The warmth of nurturing women
has never left your reach.
So I am just another piece of the puzzle
Still left in the box.
I don’t frame the image,
And get easily overlooked.

The chills from my loneliness
is difficult to adapt to.
So I focused on your potential
and ignored your glitches.
I thought I was letting myself be loved
but I was letting pieces of myself go.  

My anger fuels my day
while pain lights up my night.
So I pick up the pieces you threw away
And begin to see the picture.
To dissect what was us
And find myself again.

I thought I was wasting time,
sending the wrong messages.
I blamed the medium,
to save your character.
Like the game of telephone,
where the words get twisted.
We let the (con)text pass on,
without it’s intent or meaning.
My empty desires,
achieved nothing.
Except its fill with emotions,
your senses couldn't comprehend.
I did send the correct message,
You just don’t know how to read.

My heart has always been in fragile pieces,
And you came in holding it gently.
It wasn’t what you expected,
And you walked out letting it crumble.

I tore your heart out,
And replaced it with mine.
Im sorry it isn't perfect,
And in sorry it’s damaged.

You gave me a chance to hope,
And I gave you my trust.
I hoped for you to hang on tight,
And together we can make it whole for you.

Before that can happen,
You have to accept its flaws.
You can’t resolve a problem,
Without seeing a issue first.

In the arena,
my physical appearance is no secret.
A five feet three mass of flesh,
with a genuine friendly smile.
An unkempt hairdo,
that matches my four-legged lover.

My self-consciousness and shame hides
in my blind spot.
The scary, ugly, yucky, clumsy,
long list of me.
Where I chose not to look,
but let it filter the empathic ones.

The hidden areas leave crumbs,
for those who are trusted to enjoy it.
It is a delicious piece of expired candy,
that I don't know how to share.
It is weird, gnarly, and just gross enough,
to creep and sometimes fascinate.

Our unknown stares at us,
from both ends of the timeline.
We begin to confuse dreams,
and our assumptions become memories.
I no longer recall why there's a pull on my scalp,
nor how the old me faded away.

You say I don’t love you
as much as you love me,
Because I don’t have pictures of you on my walls.

I had someone put a picture of me up,
it put a smile on my face.
They took my picture,
and a chunk of my heart too.
Just to leave
a text goodbye,
Without actually saying anything.

I can always explain but
explanations get tiring,
I want to rest now.
I want to smoke the ****
I saved for you,
and sleep with my blanket
That only kept you warm.

I have nothing to gain,
And tearful eyes to lose.
I hear I am everything,
but I feel like ****.
You think I love my dog more,
no,
she just loves me better.
You love me,
just because you say it.

Fake the love,
since we latch on anyways.
You've fooled yourself,
because love is not petty.
There’s no more than this moment between us,
where lines of love and hate thrive.
Once I step away
from the front of your face,
I’ve dropped my value
to less than a stranger.
Someone
you’ve shared smiles with,
Someone waiting to feel
like less than what they are worth.
I apologize to you
for not being enough,
And I apologize to myself for caring
to try to be.