i reprise, i retrace,
i've got love for the chase,
your face when in place
that you've wanted to be,

i'm in space, i'm above,
i've got lives full of love,
and i'm choosing you with
all these words that i speak,

i can't lose, i could win,
i've got love that's within,
and i don't want to leave,
no i don't want to leave,

i've got you, i've got us,
i've got love more than lust,
i've got air that i breathe
and you, all i need.

i don't know, i can't go
through all this again,
i can't have you as friend,
when this turns into hate,

i won't fight but i might
keep this grip too tight,
fingers losing strength
such is fate,

i'll wish all the best
as heart sinks in chest,
i'll fail the test
and i'll show up late,

i'll have you, i'll have us,
i'll have all that and more,
until it falls to floor,
leaving empty space.

we dissect and we let
worst cases get the
best of us and
the rest of us,

and i know there are those
who hide within clothes
and feel like that they
can't adjust,

but if you take those fears,
dissolve them in years,
you'll find that they all fade,
they must,

so take chance on romance,
ignore all advance,
focus on now,
focus on trust.

Alone she stands in the battlefield
Bruised and battered not ready to yield
Brave she is , a soldier strong
Alone she's fought for a time too long
She will not falter she will not break
She will conquer every challenge she will take
Her wounds are heavy and they don't heal yet
But she will not rest till her goal is met
The end has come , she is hurt and bleeding but the fighting  is done
She is brave , she is a survivor and her battle stands won .....

After you left me
I let a dog smell at
My chest and my belly. It will fill its nose
And set out to find you.

I hope it will tear the
Testicles of your lover and bite off his *****
Or at least
Will bring me your stockings between his teeth.

i'm not interested

in living anymore

i don't want to die
living just doesn’t hold much interest for me

i don't feel good

i don't feel happy
only tired

tired tired
 always tired
i live in a perpetual nothingness

i can never find words
they lodge in the back of my throat and spiral out flat

may as well cut my vocal chords out
and replace them with yarn
maybe i’ll be able to string sentences together then

i’m buried in layers of ink and skin
they allow me to close my eyes and fall away
into my own personal oblivion

where it's dark and jazzy elevator music plays in the background
and there’s no sharp pings under numb detachment

there's a different breed of darkness to my oblivion
it's soft and shadowy
rippling over all my anxieties like a velvet tide
light shines in dusty shafts from no set direction
it doesn't illuminate anything
it’s nicer that way

i forgot what happiness feels like
not this halfway happiness that’s induced by comfort food and fuzzy blankets
but real happiness
that comes from deep inside of your being and spirals and glows

this is just a long complaint

hem hem

observation
about me

my life

is it really mine?

i feel so detached from it

i spend more time in dreams than i do in it
sweeping castles of words and swing sets that swing themselves


can i just leave?
fade away
into my oblivion
the one with the jazz music and the infinite velvet walls
i've come pretty close
may as well go all the way

i'm an inadequate mess of negativity
i can't function quite right anymore
unfunny angry pathetic boring
i'm me
and i don't hate me
hate is a strong word
i'm just tired
a slowly graying towel
long used and recently wrung-out
hung up to dry
dripping mediocracy onto a standard tile floor

ha

i'll show myself out