They say to go your own way
And then they say not to take chances
Be an individual
But don't be too weird
Because if you're too far out there
Or if you dream too much
They tell you to grow up
And when you do
If you listen to them
They tell you to loosen up
Undo your tie
Take a breather
So right now
I'm stuck
Between
Deep
Breaths
And
Self-induced
Suffocation

I tend to go through life
totally confused
friends want to hang out with me
but I always find an excuse

I started blocking out the world
when society banished me
because what I am is not
what they expect of me

I never know what's going on
because at least then I'm not missing out
on everything I could have in the world
as long as I go without

I refuse to change the way I feel
for a standard set by society
you'll never understand my struggle
so please just let me be

My life's a paradox, in a melting ***
Been struggling to connect the dots.

That's the reason why I dance
when the music stops.

Jamming to the rhymes in my head
when the beat drops.

I trace my fingertips across the car door
making designs in the dirt.
You yell at me,
but I can't hear you.

All I can hear is the
pounding of my heart.
The blood pumping through my body
echoes in my ears,
and your voice sounds distant.
What I imagine it sounds like after a bomb goes off to those
who were standing too close.

I stare at the the ground, the setting sun,
the neat circles of dirt on the tips of my fingers,
anywhere but at you.
Even though your looks are
bouncing off me like rubber bands,
even though your words sound
like they're going through a filter,
I can tell you are begging me to look at you.

Ears ringing, eyes stinging,
I slowly meet your gaze.
Now, I'm no lip reader,
but I could see the venom dripping
off your lips as you spoke.
There's no mistaking that foul, fricative-fronted phrase.

But I deserve it, I know.

You look as if you are about to say something else,
but you stop yourself with just a nanosecond to spare.
The words left your brain but
never made it to your tongue.

Instead, the thought manifested itself in silent tears
that dripped down your face.
Tracing my mistakes
across the the cheeks I used to caress,
down the neck I used to kiss,
toward the heart I didn't mean to break.

She makes the sand,
the sand seep away.
Little locket on her chest,
with her steps a gentle sway.
Though her eyes cast
a tender gaze,
her fiery heart sets the sky ablaze.

Dry rain and dry puddles,
never will she stop.
'Til she stumbles to her knees,
the dusty ground, fiercely hot.
She cries out in pain
and laughs through tears,
a withered smile
of withered years.

She sees me.

Her faces relaxes,
her lungs give out,
her limbs betray her
and with one final strain she says:
*I can't hate.