I'm dumb because I thought I would be able to be in your arms
on the day of my 21st birthday.
I didn't realize how much my 21st meant to me until a month ago.
I didn't realize how excited I would be to, hopefully, be away from sadness.
Last year my uncle died on my birthday. Last year on my birthday I woke up to the news that my family would be leaving for Japan in hours. Last year I woke up crying for my family, and for myself. I was crying for my mom who lost her father only a year before, her mother diagnosed with alzheimer's, and her brother lost now too.
I didn't realize how much my 21st meant to me until you said you couldn't come.
I didn't realize how proud I am of myself for coming this far, finally an adult (in the States). I was dumb to have imagined how my 21st birthday would go. I was dumb to have had expectations too early. I wanted to spend it with you.