I looked into the silver streak breath of life
stared into the mirror
I licked aromatic flesh
Pressed heads against the biggest of eyes
I sit upon Mother Earths own waterfall
And
I
C
R
Y

I go forward,
I sometimes choose backwards,
The flow of movement,
The decorated change of thought
Mixing colors with words,
I choose my own way
My own smile comes about

A single breathe,
A hot bath
And a bowl of chicken noodle soup
What else,
Oh
A ******* full of soul

Jumpin green
In between outta sight
Can’t see me but I see you
Perched on my Lilly, my voice distinct
Jumpin green
And not to far in between
My jump precise ,
My vision clear
I am jumpin green and not far between

Roof overhead, coffee brews.
Bed is comfy and
the yard is big
No job, a criminal record is a wall
No car , walking alone
Mind rumination
No contacts accept non palpable cyberspace
Mental illness a life long critter of mine.
In the midst of fear and anger

I feel alone and alone I have created

A smile cracked,
The sunshine simmered a grin on me
Long long days it’s been,
Med switch
What am I bipolar unipolar
A unicycle a motorcycle
Sam I am how bout  
I am a mere human with many shifts in
Energy
I think I want to just go to a hospital
And rid all these meds out of my body
And start anew before springtime hits
Peace all
Let’s rock and write

Lips gleam
Buses scream through the dirt roads
Sirens
Long legs
Tight skirts
And all the glory in between
The clocked turned 6 and my night shift had ended
Lunch is for dinner
And the streets continue their roundabout rush
As survival is the same from the house or from the night protection of a solar eclipse

A month ago
Fluid inspirational being,
Med switch mental darkness again clamps in
agitation, adrenaline pumps through veins
Med switch, soul switch
In the blink of an eye a plea for help
A switch in he alchemists bad
The almighty psychiatrist wrong
Yet again with the med dart board throwing
Foiled yet again as stability held me up strong
In one month
In one month
I seemed to have lost my soul
Yet again
The dull shovel
Of mine after many a deep dig out of this
Empty shell of acute depression
Begins its arduous work of bring me light
Manic depression as Jimi Hendrix  guitar strung it
Soulfully on the head
Is indeed a frustrating mess

In the funk,
Melancholy drips its hollow shell
I dig deep inside my mattress
I stay fearful yet only comfortable within
My best friend the heavy blanket
Wet from my tears,
Hankering down been here gone through without a scratch
Just the continuing fear of the scratch in my mind

A notch on the belt a stir of the
wicked soup
Trouble in paradise as the highs hit the lows and
The diagnosis is indeed correct
Doctor can you help now
For I truly know you are correct
There’s no keel of evenness
My wings have been melted by my own imbalance
And the hole is too deep for me to wiggle out of

I sit
Empty walls and the birds flap outside
I sit
And watch the rabbits mate
I sit
And I see the brick path leading outside
I sit
Living in the past

Soul
My soul has been cheerfut since the magic pill
A month later I visited the renound  psychiatrist
He drearily informed me what I had been taking
Was indeed a sugar pill
I walked out completely outraged
My soul returned
Back to the black hole
I am dreadfully disappointed there is no pill to relieve
Me except for that magic sugar pill

Pitter Patter
and a thump in the night
Alone I crumble
Alone I fight with the mirror
Pitter Patter
I desire your silk
I desire your comfort
I pour your evil but charming ways
I am sick again

Life *****,
**** rots,
That's the way the cookie crumbles
Bake a ****** cake
You get what you get don't throw s fit
Crumbling life
Rocks in my soul
As I crush another muy bueno
Pseudo smile
Onto the shiny thoroughly cleaned mirror

Return to sender,
Smile it's not yours anymore,
Blackened past
Disruptive pause in life,
Return to sender
I will return ,
I will pick myself up once again
Disruptive pause in life,
I am the sender and I am the receiver
Let myself turn the button back to play
For the pause has been stuck for way to long
Pause play pause play,
Return to sender
Play pause play pause and play once again
Thank you life thank you me

Empty treasures,
Two,paths unveiling each other at the same time,
Doors and curtains smoke and mirrors
What am I really seeing
What am I missing
This key doesn't unlock this door
And this door doesn't lock this key
My journey in life
Opening and locking the same door
With the same keyhole at the same time
By the way dude I love your sister
And the keyhole to her lock is in my pocket
The door swings side and open and shut at the same time
While the keyhole never needs to be locked
Cheers buddy

Where am I,
Where,did the food come,from
Why am I clean
Don't li,emthis place
Outside is my home

Embossed
On the return
Lipstick washed
Step through the door
Where you been
Outside
Yea outside
Inside it's cold
Outside feels better
Time to find another place

We all got somethin
Parallel tranquility
Within us all must be
a nod of respect
With the upmost humanitarian
and good will
With a knowing certainty that each one of
us
is enduring our own suffering through this
life we all live
Health and happiness to all of you good people
Please spread this simple message to another and so on and
So forth as it must be spread throughout the world
Be kind to  one another
For we all have some kind of
unique **** we are facing
We are all in this together

On top of the world
A day old biscuit , A fat sliced piece of bacon
On top of the world
Smiling as I walk down the black and blue alley
On top of the world
Not a penny in my pocket
On top of the world
A smile
I am free

Smooth lips
Stockings tight
Lustful nummies in the women's restroom
Lights
Chocolate pudding kisses
Cream
Upside down Pineapple Express
Wax
Melting
Hard
Hard
Sinful lust
Let it out

Meds, cabinet heavy
Reflections in the ever changing mirror
I don't know
Answers are done
I've let go
I've smiled I've cried in the same breath
One lasting impression before I go
I'm a human being of value
Caring for each and every one of you

Divorce,
Mommy gets it all,
Dads stuck.
Mommy gets it all,
Regardless of the new movement,
Women to be treated equal to men in the workforce
Dads stuck
Mommy gets it all
Court system skewed
Dads lose job
Dads wheels just spinning in the mud
Mommy gets it all
Women have the baby
Men watch the children the majority of time
Mommy gets it all
Women have the baby
Mommy gets it all

In the box,wrapped up tight
Gasping for pure air knees to my chest
Labeled to be shipped out
Paperwork filed, we know what he is
I am the label they gave ,e
That's all I am supposed to be
A nicely wrapped box with a label on it
Return to sender please
I know more
I am more
Than a quick observation
I am more than a  black and white label

I stumbled onto my demons yesterday
I told them to *******
I am now living my life freely
My secrets are yours
My fear
Gone
******* demons
I have no more time
I want to leave this institution
No more meds or labels
I am uniquely me
As you are,uniquely you
Hi demons
*******
Hi world it's me

Alone, pacing
Wandering mimd spinning the same tracks on a continuous groove
Stuck in the middle of nowhere land
I've visited here many times before in my trails
Medications meditations misguided and maladjusted
Been up down and over and out
Bipolar a rude disorder
White knuckling despair
Craving breath and the laughter of others
alone ,
Thoughts
Darkness with the sun shining on my skin
Wrinkles forming as the bumps of life
Stick firmly to my face
Alone pacing
I'm stuck

Peace,
Angered by the little things that spin about through my head
Peace
plump lips caress my skin
abrupt seduction flies in the moonlight
peace and anger live together
accept both

Can't help it ,
Can I , confusion saddles my mind,
Lovers ,soul friends , family can only do so much
Stuck in sloppy mud,
Tires spinning,
Over and over,
Can't help it,
Can I?
Thoughts spinning in the mud .
Tired tires,
Please come to me love,
It's been quite a journey

Embrace
Emotionally let it flow
Sexually your wildest desires must be satisfied
Friendship is life
Freedom for all
Let it go let it flow
Embrace life

Understood,
Physical, Mental illness soul piercing Malicious pain
Consistent worry for my welfare Buzzes my ruminating mind
Pathetic worry about my welfare
The respect I deserve
Strong as wounded soldier I stand upright and proud
Your worry of my well being
An ill disrespect of what I have been through
Survivor and one strong human being of value
Plagued by illness physical, mental I always make it through it

Don't down play my strength, it won't do
No Pity

My bones ache my soul is crushedi
All alone my thoughts my eyes red
All slone I  sit
All alone I try to find the blackened light
Can anyday jere me
The razors edge
The mystique of  a Lost wondered
I ponder
All alone
What would it be like to be with another
I sit here alone sith my my ruminating thoughts
The slick sharp razors edge
What would it be like
As I  sit here a broken man
A glimmering Ray of  my
Of my blackened self
Just is trying to find a light switch
My bones ache and my soul is cdussjdd
All alone
And justI sit
Sitting and wating
As the snail moves,slowly across the razors edge
Im just TIRED

Hot wax eating into your skin
Pain pleasure as we run through the mystical grass
Lips moist I run my finger across slowly
Legs hot
Thoughts of *******
Thoughts of sweet caress
I want more
I want more
Ropes unbound
Your freedom is felt
The candle dances as the wax slowly drips
You  glide savagely
I am yours as you are mine
As we melt umder the all knowing bliss under the watchful eye of the full moon

My granny is dying,
Wow plasmatic  skies ignite,
Anger into revolt as my tears melt into hers
What a grand woman
Poor imdeed, heart of gold
Determined eyes of steel purpose unleashed as a brothel of bubbly love
Where and who are,you
Step off  the dirt my Granny will soon be in the small plot is only a memory for all who loved
Step off my grann's plot for I will punish thee with a fury not witnessed by you and that im sure
Step of mother ******* my tears are for me and my granny

Insipid spiders
Maddening geometric traps
My love for you is simple
A new geometric fire built with logs I created
Under the stars we sleep
Free from the insipid spiders and geometric traps
Pure natureis free breathing love
Skin warm,fire dwindling
Under the stars we create our own star plate
Freedom in fresh wilderness
Far away from societal traps
My tongue slowly drips from the soft forbidden spot
We breathe together as nature intended it to be
Insipid Spiders go rest for now
I get my fly rod ready for the sweet Riverflow on days next adventure .

Lost in space,is it day or night
Insipid meds driving me into a moon filled submission
I saw the owl today during daylight
He comes to me menacing but guiding still not done with my spiritual quest
Now not about love misery process misery of unbridled destiny
Now about meltimg walks undescribable realizations about me
No one else is alloed at this festival of mental instability .
I need help
I am ill do what
I accept and that's it
The end
Will the owl ever present me with my true answers to positive health
And my now lost funny contented grin

Done with tiny masquerade parties
Accepting sweet passionatecandlesbeimg briskly blown away
Unacceptable timetables of perfection predictability
Immense knowledge must be withered away in the ******* like forest
We all must understand each other to begin to give pure unadulterated ever quenching water back to our MOTHER EARTH
Trumps a fkr

What and Whocame around that one day

Don't remember
Exact memories what and who said that
Whatever happened to the real me
**** I don't know
Memories lost and episodes of massive im er shift quaked me
What and who did happen
Reality did strike
Lightning did happen
What and who hid for along time
Im finding out
That's,my own heroes journey
Find what and who in your own life
**** matters I matter
What and who said thatt
Matters
Mimd shakes and quakes
Lightning  did happen
What and who
**** matters
Im gonna find out

Blue womderful pain cuddles me
I made it so
I returned the magic beans to the stalk
I figured it out
The blue womderful pain cuddles me
I want it all
I want sensual bodies meltimg within me
We all feel pain
How do you deal with it
The blue womderful pain cuddles me
And I cuddle it back
I figured it out
Just for this moment
The sensual bodies melt within me
Just for this moment
Caress it and live it
Remember it all
And the door opens and the nurse visits me with a smile and asks hermso familiar questions
Just for this moment
LIVE

Diagnosed and frightened ,
Yea im a recovering addict I sdmit it
One year plus if you care to count days I dont
What matters is mindfully being here in this moment
I grasp it it
I have mental health issues as well I accept it
But my latest diagnosis Trigeminal Neurolgia just too much
Not going to give up or surrender just another pile of shot added,to me
I will survive I will continue being sober
I am whing about this I get it
This isn't even a,poem so what
It's me and it's real and I just need,to get it out
What is truly real is this moment
Please ne mindful of this moment becUse it is all we truly ever have and all moments add up to a day a week a year a,life
Relish it live it be,present with it
Whether it be pain happiness or love or hate
My pain from my new diagnoses is hurtful new Meds help but sometimes through all of this I just want to know the base root cause of it all
That's it and enjoy the moment accept the pain the happiness the fear don't resist accept and move on otherwise it may consume you

Pretty words painted to,souls,of mass production
Warm colors ignite the keyhole of secret exploding secrets,left behind the locked,doors
Guck that
**** rhyming to and melting words to produce something special to the poets themselves something so important that they selves think it's truly a masterpiece
**** that
Pain is pain
It burns different colors at different times
I want the truth
The bottom line not painted in pretty positive picture as it still sits behind the secret locked doors of secrets
I want to know
Bottom line
**** it,
Just want the truth
Plain and simple words will do

Sweet tears drop signs
emotions corrupt a hot lovely day
short skirt washed away as the waves speak of hypnotizing solitude
Lips plumped and embodies sin
Forever it seems our skin is blushing
Torn around
Washed up in fiery sin
Yummy lips andI edible skin
Merry Christmas Brianna that dive bar was mindfully exquisite!

Well constructed visionary cries for help are not for you
My worn out wrinkles are not for you
I lost you I don't want my words to ever find your shadow
I found me and my words that I construct are for me
When the blood stained rooster awakes me in my nightmare
I mean to say that all the nonsense that I have written down might only make a bit of sense and a sack full of seeds to myself
So me myself and I can feel my words and my phrases
In their purest numbing extraction
These words are not for you

Im here but things are dead
Used to be life now quiet desperation is not words spoken
I feel it in the gasping air
Why
Everything used to be alive
an animated sunset with everyone clambering about
Now
quiet desperation as my soul looks upon
Me as I look upon you
Everything is quiet
Quiet desperation that surrounds this
As this used to be my house but now a tear drop
Down my cheek and it washes away any memory of freedom
My memories of this my house now standing still in the shadows
Why
My house
Why is this my house now
My life now
Quiet and silent
Why
how I miss my old house

Who is this strange being on the screen who are these strangets from a strange land
I just arrived and I must confess what a terrible place to inhabit,
Fear and selfishness seems to be their center.
Why must I stay
Why must I stay

Im feeling giggly and I am alone.
What a wonderful world
Not having to grip onto something so firmly to fill the darkened cavern
A simple reconstruction, welding my synapses as the Sparks fly around the void
Im feeling giggly inside and I am alone and Im alive
I hold the door open as the people rush to escape yet another door
And a good day to you sir.

I can't flee,
I can't hide
I am here world
This day, this choice, this moment.
The freedom of a pure warm centered thought,
and the cold steel bars that I ponder through.

The jaws of death, the uncontrollable moment of being alive
One second
The course you choose will forever determine your fate
The jaws of death repeatedly knock upon me every moment of a given day
Resistance is futile however the space and energy to flow within is boundless
I wear the croc tooth around my neck
Around my space and hope to give it to you someday

Say something ,
I can't see you I can't hear you
Open up conduct your own flow
Clear communication coordinates concise connections
Be yourself, im here ,your there
Talk
Say something , it's important
Conduct your own flow
You matter , I just want to know

Say it ain't so
Underneath and balled up under the cold steel table.
Eyes closed heart wide open
Wisemimd is vanished
My eyes dim
Say it ain't so
All my underlying and overseeing foundations vanished
Say it ain't so
I can and do
The warm glow of my true self never leaves
Centered and here I crawl out from underneath the steel table
Grinning and exhausted
Make the right choices for yourself

Smile it has arrived at your doorstep,
A wide eyed surprise for your ever ending thirst
want want want
What happened , where are we
We as in us or is it just me and what I want
Look around , be brave
The doorstep can vanish in an instant
One hedonistic step down the immaculate staircase
One view as someone else's
I need a drink of water, I need just a bite
I truly just need you to be you
And for all of us to peel the layers of protection
After the painful peeling is processed, it is found that me is we
And I is you
I stooped up rushed down the immaculate staircase
Wide eyed I rushed to the door and saw a filthy sick homeless man
I sit here changed forever of what I truly need.