it's hard finding someone new
because not only do you have to find that feeling again
but someone has to have that feeling back

they need to look at me how you did
their eyes need to smile
and their hands need to be perfect like yours

because you were the one who loved how i looked when i woke up
and before i went to bed
even after the long rough days

you were the one who loved me in baggy t shirts
and kissed me when i took my makeup off in the shower

you were the one who left flowers in my car
and spelt our love on a fence

why find someone new?
because we were so young
and so was our love

and although young love may be the purest
and the strongest

it is the shortest

because we change so fast when we live for the nights
and yearn for our futures

when in reality
the good ole days are now

when i find myself with no motivation there's always a source
it's never just because i'm lazy,
or because it's too hard.

something is always hurting me inside and i can't do anything else

and it's you.

I don't know what to do because we will never be together
I've admitted it to myself and I can't believe it
I never believed anything you said because it didn't make sense

You don't want me?
But I don't understand.

I love you so much
more than the stars in the woods
more than any high i've ever felt
and i will take such good care of you.

I will spend every day trying to make you happy
and that will be okay because your smile is what fills my heart with that joy
that joy that can't be measured.

That feeling from so far and deep inside my chest that I can't even put it into words

But I love you so much
You don't want me?
I will never understand.

I met you, and I saw you
but I didn't really see you.

I see you, and you see me
I'm not used to this feeling.

We've talked, and shared
why haven't you shared it all?

You listen so well, you understand
but I'm so afraid.

These feelings I have, what are they?
I only have them for you.

These feelings I have, what are they?
I only have them for you.

I need you, you make me happy
spend time with me.

I love being with you, but I'm scared
I can't get hurt again.

I don't understand, you said you felt the same
what have I done wrong?

You're perfect, I just can't do it
please you deserve better than me.

I can't take it, I'm leaving
going far away.

Please don't leave, I need to see you
but I'm too scared to tell you.

I love you so much, I miss you already
but you cannot know.

You left, I feel empty
I don't know what to do.

Goodbye. I love you.
I'll always love you.

*Goodbye. I love you.
I'll always love you.

I read poems to get inspiration
in reality they just make me think of you

When I talk about you I don't know what to say
there isn't a distinct thing I can call you

I could say "my friend"
but you mean so much more to me than that

It takes more than a friend to make me feel the way you did
I would never kiss a friend the way that I kissed you
any other person I wouldn't excuse for your shy attitude
for you I accepted the romantic inexperience.

Despite all of my feelings
and the yearning to be with you

I can't even say that we had something
because before anything could blossom
you became afraid.

I guess I can't really blame you.

There is nothing more terrifying than putting yourself out there for someone.
No matter who they may be.

Nevertheless I would have protected you
and I still will now.

it bothers me how i can't take compliments
and i'm really confused

because it's not that i don't agree with them
"thank you I like my tattoo too"
"thank you I think I have a pretty smile too"

i think that i'm pretty
and i think that i'm cool
and nice

but for some reason when someone else says it,
I immediately wonder what they're up to

what's your angle man?

because i haven't been around someone sincere in a while
and i doubt that you're going to start it

you're much too attractive to be genuine
no one is perfect

well i take that back
one person is perfect

but he isn't around anymore
at least i pretend he's not

i used to be afraid of drugs
health class would tell me it would put holes in my brain

i do drugs anyway
because maybe it wouldn't be so bad
i could be lucky enough
and maybe there's a chance

maybe the holes would go in places where it hurt
where memories torment me
and the holes would gouge them out forever

so i never have to see your face again

not even in my dreams

i remember when i was in 8th grade i wrote a really sad poem
it talked about how the bullying brought me to a numb feeling
after i wrote that poem i realized that poetry made me feel things again
whether they were good or bad
poetry helped me

but now when i write poems
i still love them just as much
its just
i want to feel numb again
i wish i could feel numb again

because most of the time i pretend i'm alright
i'm 18
I DON'T GIVE A ****
right?

no
not right
i give way too many *****
i give the most *****
i feel judged everywhere i go
on everything i wear
and everything i do

so it kind of *****
when one of the things that i've learned to love to do
turns into something that makes me cope with my emotions
and my insecurities
like no
go away
can you not with the feelings

i just want to get drunk
smoke ****
and have fun

the real world can wait
and even if it decides to go anyway

there is no way i'm dealing with it
not right now

it's just too much