It's 3am and I'm struggling,
Strangling the thoughts that will obnubilate my vision
I'm trying to avoid a collision
Between my tears,
My tears, and my freshly washed pillow case
Because when my tears rear its head,
It will be hours before I get to bed,
and even then,
These thoughts will haunt me in my head
I know these somber spaces so well
They are a part of me,
They are my shadow
They lay with me,
Try not to roll over and fall in
Why?
Why does my skin have to be abiding?
Can't it just melt away, by the end of the day
Taking with it all this pain?
Because I'm drowning,
Asphyxiating in other people's thoughts
I've begun to wonder which is worse
Feeling nothing-
Or everything at once.

Do you remember the way I couldn't keep my eyes off you?
The way that I couldn't keep my hands off you?
How a smile crossed my face when you were in sight?
My God, I couldn't even feel your warmth because it was a spark to my **** imagination.
Do you remember my texts?
My pictures?
My late night outfits?
Dinners?
Dancing?
Oh how crazy I was about you!
It was almost love..

Almost.

I remember how suddenly you just stopped calling.
I remember how I was left waiting for you to pick me up on Saturday night.
I remember you stopped answering.
How you stopped trying.
You wouldn't even hold my hand.
I remember how I would call you and you wouldn't answer
You just left...

Gone.

Now you're back, and as much as I wish we could get back what we had, you see; its gone.
You missed this train.

You could have been the one, enjoying, celebrating life, but you missed it.
It's gone, and almost doesn't count.

And HE will hold me
And HE will say..
"I know you tried"
I stayed clear
clear of all the bad things
And HE will let me rest
Because for the longest I've been restless
I feel as if I'm fighting demons in my sleep
**I'm restless.

My love for my lover is
    quiet
on the outside.
     loud
on the inside.
just    as    the    roaring    river    of    fire    within    a    volcano.
I am an earthquake within this skin.

And no matter how many times
the petals tell you they love you
you have to forget,
Because sometimes they love you not.
So here's to you,
the boy who didn't know how to love me.
I'm letting go,
letting go of the distance
and the silence
and the waiting
and the empty hours
and the vacancy
and the walls I've built
**it's over.