I've never been selfish
Until I met you
You were mine
And I wanted you to be all mine
And when you left
All I could think about
Was how I felt
How I...
Me
Everything was about me
But now
I can honestly
Step back and look at the whole picture
And it's getting clearer
Took long enough
But it's not such a fuzzy blur anymore
And I've learned to accept that you are not mine anymore
And that you have a whole other life now
And I've learned to be happy for you
And I see now that I can't be selfish
I was the one ruining the process
I was getting in my own way
But I see it now
I see what you were trying to do
I see you with her
And I'm not mad
I don't feel anything
I'm just happy that you're happy
And I'm glad I finally found you in person to talk
I feel like we ended on a good note
No grudges
And I can honestly say
I feel better
I mean
We all get selfish
But you eventually have to open your eyes and see the full picture
What's better for everyone
It's hard
You get all caught up in how you feel because its right there in front of you
You're witnessing your own emotion right when they happen
You can't feel other people's emotions
So that thought comes second
And I'm sorry I made it so ******* you
I really am
I understand everything now
And if I could go back
I'd make it easier on you
I would
I'd try really hard not to be selfish
But lesson learned
And hopefully I can use my knowledge in the future
What's knowledge if you don't use it?

It's 2:52 AM.
What are you doing?
Are you fast asleep,
lying with your lover,
getting smashed,
getting high,
thinking of thoughts that don't seem to arise during a decent hour?

It's 2:53 AM.
I am exhausted,
burnt out,
spent.

It's 2:54 AM.
I am alone,
in my bed,
with my Christmas lights on,
and thoughts bouncing from corner to tired corner of my mind.

It's 2:55 AM,
I am thinking,
I am wishing,
I am hoping,
That I pass my final exam in five hours.

What do you do when you're left alone?
Do you sit quietly in your room,
and phone your mom at home?

What do you do when your friends go away?
Do you make up imaginary ones,
and will them to stay?

What do you do when no one is there?
Do you talk to yourself about your worries,
and wonder if anyone would care?

What do you do when when nothing makes sense?
Do you coat uncertainty in a handsome man,
and let him take off your dress?

What do you do when you've lost control?
Do you drown in *****,
and take that special pill to roll?

What do you do when you're so **** frustrated?
Do you roll a fatty,
and get hella faded?

How do you deal with it all?
What do you do?
If you figure it out, please give me a call.

Her daddy once told her that just trying her best was enough,
She shook her head and said, "Everything is just so tough."

Her momma once told her she could be anything she dreamed.
She rolled her eyes and said, "That world is make-believe."

Her best friend once told her she was the greatest companion she had.
She scoffed and said, "If that's true, it's pretty bad."

A boy once told her she was the prettiest girl he ever saw.
She smiled and blushed, but said, "That's not true at all."

She didn't see it - all her potential.
All she saw were eyes that were fearful.
She didn't see it - all the love they had for her.
All she saw was a mental sickness with no cure.
She didn't see it - all the life she still had to live.
So across her wrist, that shiny blade slid.

Red, sticky red,
It laced through her fingers,
staining her t-shirt,
but not releasing her demons.

Red, sticky red,
It let her down,
dripping onto the tile,
but no release was found.

After realizing the mistake she just made,
she bandaged up her wrist and got on with the day.
Her daddy and momma, they asked no questions,
oblivious of their sweet little girl's deadly intentions.

We the transforming people stay up
   too late on this and that;
   we'll take just one,
   we have a plan
   this is how it works

But then we change our minds
   like we knew we would,
   take the just one more and
   go go go out of the late nights
    and out into the glaring sun

And then again and again,
   wake up and ache,
   our muscles reminding us
   we have to let them
   breathe slow sometimes

Thinned out, when we eat
   we find that we've forgotten how
   and we've forgotten how to feel
   the taste of genius without sweet
    running down our throats and we've
      forgotten how to stay
stagnant, s t i l l.

26 angels have arrived for orientation
Taken from the world without hesitation
Heaven is a little more crowded:
There’s a place already prepared
At least tonight those who’ve passed,
Will rest in God’s care

Buried under heartbreak, Newtown still stands
Worlds changed, for this kid and the next
“Kids, 2 +2 is…” BANG -
Children were unable to protect,
Themselves or their friends

Gunshots filled the air
Instead of love that should be there

Flags at half-staff, leave us half-hearted
Soo many, like too many,
Will spend their Christmas
With families torn apart
And no New Years resolution
Can make up for the inhuman execution

May we ever look to love unconditionally.