

But when the next test comes
Youll drink away your stress
Head to the closest party
Spend all your money on drugs, not rent
But when that doesnt help you vent
Climb into bed with that hottie you just met

Yeah *****
This is college
After this were all set... right?
Or should we think bout whats next? ... G'night

The water slowly crept in
Bleeding nose while
The low lept to a fin
Drowning lungs pile
The thoughts of sin
Have another drinking binge
As my mind tires
and your lungs singe
with the blitherd feeling
of drowning, sinking
in loose hinges of tongue, mouth
and coldly bluing water
What of you're father
will he stop you at the alter
drowning you in tethered ropes
beaten and battered hopes
hither-ed by the sinking
and slithering to Mariana trench
Hades is looking for you
someone to tie to his bench
with a wedding ring
someone who can sing
You ******* *****

It's hard to understand

A Rockstar with a drug problem

A Literary type with wine tasting ability

A business man keen on social sense

A Lover craving spiritual connection and growth

Layers of fallen leaves in autumn
Piles of gold and red and orange

Football fan with a blue jersey

Homeless but with a vigil eye
For those who try to hard

An addict to anyone who loves
Caring to much to touch
Love that comes unbound
All too quick and all too much

I am all I write above
Some of it lies....  to myself

A dove with a heavy heart
singing in my mind
Flying for a shelter of like-minded doves.

But who am I this time?
Rockstar, Lush,  Lover, Addict, Salesperson

I am a writer, or so I think...

Especially when I drink

I am all those things
I am assertion
Of life with many layers

Like other living beings
Like tree rings
Something you don't see
till lacerations
Cut the skin, cut the bark

Personality bleeds out
That's why I run to the closest person
Not the best
And I doubt it'll work out

She doesn't understand
I'm a Rockstar, Lush, Lover, Addict, Salesperson

Consumerist soul raging against itself
Artist running faucets of stealth
Hiding behind words
And guitar chords

She doesn't understand what I am.

A dove with a heavy heart
singing in my mind
Flying for a shelter of like-minded doves.

An addict to anyone who loves
Caring to much to touch
Love that comes unbound
All too quick and all too much

Oh how beautiful
To see impermanence in us
Ourselves and others fall apart

Oh how suitable
To see thus changes in disgust
Lying uncomfortably in the heart

We dread and disgrace
Ourselves and society
Opposite of Bohemian Art

Golden curly q's
Large christmas sweater
The boots for winter
Smile gives me goosebumps
You're cuter than ever

Fleeting passions pass us by
Short lived elation controls lives
Soul taxation has made its presence
              Virtue of patience is lost
In the nation of obsolescence

Paradoxical Contradiction
Left-Handed Asphyxiation
Logical Degradation
Clerical Dehydration
Inundated with Unintended Information


Silently Yelling about naive importance

It's not about the collective
or about you and I
None of this is subjective
Sorrow is like smoking
But at least it's protective
so I begin looking
for a place to protect me
I'm falling down.. tumbling again
tumbling all over you again...
Does my heartfelt silence
make you frustrated
in the same way your
indecisiveness makes me agitated?
I am blue
suffocating from
a lack of you.
So if anyone
makes me feel true
in my moments of gloom
I will cherish that fool.

Your vibrant smile
laughing like child's
play heartfelt, mild
and something wild

Police sirens up and down the street
Broken window glass hitting concrete
              relieving a robbers itch
Crackheads by the Circle K yelling 'bout their fix
  While homeless lay drunk in a ditch
Another dead body in the canal
A gang rivalary renewed now
              Gunshot sounds drown out
Police sirens up and down the street
Broken window glass hitting concrete
Among the sizzling Phoenix heat

It's tough
When global corporations rapidly advance thier claims to **** our mother

It's unexpected
When the purpose of human evolution over Earth's time
          Security of life
          Understanding of ecology
          The means to a comfortable human existence

Is ignored in mass

And realization of self is shrugged off as part of a economic equation.

Are lives not more of meaning than numbers?

"Our lives are of more meaning than numbers"

Binary doesn't not express emotion.

Scientific method does not account for irrationality of man

Ecology isn't the process of resource accumulation with limited and high priced

Seperated and suffering humanity wrecks the heart of all

Rampant deforestation and ozone depletion squeeze the air out of all lungs

Genetic alteration of earthly material rips the ground upon which we all stand

It is within reason
That humans are only clever in regards to themselves

Always pulling the same lever expecting different results.

It is within reason
That we have an innate self interest and greed that generates only more of the same

Continually following the easiest path day after day

Jumping down the rabbit hole of insanity is supposed to lead the fathomed happiness that capital can claim.

In the rush to the rabbit hole and its great technological and economic advancements humanity is more divided.

It has always been divded.

Greed and envy preceded structure
Hate and lust preceded technology

More equations and technology will never fix such fundamental human problems.

Only we can do that.

Everything keeps on piling up
I don't know how to stack it
I wish our bodies were filed up
Lying beneath a blanket
I miss you but,
Im finding myself in transit

Im hooked on you and I
but I want to say goodbye
to this thought now memory
to your lows and highs
to the taste of your savory
lips and I cant
I cant
so I sigh

Theres too much for us to experience
You can ground my firey trance
and Ill burn your memories that ever last

My heart will forever burn
Your heart will forever yearn
for the past
You and I will last
in dreams of our enpass

A tongue misplaced in heart
Kissing the wrong scars
              From the start

Scars not visibly marked
Rather emotionally arched
             Through Personality

Hurry beautiful tongue
              Swiftly Dart
Catch these scars
Create them into art

Slipping through the cracks
Melting into puddles
Drip drab dribbling down
Inbetween and runny sides
Egg yolk brains being fried
Long thoughts shorten
Shortening thrown in eyes
Swinging wildly and blind
Borrow some eyes
If you dont mind
Drib drap dribbly
Slippery in the cracks
Of these dusty sidewalks

Its been hard to write
My tongues' tied tight
My thoughts lay light
I cant dive deep in my thoughts
Or I could drown tonight
The water in my lungs
Is filling up my eyes  
The songs I've sung
Arent doing me right

"I've been living lies." I say

The therpist replies

"What do you mean, are you alright?"

"No, if he ever came into my sight.
I wouldnt just fight him
I think I might shot him in the thigh
Throw away his perverted crack high,
Ask him if hes a fine. If he replies, continue to shot him until he isnt alive."


Thought         
                  The gunshots loud
        I pout thinking about what he  
                  did to his son and I
Some things I could never say aloud
End Thought

"Woah, how come you hate him?"

"Because he shaped my life then
.... until now."

I hate that you dont respond
so distant but you still ******
my emotions when youre out
and about, loving everyone

I wrote a poem about her,
but a story about you
and I know its wrong
so I feel so cruel, but if its true
and if its meant to be
it will happen when the sky shines blue
and the moon glows through the overcast
so I will never again cast my heart into a
blue moon until a fish is ready for food

Shrouded in de-personalization
Calm as cloudy night

Galaxy wrapped corpse
Sprinkled with stardust

Inside
           Black holes beseech
           Past souls
     For their essence
           Empty voids swallow
           Blistering asteroids

Outside
   Calm as a cloudy night

Inside
   Death encapsulates everything in sight

dragging around a corpse
what's the purpose
to be like a porpoise
a blowhole to exhale
a mammal that failed to walk on land
a sponge to learn through osmosis
to be like coral
colorful and floral
with no morals but to be selfish and keep myself safe
to protect this landlocked corpse with no guidance, no purpose
but to use my blowhole orifice
cause im just a porpoise
MY MIND CANT SORT THIS

No sleep and im losing my mind
cause of this court case. Who let a dolphin in the courtroom
The Judge is a Lion Seal and he is jealous Im not endangered
the signatures are fudged and mister whale is angered
cause us mammals failed to walk on land
and the witnesses failed to take the stand
failed to say what was planned, bribed and now the orca is in the can.
Imprisioned by Seaworld for being a better porpoise with purpose
leaving us a trail of corpses floating along

Wake up in the morning
Pancakes for breakfast
Your lips are the syrup
The rain is pouring
Not inside our homestead
We're in no hurry
    to rush to work
    turn in a timesheet
    for the coffee to perc
Çause we're drinking tea
and watching the sunrise

I go on Facebook
And see all the horribleness of this world
Misery really does love company

I feel like an idiot
I always feel like an idiot

I try to love
Just to see others love deeper

I try to understand
Just to see others understand more

I try to create
Only to find Im not creative

The only thing I got going for me
Is nothing at all.

I fail at everything I do
I always make people run away

I dont belong in this world
and I never have.

I need to focus and really bear down on the things I love
I exert too much energy and concentration in too many places

I dont know where Im going or who I want to be
and I realize neither does anyone else

I think that Im slightly insane and that I have a preoccupation with ***.

I think I should stop loving but I really cant help it.

I love love.

I hate love.

I always end up making my loved ones feel bad in some way.
I always end up ******* up and I just want the ones around me to be happy.

I always do the same stupid **** and never get anything done.

I am a boy becoming a man but I think I would rather still be a child.
I probably have done too many drugs.

I hide a lot beneath the facades of my own personality.
I try to read a lot but I never finish a book.

I try to paint but I never finish a painting.

I try to have a life but I never actually live.

I try to be something that cant be in this world.
I try to have a complete and total understanding of everything around. I want to know everything that there is to know. But I know its impossible.

The only things I know are impossibilities. Like happiness through freedom, because their is always something chaining me down. Like love, because there is always too many emotions with other people and the love gets clouded. Eventually pushed out.  

I am more of an empty hollow shell than people know. I feel my emptiness with garbage and turn it into a realization about the world. Sometimes I clean out my hollow shell, and fill it with beautiful things that I've forgotten about. Only to see those beautiful fragments of memory become sinister with time. Only to see past the veil of happiness I thought I carried with me in early life to see that I was really just lying.

I am a great actor from an emotional distance.

But I am a terrible actor once you know me.

I know I will do "great" things in this life.

If I dont **** myself first.

Sometimes I wish I had a child so I had a sole purpose for my soul. But I would probably hate them for taking my self-expression away.

I am calm, cool and collected but inside I am thriving with thoughts that I dive into. Some thoughts in the deep parts of my psyche. I hollow the thoughts out, and try to sort the bad from the good only to spill them in an unprecedented manner. So, I scoop up the parts and throw them away like the inside of a pumpkin right before halloween. My spirit is like one of the ghosts youll see that night. Just a sheet with some holes in it. Just a man pretending to be something that doesnt belong in this world.

I have problems with attachment and trying to love.

I tripped yesterday and had one thought that kinda ****** with me.
It wasnt you ******* with me. It was me ******* with me.

Its always inside my own head, but the people around me think that its them.

Thats the thing that really hurts me... me... I hurt me. And the people around me always think that its them.

They think that its them... Its not. Dont run away.

Fuckk... I have problems with attachment. Ill run away if you dont because the things I want in life are an impossibility. They are just grim fantasy realities that media has ingrained into my life. I am a product of a broken society but we are so many in number.. that not enough people will hear my last breath to take our own demise seriously. I yearn to stick a needle in my arm or to pop a pill that will allow me to be me.

"You are already who you are, embrace it"

**** that. I am not the impossibilities I dream about.

.... I know I can get to that point in another way but the path is difficult and in terrible condition. I have a lot of work to do before I can embrace it. If I embrace it now, Ill be back to the logical, cold-hearted, un-caring person I was before. Before the power of love mystified my universe and made me see so much beauty. Im stuck in between this world and the next and I dont know what to make of it. I dont really belong anywhere with anything.

Someday I hope to expand on this feelings. With a story behind it. With my life of impossible realities expressed to people who understand it, because so many of these impossible realities of myself are shared with others who want to embrace the same impossibility.

So if your reading this.. You can probably tell I'm drunk and lonely
I don't know if you know, but the reason I keep writing was because of you
The reason I kept breathing was because of the way you spoke

You're calming cadence in your voice spoke to my uneasy soul
That has always been shaken but never stirred
Yet you asked me if our kiss wouldn't mean a thing
and I thought that it would not
I was used to people caring
but when someone did not
I released all of my love
... and now I realize that it was my mistake
to live the way I have my entire life
now I'm not sure how to fix it

You're still drowning but now so am I
but perhaps their is a chance for us
to doggie-paddle our way to safety

Ever since that ****** up night
Im not sure If I've gotten worse
Or If I've gotten better
But I know that It'll be alright
because i was sworn with a curse
If I will let her in between my sheets
she will stick around in my head
and be the ringing in my ears
that will stick around for years
So that's what I did cause
I needed her here
I guess you could say
She was the best drug
And I've ****** with yay
and I've ****** with H
and you can **** with me
but if you **** my friends
when they say no
I will **** up your nose
sternum, and existence in whole
So just get away and
move back to from where you came
I don't think I can stop shaking in anger
when you walk this way
So when this song will say
*******, **** your family
It speaks for me and you can tell
so keep your head down
and keep on frowning when I look at you
Cause ever since that ****** up night
Im not sure if Ive gotten worse
Or if Im getting better
but you can be ******* sure
if you ever do something like that again
Youll be in severed into peices
and my floor will be wetter with
your blood than it has been with
alcohol
She was the best drug ever
but defending her by killing you
might be the best high Ill never have.... unfortunately

Has your ice hardened or am I still breaking through
Warm the ice up, let in some truth
He will never be there for you like I
And you could move away for proof
I'll still be on you like hot on soup

Oh Aquarian
Have a gander
The moon's asleep
Her cloud blankets
Block out the light

Soft to the skin
Wet black air
Lessons, Questions,
Answers, Pensions
Rise and sink with
The puddles on the street

Reflections in the water
Are always shifting
Clarity equals deceit
A puddle cant be
Placid when it rains

A drop here or
There may be fate
Aquarian lets all in so
The puddle grows

Streetlights off, Sunlight on
Every drop is free
But the Aquarian weeps
He cannot see his puddle
Sun and evaporation
A puddle cease to be
Now, Aquarian's mind
Is not so soggy

A star-cluster on the outskirts of time
We search for words that'll find
Diamonds positioned in eyes
                    That'll make stars align

Those words with which we toyed
             Try to fill the void
Between those stars and ours

A whole universe lays beneath
A coy smile or sigh
A whole universe Id like to gaze into tonight

My friend wears a head dress  
Hijab fabric soft and delicate

She took it off in distress
Odd fabricate cracks in us

Societal systems, suicidal schisms

Golden rules thrown out  
Hate loud and cussed in shouts      

Or short quiet words said a foot away at a gaspump
threats made okay because you voted for trump

Across an angry mob, lauds praise for Clinton
Turned over cop cars, fires from the ignition
Spread over the masses in blue party indignation
Say they're free from blame, they lost the election

Treat others like less then pennies
Cause their political party is yours enemies
Or cause their skin isn't one of these ... White, White or White

The action is abhorrent, flagrant. None of this is alright

War hate blend brewing its familiar fragrance
Prideful with an aroma of allegiance

Joyed lungs heave
Against a white floral wall

with high-cheeked, obtuse, blushes

Lips puff glee, huff scent
Hover with lust, such as is

common, yet so, uncommon.

Electric touches
induce connection with her

chakra shared love enchantment

We're a set of clothes with no bodies
Cause schools brainwashed
           loves trampled us
           six feet under with
           with our hearts and minds
           turned to dust
           parents lied and educators ****
           unable to teach us real-life skills
           like love is tough
           so we're still
Living for paychecks
            for those who feel like us,
A set of clothes with no bodies
Maybe we can remember we have souls  
            and not our remedial schools, undying loves, deceitful parents, and bi-weekly paychecks
Can take that away from us.

Over the past year,
I lost some of my hope for humanity
And my love for the world.

I tired to stop caring.
But I couldn't nor would I
Yet I could for a small while

I felt I was heading towards insanity.
Just another brick in the wall. Another tile on the floor.

All around me, zombies i saw. So scared.. so ******* scared of the future forever more.

...

But I feel alive again for the first time in months.

The darkness of the world while your spirituality blooms is as uncomfortable as large summer moths by your bed side.

Perilous involvement with a tattooed serpent
Her tongue moved how it shouldn't
Split in half with vapid, rapid movement
Her bite paralyzed me
All my muscles seized
Then she left alive in the back of a hearse
Magic like the smoke on her lips when it dispearsed
Guess you could call her a curse
Had me immersed in every thought and ideal of hers

My life is turning upside down
Spinning 1000mph around and around
Throwing up my guts and secrets
What's inside has come out
A 5 year old me screams and shouts
Trade one for another, teeth grit, I get lit
Abuse for abuse so I say **** ****
But when I'm all alone and sober
All I can do is pout nd cry
I can't get any of it out of my mind.
Keep up with me as my nose fills with lines.
I fill the the lines or this paper with the horror of my life time