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Z Jan 2016
We drove in no real direction
on a bitter night in late January.
Me in the passenger seat,
him at the wheel.

"You can say anything to me,"
he said,
as I cried softly in my dark
corner of the car.

"I'm feeling anxious about our relationship,"
I whispered,
exhaling words that only knew the insecurities
of my idle mind.

"How so?"
he wondered,
now sounding a bit anxious himself,
pressing down heavier on the pedal.

I worry we will grow  a  p  a  r  t,
not together, as time passes,
because we won't be ready for the same things
at the same time,
and I will become impatient as I wait
for you to do your living and growing.

I shrink into my corner,
feeling too vulnerable.
More tears warm my cheeks,
as I fail to steady my trembling breath.

"I wish I met you later."
A confession I never heard before,
but in hearing now,
felt I always knew was there.

We just kept driving,
away from, and towards,
our uncomfortable truth: We are, and always will be, in different places,
at the same time.
Z Feb 2014
You might send me flowers,
I might let them die.
This is not a poem,
Valentines day,
Z Feb 2014
I push, you pull -
You want more than I can give.
Slow down -
It hurts.

My head is a mess.

I love, you like -
But I cannot pretend.
Just stop -
It hurts.

My heart is a wreck.

I try, you walk -
And I want more than you can give.
Speed up -
It hurts.

My love,
Z Feb 2014
Slowly, we fade away
into something dim,
but shimmering -
a galaxy of hope,
a black hole of fear -
darkness or light,
it is all the same,
without you
Z Feb 2014
You make me feel the way
all the ones before you did.
Scared, like a fool.
I trusted you
with a piece of me,
and you took it and ran -
not away,
but you didn't stay

Where do you go
when you disappear,
when my phone doesn't illuminate with
"I'm here," and "I miss you"?

What do you do
when I'm not close by,
when I'm on the East Coast and you're in Misery?

What do you feel
when you're not touching me?

You make me insane,
a wreck,
someone that I don't

Hold my hand soon,
so I can remember who
I am.

So I can remember who
I am.

So I can remember who
I am.

So I can forget who
I've become
in your absence.
Z Feb 2014
"I can't, I have a girlfriend. I'm sorry."
But I pushed him against the brick wall
and I kissed him,
and he kissed me back.

We got our ears pierced together
that warm southern Fall night,
in the city of Mardi Gras beads
and mistakes.

"Let's pretend we just got married."
And I agreed, for the free drinks,
of course.
But I wanted so much more.

We packed up the rental car and drove
three hours to freedom,
ready to hit Bourbon with no expectations,
only free spirits.

And he was not a mistake.
Z May 2013
I don't want to read love poems
and I don't want to listen to love songs
because they're all about you,
and, with every stanza,
with every chorus,
my heart breaks
a little more.
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