Diagnosed and frightened ,
Yea im a recovering addict I sdmit it
One year plus if you care to count days I dont
What matters is mindfully being here in this moment
I grasp it it
I have mental health issues as well I accept it
But my latest diagnosis Trigeminal Neurolgia just too much
Not going to give up or surrender just another pile of shot added,to me
I will survive I will continue being sober
I am whing about this I get it
This isn't even a,poem so what
It's me and it's real and I just need,to get it out
What is truly real is this moment
Please ne mindful of this moment becUse it is all we truly ever have and all moments add up to a day a week a year a,life
Relish it live it be,present with it
Whether it be pain happiness or love or hate
My pain from my new diagnoses is hurtful new Meds help but sometimes through all of this I just want to know the base root cause of it all
That's it and enjoy the moment accept the pain the happiness the fear don't resist accept and move on otherwise it may consume you

Pretty words painted to,souls,of mass production
Warm colors ignite the keyhole of secret exploding secrets,left behind the locked,doors
Guck that
**** rhyming to and melting words to produce something special to the poets themselves something so important that they selves think it's truly a masterpiece
**** that
Pain is pain
It burns different colors at different times
I want the truth
The bottom line not painted in pretty positive picture as it still sits behind the secret locked doors of secrets
I want to know
Bottom line
**** it,
Just want the truth
Plain and simple words will do

Sweet tears drop signs
emotions corrupt a hot lovely day
short skirt washed away as the waves speak of hypnotizing solitude
Lips plumped and embodies sin
Forever it seems our skin is blushing
Torn around
Washed up in fiery sin
Yummy lips andI edible skin
Merry Christmas Brianna that dive bar was mindfully exquisite!

Well constructed visionary cries for help are not for you
My worn out wrinkles are not for you
I lost you I don't want my words to ever find your shadow
I found me and my words that I construct are for me
When the blood stained rooster awakes me in my nightmare
I mean to say that all the nonsense that I have written down might only make a bit of sense and a sack full of seeds to myself
So me myself and I can feel my words and my phrases
In their purest numbing extraction
These words are not for you

Im here but things are dead
Used to be life now quiet desperation is not words spoken
I feel it in the gasping air
Why
Everything used to be alive
an animated sunset with everyone clambering about
Now
quiet desperation as my soul looks upon
Me as I look upon you
Everything is quiet
Quiet desperation that surrounds this
As this used to be my house but now a tear drop
Down my cheek and it washes away any memory of freedom
My memories of this my house now standing still in the shadows
Why
My house
Why is this my house now
My life now
Quiet and silent
Why
how I miss my old house

Who is this strange being on the screen who are these strangets from a strange land
I just arrived and I must confess what a terrible place to inhabit,
Fear and selfishness seems to be their center.
Why must I stay
Why must I stay

Im feeling giggly and I am alone.
What a wonderful world
Not having to grip onto something so firmly to fill the darkened cavern
A simple reconstruction, welding my synapses as the Sparks fly around the void
Im feeling giggly inside and I am alone and Im alive
I hold the door open as the people rush to escape yet another door
And a good day to you sir.

I can't flee,
I can't hide
I am here world
This day, this choice, this moment.
The freedom of a pure warm centered thought,
and the cold steel bars that I ponder through.

The jaws of death, the uncontrollable moment of being alive
One second
The course you choose will forever determine your fate
The jaws of death repeatedly knock upon me every moment of a given day
Resistance is futile however the space and energy to flow within is boundless
I wear the croc tooth around my neck
Around my space and hope to give it to you someday

Say something ,
I can't see you I can't hear you
Open up conduct your own flow
Clear communication coordinates concise connections
Be yourself, im here ,your there
Talk
Say something , it's important
Conduct your own flow
You matter , I just want to know

Say it ain't so
Underneath and balled up under the cold steel table.
Eyes closed heart wide open
Wisemimd is vanished
My eyes dim
Say it ain't so
All my underlying and overseeing foundations vanished
Say it ain't so
I can and do
The warm glow of my true self never leaves
Centered and here I crawl out from underneath the steel table
Grinning and exhausted
Make the right choices for yourself

Smile it has arrived at your doorstep,
A wide eyed surprise for your ever ending thirst
want want want
What happened , where are we
We as in us or is it just me and what I want
Look around , be brave
The doorstep can vanish in an instant
One hedonistic step down the immaculate staircase
One view as someone else's
I need a drink of water, I need just a bite
I truly just need you to be you
And for all of us to peel the layers of protection
After the painful peeling is processed, it is found that me is we
And I is you
I stooped up rushed down the immaculate staircase
Wide eyed I rushed to the door and saw a filthy sick homeless man
I sit here changed forever of what I truly need.

Frantic suggestions squeeze my thoughts
My mind beginning to wonder
Sublime thoughts and sizzling memories
The waves of life and in it all is me
Im here hanging on
A speck in a dot in an everlasting ocean
Hello people
Is anyone really home

Pure clarifying
Simple truth
What inspires the insipid blocks of of the magical rivers majestic and true soul flow
How do we recapture the divine inspiration of the twinkle in a child with a natural and unfiltered  thought process
We must
All As
One,
Together ,
Our planet ,
Our House ,
Our only hope is ourselves and yet we all run away from it
Ourselves ,

Unafraid
Unfiltered
Pure
As we float down the natural flowing river with a genuine smile
Tomorrows a new day
With precious choices to make

Feel me
Touch the paper
Swallow the sounds that ruminate
Positive thoughts
Untamed inertia
Listen and breathe for me this one moment in time
Thank you my friend
In my time of dying this moment is
TRULY LIFE

Encapsulated by a drop of thirst
Falling for an outside view
Pummeled by an awe inspiring imagination
Thorough enough
Bold enough
Simple enough
Encapsulated by a drop of thirst
I sit and thus enters the maddening rush of the stars
withtheir own tale attached
I walk and the the light shimmers its known comforting smile
Let it Be
Bold enough
Simple enough
Thorough enough

Tag me tag you
Underneath the freshly spilled milk
and on top of the smooth soft skin
Impulsive behavior is gnawing at my curled toes
Escape into the illuminating shadows of the ever smiling carnies
One blast into utopia, one shivering since of a smiling soul
She leads me as I lead her into our feverish ritualistic desires
Onto the table and underneath the freshly spilled milk
My eyes twinkle , my body numb
Pure delight is heavenly
As I tag her she tags me

Shimmering beauty
Slow crisp waves reappear,
Time for coffee
Time for life
Time for shadows dancing on the wall
Im alive
Im dead
Im everything in between
Shimmering beauty
Slow crisp waves reappear
Out of my head and into the day
Im alive
Im grateful

Seemingly quiet
Inspirational rhetoric as the crowds come and fade away.
Lost souls, empty lighters and the clowns continue to their own bipolar destiny
All encompassing life too much
Simple short breaths treat me as mystical magic
Keeping jagged thoughts at bay from the desperate circling act
Pure delight
A good day indeed
A good moment absolute

Eyes slit, must sleep
Shadows laugh at the uninformed soul
Alone and accepting ,resistance is but a choice.
Out of my unkept mind and into the flow of life
A change a ,new breathe, a new life
Acceptance or resistance,
The natural flow of life or
The sharp Steel misery of resisting
The choice is mine
Loosening the tight leather straps
As I flow gently down the freedom river
My eyes slit , must sleep
My mind smiles with simple pure thoughts and away I go

Sit tight ,unwind the mind trap settles it's own scores.
Darkened shadows mixed with unfiltered light .
We begin the journey, we begin the fight with
balanced approaches from medicine filled souls.
Hold on tight for the new day has shown its manic face and
The cold steel rain is waiting to engulf itself upon thee.
The battle is but a battle and a smile is but a smile,
I for one choose the unfiltered viewpoint as I sit  on top of the
mountains edge.
Smiling, I remain unattached  knowing I will be victorious either way for this moment in time.

Inside the light,outside my cluttered door.
One guided step and the black hole is dissapating
The misery of my shadow finds new shine
A new day,a new moment,a simple spot of freedom outside myself.

Steel madness as you glaze and craft the bleak new moon.
Eyes cold into the darkness frozen to the engulfing bed.
Please whisper for the voices can be heard for miles .
All for one as the cold steel madness quenches our veins and sneaks away with our tearful soul